Access denied every week despite court order

supermario27

Hi guys I was wondering if anyone else had experience with similar.

I have one son ( from a one night stand) I’ve always been in his life taken him 3 days of the week and paid maintenance. I never asked for DNA and did a lot to be a good father in his life. The mother has always blackmailed me. Since he was a small infant she’d say ‘I’ll decide if your a good father and if I want you out of his life I’ll just say you’re abusing us’

needless to say I was frightened by this so instead of see it as a warning I gave into all blackmail to keep the peace.

fast forward to a few years later. I’ve a fiancé and a new son. She kicked up murder of the new baby and demanded I take my son the day he was born leaving my fiancé alone in hospital and the baby had been taken to NICU. She’s vicious about my fiancé who’s never said a word to her except hello twice.

we went to court as she wasn’t giving any access and I was granted the 3 days. Problem now is she turns up whispers to my son who’s now nearly 7 and then he tells me he isn’t coming. This happens every single week. She’s physically abused the child to and the guards have a case open on her as do Tusla. I am at a loss at what to do. A section 32 is ordered but his will I get him there? I can’t continuously turn up and be turned away I work 16 hour days and I’ve recently had some stomach problems that were pre cancerous as well as depression. I cannot cope does anyone know anything about similar I’d be extremely grateful!

Big Bag of Chips

Keep showing up. Have you got a physical court order? Every time you are denied access bring it to the nearest Garda station to have it stamped and initialed. You can't go to court with hearsay evidence. You'll claim something, she'll just deny it and then the judge has to decide who's more believable.

Get your court order stamped every single time she denies you access. That's your proof that you are showing up and that she's not abiding by the court order.

Is a full custody application an option for you?

Big Bag of Chips

Also - is there anyone you could get to travel with you, or in place of you to collect your child? Your mother? Sister? Brother? She might be less likely to kick off if someone else is there. And they could take none of her nonsense if she starts whispering in your son's ear. They just tell the child (nicely!) to get in the car. You could have the order adjusted to state someone else will collect the child.

chrisd2019

Sorry to read your issues, honestly you need appropriate legal advice on these matters, in particular how to provide appropriate proof to the court of the non compliance with the access rights granted.

Wanderer78

i accept you may have few employment options available to you, but try either cut back on your working hours, or change jobs if possible, those hours are extremely unhealthy, and certainly wont help with your situation, you need to focus on your own well being and health, you cannot provide yourself with your own needs, let alone others needs to, under these conditions...

make sure you re getting sufficient rest and sleep...

eating health....

...and appropriately exercising....

...consider some personal therapy, and its clearly obvious, your ex is never going to change without sufficient professional interventions, which in fact may never occur

...you ll need all of that, to try deal with this life long problem....

best of luck

supermario27

I’ve spent thousands on a solicitor only for her to deny access saying the child doesn’t want to go (she makes him say this and he’s been diagnosed recently with severe anxiety).

the won’t stamp the court order and keep saying it’s a civil matter. I’m not looking for legal advice just wondering if anyone experienced similar. I’m hoping for joint custody at next date but there’s no way of me collecting my child when she’s making him say he doesn’t want to come. She grabs him and whispers what to say.

mice no family help except my partner. My partner had an adult child and our son. She also had a stepson with her previous partner ( so she’d a great relationship with his son and the mother of that son) he’s in his 20s and she keeps in contact with him and the mother so she’s put up with too much from this in my opinion.

my partner thinks I should just say ‘get into the car we’ve plans and you’ll see mammy later’ which is fine but she managed somehow to get a protection order against me. I have no idea how as I hadn’t been in a room unaccompanied in years and wasn’t in an intimate relationship with her. I’ve never done anything even raise my tone as I was scared. My partner now has a legal background ( obviously not representing me) and she can’t get over how she’s able to circumvent the law but at the expense of a minor so it seems to be very unusual. She does kick off regardless… she’ll out of the blue start screaming and accuse me of abuse (she’s done this 3 times in 2 years and all times I was probably 30 feet away.

I would take full custody but don’t think I’ll get it tbh. Thanks for all your responses and help ! Much appreciated! It seems like I’m in a unique bind

Big Bag of Chips

Listen to your partner. Tell your child to get in the car. Have a witness with you if possible. A friend, cousin, neighbour. Bring her back to court for breach of the court order and to have it amended.

It's a long tiring battle but you do have options. You're not in a unique bind. There are likely 100s of parents in the country in a pretty much identical situation. Do you think the mother is unique in her treatment of you or your son? Unfortunately she's not.

Keep a record. Bring a witness. Tell your child to get in the car. You are backing down too easily. And she knows it. She has 100% control here. Take back some of the control. Listen to your partner. Contact Mens' Aid. They might be able to advise, or even point you in the direction of groups that can. Your boy is only 7. You have time to change this. If you don't do it soon, you'll lose him to her for good. She won't even bothering showing up anymore.

supermario27

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120760253#Comment_120760253

Thank you your right. My reluctance to tell my son firmly is partly me and partly his emotional problem these are diagnosed. The will cry at the slightest thing so if I said something firmly he’d start crying and she’d scream her head off that she’s being abused. I’ve a date to bring her back in.

she has also harassed us so much we’ve had to get a separate phone to communicate on and she’s back abusing that. She has accused my partner of various child abuse over the years she is very vicious towards her because my partner has a house and grown up child and was a single parent who worked and she lives with her mother at nearly 50.

i can’t remember if I mentioned she is currently being investigated for child abuse as he’s sustained several injuries two being extremely serious and both to face and head. I asked for overnight access which she won’t agree to but wants to turn up every day outside the guards station and disallow him to go it’s ridiculous but she’s not someone who has friends or a social life and she seems hell bent on making my life hard even though I’ve done more than was asked. The real change in her behaviour was when my other child was born. She smashed and destroyed 100s worth of toys and iPad that were belonging to my son she then sent the iPad smashed in with s hammer back to me. All of this cannot be proved in court except the expert report on the child as the Dr said it was directly related to her behaviour at the moment

thanks for advice and replies