House inheritance

Justasimplestory

Just looking for some advice . Parents have sadly passed away . Left house to three siblings . Although I had a good relationship with my parents my family is extremely dysfunctional. There are alcoholic issues and most likely mental health issues and my relationship with my siblings is very estranged as there has been too much toxic behaviour that affects my mental health .

house is vacant with everyone having access at present . I go there to help with grieving process but it is very toxic . Childish notes left around the house like “ tea bag placed in wrong bin “ you have no no respect for the house due to tea bag etc . It’s all ridiculous stuff . it’s too ridiculous to even explain but they leave sour milk gone off food there etc but I say nothing .

basivally I need to cut ties with these people that have caused nothing but upset and stress to my life . I’m not interested in inheritance but this house is trying us together . I have access to the house but I feel like maybe I shouldn’t go there cos it’s causing me unnecessary stress and with the notes about the tea bags etc . It’s just crazy .

should I just stay away from there and accept it’s not a healthy place to be .one of my sisters is supposed to buy it but she’s no savings etc . I know it sounds bad but I want to cut ties with these people . I could write an essay on how they have affected me .

should i stay away or grin and bear it until probate etc is sorted out

Creamy Goodness

Firstly, sorry for your loss. These times are very difficult even with a clear head and with the childishness of your siblings even moreso

Was the house mentioned in a will? I would suggest having a chat with a solicitor/family solicitor will help assess the options for you. If it's split several ways it can be messy if one wants to sell and other doesn't etc. but the solicitor will definitely help.

Justasimplestory

It’s supposed to be left to three of us

suvigirl

Has probate been applied for? Are the wheels in motion?

If you don't need to go to the house and feel it is better for your mental health not to, then just stay away and look after yourself.

wildwillow

If there are only three siblings in total, probably best to sell when probate is complete. Other siblings not inheriting a portion would be a problem.

Distance yourself from toxic people as much as possible

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120867748#Comment_120867748

in what way though? My mother's house was left to three of us but basically was worded that we benefitted equally from it's sale. Talk to the executor and tell them you want your share of a sale.

Justasimplestory

One of my sister’s is executor and hasn’t got the wheels in motion so it’s going to be a night mare . I want to visit there to grieve but the nitpicking / bullying note a left are just becoming detrimental to me . I leave the house in better state than I d find it . They were too lazy to buy toilet paper and clogged drains with paper towel that in the house but I get abode about a tea bag so it’s just ridiculous

the months mind is coming up and I don’t even want to go I want to but I don’t want to if that makes sense . It’s affecting my relationship as my sister text met partner saying please talk to her about the tea bag etc and a load of nonsense and he is just sick of them and just tolerated them for my parents sake and doesn’t want any more to do with them

Justasimplestory

Thanks my sister is an alcoholic and is executor I think I’ll just tell solicitor that there is no communication and I need to be contacted directly

Spanish Eyes

The executor has a year to get Probate sorted, you cannot take legal action against her until that year (from date of death) has passed. Sometimes the executor can retire or refuse to act for whatever reason, and if the solicitor thinks she doesn't have the ability or enthusiasm for the work s/he may broach the subject with her, and do it all on her behalf. She would just need to sign documents here and there. It would be worth having a word with the solicitor but you have no rights to take part in any of the probate work, or get any information about the estate yet, if you are not an executor.

Sorry for your losses. Yes do stay away from the house, it is only bricks and mortar, your memories of your parents are far more precious and a lot less toxic all round.

Justasimplestory

That’s true about the memories . No I don’t want any involvement in any issues but I think I should inform solicitor that I’m not in communication with them so to contact me directly . That will remove the drama .

just trying to avoid any further unnecessary drama

3DataModem

The solicitor is very unlikely to contact you directly, they act for the Executor, so won't want to create a conflict of interest.

Setting aside the legal / estate issues... eventually you will have to let go of the house as a place to grieve. If you are struggling with that, don't be afraid to seek help. It's a tough road, particularly considering the family issues you face.

antoinolachtnai

I would see a counselor or therapist to deal with your grief and your feelings about the whole thing. This is no negative reflection on you or anything you have written, it’s just that you and your family are going through a lot. It isn’t just you, the others are suffering, but they are displaying it in a different way

In the end this house will need to be sold with your sister having the opportunity to buy it if she wants it. But it doesn’t sound like you or your family are quite ready to face that yet.

You may end up needing a solicitor at some point, but I would suggest spending a few weeks with the counselor first.

SupaCat95

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120867675#Comment_120867675

Common sense stuff, First is there a will? Talk to a solicitor and get probate sorted.

These people dont have their act together. Get a settlement as fast as you can before the market bursts and get away from this situation. Seen this happen before.

Claw Hammer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120893260#Comment_120893260

It is up to executor to go to a solicitor. None of the other beneficiaries can instruct a solicitor in relation to the estate. The o/p should engage a solicitor of their own to keep the pressure on the executor. The o/p should go to thye months mind, stop using tea bages which are made of plastic, and stay away from the place after that and communicate through solicitors.

SupaCat95

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120893279#Comment_120893279

That is what I meant, get your own solicitor to look after your own interests first. From family experience where there is no will and back log of unpaid taxes, nursing home bills, it took 4 years to do. Also you are possibly dealing with one or more alcoholics who are disagreeable at the best of times. The fastest way forward is to sell and get gone. Sad to say but Solicitor is the only way forward.

Cuddlesworth

Do the sister/sisters live there?

spaceHopper

This is a tricky one, if your sister can't buy the place but moves in she'll claim adverse possession. Its early days and I wouldn't expect them of have started the process yet. Give it two months and then ask where they are with it. I'd tell them the tea bag was nothing to do with you. Have only one bin, the black one in the garden. You won't be able to walk away yet, the house will need to be cleared and you'll want to get some momentos.

If this is affecting you this badly maybe get some counseling