Found Something Concerning

St.Spodo

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. Recently I noticed that she has been regularly conversing with a man she started speaking to on a dating app not long before we met. His name regularly pops up when she is showing me something on her phone, and when I asked her about this friend whom she had never mentioned she became visibly uncomfortable. She then explained that it was someone she got to know via a dating app, but assured me that it has long since been made clear to him that she is in a relationship. I didn't really think too much more of it, aware that he lives in a different country and presumed that they had perhaps struck up a sincere virtual friendship. However, when trying to log into my WhatsApp web, her account was already logged in after she had been using my laptop. I noticed that she has been sending him a lot of pictures and videos of animals, and had even been sending these at times when we were on holidays together, and other times when we were in bed. Reading the messages, it seems they have some aspirations to meet up (whether as friends on other bases) in the next couple of weeks when he is in Ireland. Should I be concerned? If so, how should I address this issue? My gut feeling is that there is something not right here.

Thanks in advance for your help.

hayrabit

>Mod snip<

@hayrabit Your post falls well below the standard required on the PI forum.

Read the charter before posting in this forum again.

Hilda

bb1234567

I think you have a healthy mindset at least, not immediately jumping to the idea your partner is cheating. I too like to think that people , even those who may have had romantic past, can have stricly platonic friendships while in relationships with other people. Many people wouldn't, but I don't think it's good to be so untrusting of people in general. But I think what usually makes that work completely is when the 'spark' that ever existed has to have died and they just no longer see each other that way. What would concern me is it seems like your gf didn't say anything to that effect and the reason they're not together is simply she's currently taken.

If I were in your shoes though I would clearly state that given the youngness of your relationship together (and hence lack of time to solidify trust), that you don't like that her actions are making your question her motives and sewing distrust. And after that I would hope for that to translate into a less close relationship with this other person as it seems a bit intense for what it is, given they are not childhood friends or anything of the like and the origin of their friendshp being through mutual attraction. Right now I don't think there's anything else to do but put it out there and hope she reacts. I think if you hope for a future with her you need to trust her and hope she does right, even if she continues a platonic relation with this guy. Just keep tabs on it I'd say and give it time. You seem like a calm and adjusted individual from the bit you've said so I think if those feelings do not dissipate then either I'd say trust your gut and potentially talk about how the relationship does make you uncomfortable and questioning and to discuss how it can be brought down a level you are happy with, or leave the relationship if you do not want to have to ask that of her and would prefer to have somebody you trust completely without those kind of conditions made.

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bb1234567

Mod - Quoted post - now deleted.

To me it seems like the OP came here for the advice because he doesn't want to simply get rid of her. He could have done that on his own I think without anyone advising it if that's what he wanted.

St.Spodo

I feel it may be relevant to add that my girlfriend asked if this person wanted to go somewhere "fancy" for dinner when he's in Ireland.

Hannibal_Smith

I think you're safe enough OP. The messages between them seem innocent enough. They were friends before you got together. She left her account logged in so wasn't trying to cover her tracks.

The thing is if you ask her about it you're going to have to say you read her messages and that might be a whole other can of worms.

Does she never bring him up in conversation? If not, you could always ask what the latest is with him and open a conversation that way?

JeffKenna

To answer your question I would be a bit concerned. It's not normal to engage with someone you met online for a year and then meet up with them somewhere "fancy" for dinner. I'd wait and see if she tells you, if it's innocent then theres no reason why she wouldn't closer to the time.

YellowLead

If I was in your position I would not like it, I have to admit.

Absolutely no issue with a guy having female friends, and close ones at that. But they connected because they fancied each other - and then felt the need to keep it up. I mean if you matched with somebody and chatted before you met your gf, like most people you would leave the other chats behind.

And meeting for dinner somewhere fancy, is very date like. Sure this guy lives in a different country, but she might be hoping to see what their spark is like in person.

I have plenty of guy friends I met online, but I have never built up a friendship having matched and never met - be different if she was single.

standardg60

Agree with above this would be a severe red flag for me. If she was serious about you she would have cut contact, maybe explain she was in a relationship but leave it at that.

She's keeping her options open whilst in a relationship, I don't see any good ending here.

St.Spodo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120852927#Comment_120852927

This is what I intend to do. I'm going to see if she actually arranges to see this person, and whether she's honest about it with me.

Count Dracula

She is simply nurturing a side of her psyche that your relationship has yet to fulfill. I would be more comfortable with her interaction with a different person if she had been open about it. They shared images of wildlife / animals, had you previously been aware of this pastime she is sharing with him?

You have no control over who she fraternises with. You only know her a year. I think of many women out there keeping their options open. She is right she should be doing so. She wants what is best for herself, we all do.

If she met him through some wildlife group or similar social platform I could buy into her charade. But the reality is that she met this guy via a Dating App. I would imagine swapping animal photos is indicative of any old crap that new couples engage in, to make it appear that they are not in the process of trying it on?

She only knows you less than 2 years.