Anger issues

IniKamoze

Hi. My partner has serious anger issues. When he gets angry it is off the charts and seemingly out of control but if he is communicating with someone else like a client from his work he can hide it. It is taken out on me. It can take him two days to come out of it but usually ends when I get so upset that I practically beg him to not be mad. Afterwards he feels awful and is full of apologies. He is never physically abusive.

He had a real tough upbringing and I think it's to blame, he wants to get help as it has done damage to our relationship and it will end if this goes on.

I love him and want to help him as it isn't easy on him either.

Can anyone recommend a counselor specializing in anger management that would do online sessions? Thank you

HildaOgdenx

Please see link below which should help with finding a therapist.

Many therapists offered online sessions during lockdowns so I imagine that will still be an option with most of them.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2057956018/how-to-find-help-a-counsellor-therapist-psychologist

This situation sounds very difficult for you also. Please take care.

IniKamoze

Thank you for your reply. I will hopefully find someone on the list. It is difficult, it has had a huge affect on me.

Kalimah

The fact that he can hide it from clients etc would worry me. He knows it wouldn't be tolerated at work. Why should you tolerate it? How is his relationship with family and friends?

He needs to get help as soon as possible. If not your relationship will be chipped away bit by bit after each incident until there is nothing left.

I wish you the best of luck.

Neyite

Why are you going looking for counsellors? if he wanted to fix his anger issues, he would do it himself. It's a waste of time on your part.

You are his outlet for his anger and it suits him to rage at you and to sulk until you beg him to come around. He loves it so why on earth would he change when you are more than willing to stick around and take his abuse. He knows that you'll bend over backwards to 'fix' him by bending yourself into all sorts of explanations and eventually you'll take on the blame for setting him off every time. Is that the life you want?

Have a read of this.

https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html

Big Bag of Chips

Have to agree with Neyite. Do not arrange counselling for him. Because when it doesn't work, or he doesn't like the counsellor, or they say something he doesn't like, or he decides it's bullsht and he's not going anymore whose fault will it all be?

I think you need to think less about what he needs and more about what you need. He's an adult man who is capable of organising something if he needs (wants). Rather than trying to finds counsellor for him, maybe you should look into counselling for yourself. Explore why you think you are in any way responsible for him and his behaviour. Take a big step back and see where you are in all of this. He is not more important than you. Don't let him make you feel that he is.

SmallgirlBigcity

I went out with someone with anger issues for years and it's very hard for them to change. That's just my opinion. After I left him, he promised he'd get help and change but I wasn't sticking around to find out as the damage was already done. The relationship was ruined. Nobody deserves that kind of life. I remember how miserable I was. And I've since met someone who treats me with respect and would never ever shout at me or put me down. I know it's hard but do think about leaving. That's my advice anyway.