No strings attached fun & not happening

SoMuchSoul

Hope its ok to post this here.

Im a single, attractive woman in my 30's. I keep in good shape, I have good friends, family and im regularly told I look much younger than I am. I have no children but I do have pets and a nice fulfilling job. I don't think I ever want to have kids and at the minute im really focused on my career and considering going back to college this year to do a masters. I dont want a relationship right now but would like to have some no strings attached sex and this has been really difficult to find. Im not into one night stands, if im having sex I want it to be with one person instead of multiple people and I need to be attracted to that person. So I joined tinder and while most men are lovely, the ones that are also looking for one thing are far too sleazy for me to want to have sex with them, its like everything that comes out of their mouth is sex related and they want to 'sext' constantly, it honestly makes me feel like im 20 again. I often hear from men how its easy for women to get sex when they want it but ive been pretty much sexless for 2 years. This is partly due to the housing crisis and people living with parents or overcrowded accommodation & im in this bracket of people too so not judging but I thought at the very least, getting some no strings attached fun with a half decent man would be easy enough to figure out. Most men I encounter would be happy out to ride down a back alley or park in a feild and go for it in the back seat of the car. I just never thought it would be this bad in my 30's. Is it just me effected by this? Is it common for single women in their 30's to struggle to find a sexual partner?

Big Bag of Chips

OP, are you looking for advice or discussion? If it's a general discussion I can move your thread to a more appropriate forum, but if you're looking for advice I'll leave it here.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058304205/no-strings-attached-fun-not-happening

OK you are looking for attractive nice (and I mean that in the real term) guys, in 30s, for monogamous sex?

One question, are you expecting the guy to be exclusive to you (as you want to only have sex with the same person) because, if so, that's a relationship but you want to strip out the emotion which comes with it. The guys you are looking for are already in relationships or would be looking for one.

They guys you are going to find for just sex, like you say above, are sleazy guys or guys wanting a ONS hookup.

It is easier for women to just get sex but that is for the one night stands, which you are ruling out.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822703#Comment_120822703

Thanks Big Bag of Chips, maybe discussion would be more appropriate?

Thespoofer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058304205/no-strings-attached-fun-not-happening

It seems to me OP you're looking for 'soulmate sex' without the attachment involved.

Surely there's some percentage of suitable candidates out there who could offer/take part in a mutual agreement as this.

Good luck with your search.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822723#Comment_120822723

I wouldnt expect monogamy as that would make it a relationship, just like someone to hook up with every now and again. My experience has been men equating sex with respect and being disrespectful/speaking to me like an object or trying to manipulate me into sex by telling me what they think I want to hear. Its such a massive turn off! The ideal would be a decent guy whose up for hook ups, he can do whatever he likes but is also respectful and treats me like a human being & not look down on me or equate my worth with my willingness to have casual sex..

bucketybuck

Basically you want a man who doesn't treat women as objects, and then you want him to treat you as an object while you also treat him as an object?

In other words, you want to have your cake and eat it. You want him to be decent, loving and interested, and then you want to him to leave. And can't understand why men might have their own opinion on that.

Friends with benefits usually starts with being friends, friends first, benefits later. You want the benefits now, but my advice would be to find the friends first.

Arthur Pants

your inbox will be full of PMs soon OP (if not already).

Collie D

Have done it in the past and it is possible. Wasn’t just sex in fairness, more casual dating as in we’d go for drinks and a weekend away but nothing serious.

Definitely people out there.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822844#Comment_120822844

But having sex with someone doesnt automatically make them an object, or me & its not on me if thats how some people view sex. He doesnt need to be loving and interested just sound, respectful and up for meeting for sex every so often. I want the regular sex without the relationship and the emotions that come along with being in a relationship with someone.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822859#Comment_120822859

Anyone who messages me will be ignored or blocked..

I'm not the best at relationships, but sex without emotion is treating the other person as an object is sounds to me like you are looking for an open relationship, but without any of the relationship parts.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822873#Comment_120822873

This is more inline with what I want, just a casual relationship with one person but its impossible to come across, just feel like men ive encountered have been consistently degrading

Collie D

Maybe just go about it same way you would if you wanted a relationship. Start with a drink or casual non sexual meet-up and see how it goes. Or during chat just mention you’re not looking for anything too serious but at the same time show you’ve your own boundaries.

I suppose once you’re clear there can be no misunderstanding about being a future marriage but also that there’s a little bit more to it to than the bedroom.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Moved to TLL as it's a discussion rather than advice thread.

Local charter now applies.

Hilda

Kurooi

I think what you're looking for doesn't work for most people and especially not the male brain. I fully understand why you would want casual yet with some meaning behind it, it's really the ultimate fantasy, that's why books and movies that target women focus on the setting and character of the men as much if not more than they do on the physical.

For men sex is physical. and when an emotional connection develops it's a relationship, regardless of what label you want to put on it. Maybe you're sending the wrong message by not allowing it to be a relationship? Saying you want it to be casual of hookup would attract the wrong kind. You can have a relationship, and not the moving in together, sharing finances, meeting family, marriage, having kids part. At least you can put that stuff off and be casual.

newmember2

I did this with a few women in the past. It fizzled out when I met someone. There were no dates or dinners, they would just call over. There was one woman that would spend the night. OP I'd say if you just keep looking you'll eventually find a guy you get on with who's not looking for anything serious. Try some other sites maybe.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822779#Comment_120822779

There are guys like that, many of us were like that in our 20s. Problem is that, in your 30s, they're generally past that and in relationships. The guys you're looking for are in a minority now

You're running up against the lads who never want a respectful relationship (sex or more).

Guys who treat women as objects and won't change. Dating apps are guys wanting relationships or one night stands, what you're looking for will attract the 2nd cohort but, yeah, they're the "alpha" spouting pricks quite often

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120822998#Comment_120822998

You're like me. It worked fine, until you met someone.

There's a dwindling supply into 30s and 40s

Donald Trump

Sounds like what you really want is a married man or one in a relationship already.

SoMuchSoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120824028#Comment_120824028

Im not looking for a married man or a man in a relationship! The point of a no strings attached situation is to avoid hurt & drama, not cause any.

BorneTobyWilde

..🤓

BorneTobyWilde

OP sounds a little bit rambunctious

https://youtu.be/VFNRh26TPmM?t=8

stone wall

go for a walk

YellowLead

I find that what you are looking for is basically all I am able to get 😅 I’ve had it coming out of my ears the past 3 years.

I don’t go on apps looking for that, I go looking for a relationship but always seem to end up with guys who are only looking for casual - yet they are never disrespectful or sleazy. I’d never swipe right on somebody who declared they were only looking for casual.

I have a few fwb I can call on when I need to…people I’ve dated in the past who are still single, rarely go more than a month without it.

Ubbquittious

This thread is lifting me out of the doldrums with just the notion women looking for this exist.

Honey50000

A good looking woman finds it hard to get a guy for no strings sex I have heard it all now.