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How to get toddler to follow instruction willingly

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  • 24-06-2023 10:20pm
    #1
    893bet
    Registered Users Posts: 8,740 ✭✭✭


    3.5 yr old that won’t follow instruction to the point of defiance. Simple stuff like stop or comeback here now and will often go the opposite to push the boundary and be aware of what they doing….giggleing as they do it.


    Only way of getting them to do it is to scream at them (which they find funny), force them (ie drag them back, which they find hilarious) or threaten them (Naughty step, no ice cream etc.)


    In all other ways they are such a loveable child but just heedless. How do I move to a more positive approach?



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    #2
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,893 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    My approach would be (and was) "You will have to hold my hand until I am sure you can stay beside me, or come when I call your name"...

    And proceed to do this until the message sinks in.Not in an angry way just in a matter of fact way.Getting out of the car..."ok, stand right there beside the door please while I get my bag and close it, or you can hold my hand while I close it", and then "Right off we go, hold my hand please"

    Once you feel you can trust him a little, start doing the "you can run ahead of me but you must stop at that gate/shop door (something really obvious) and wait for me to catch up" or similar, and if he doesn't stop where he is asked to, back to hand holding until you feel he is ready to try again.

    It has to be reinforced at home mind you, that he responds when he is called or spoken to.If he is just being totally heedless and nothing else is going on, the message should sink in quickly enough.It's a safety thing and you can explain it to him like that.



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    #3
    blackbox
    Registered Users Posts: 4,102 ✭✭✭blackbox


    Have you had his/her hearing tested?



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    #4
    SmallgirlBigcity
    Registered Users Posts: 233 ✭✭SmallgirlBigcity


    I find that consequences, rather than discipline or getting angry, really helps. So for example, you're going somewhere nice like a play centre or playground and your child doesn't listen to instruction. I'd tell them that because they ran off or didn't do what they were told, we'll have to leave and go home. And that's the end of it. Just real matter of fact. You might have to wrestle them into the car but it might sink in that it they don't do what they're told, there's consequences. And you could say, 'we can't go to the playground if you don't listen to me. We can only go if you listen and do what you're told'. Following through with threats is key.

    My son is allowed to play on the tablet for twenty minutes every day. I set a timer for twenty minutes and when it goes off, he has to turn off the tablet. I let him know when there's two mins left, so he's aware that the time is nearly up. Recently, he wouldn't turn it off after the timer went off. I wrestled it off him and said he wasn't allowed it the next day because he didn't turn it off when he was supposed to. The next day he'd forgotten about the whole thing and asked for the tablet. I said no. He had a big tantrum. The next day he was allowed the tablet again and he turned it off when the timer went off. Hes 3.5 years old as well. Following through on the threats seems to work well :) hope this helps!



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