Big changes for very anxious toddler - moving, school, etc. Help!

Viva La Gloria

Hi, apologies in advance for the long read!! Just looking for a bit of advice or even a different perspective on this.

My Son has been in crèche full-time since he was 8 months old (he is now 3 and 4 months) but going in has often been a struggle. It's still a real battle sometimes getting him in the door, and although he is most certainly very strong willed which is a contributing factor, he is also incredibly anxious so this really exacerbates it, I feel. He experiences very big emotions and when these occur he just shuts down. It's like it just consumes him.

At the moment I'm in the process of buying an apartment for us and we will be moving into it next year - I'm a single parent and live with my parents which is all my Son has ever known (all both of us have ever known actually lol!). We'll be roughly 20 mins away from where we are now. I had plans to enroll him into a Naíonra next year and then he would start in the local Gaelscoil in September 2025 which would be less than a 10 min walk away from home. I wouldn't change anything with the crèche / montessori initially as I don't want too much change happening too soon.

The thing is, I worry that moving him to the naíonra will be really tough given how difficult it is already going into crèche some days - the main girl who minds him has said that she would be concerned about his ability to adapt to change. It would also mean enrolling him into a another, separate crèche as the naíonra doesn't offer any daycare facilities. That means he would be leaving the naíonra to go to another daycare/crèche until I finish work...so two new childcare environments and then in 2025 primary school would be a huge change for him again.

The alternative is to keep him in the crèche he's in now, which is also a montessori and offers good afterschool facilities. I could then send him to the primary school up the road from there which the crèche drops the kids to and from. He knows all of the girls in this crèche so even if he does have days that are a struggle, he is at least familiar with the environment.

The downside of doing this is that I'd be moving 20 mins away from where he would be in school so when I'm working from home he wouldn't be just up the road anymore. It would also be harder for him to make friends with kids locally where we will be living. He also wouldn't be able to learn through Irish because the local school here is taught through English - not a deal breaker in fairness.

His ability to adapt to change and anxiety is what's most important to me so I'm just trying to figure out what's the best thing to do here and make sure that the decision is the right one for him. I know kids are incredibly resilient but he isn't your typical, easy going and roll with whatever kind of child.

Has anyone else ever faced an issue like this before? It's so hard trying to get him into any sort of therapy services to explore things more, we all know how long the waiting lists are!

Thank you for reading! ❤️ 

Big Bag of Chips

His ability to adapt to change and anxiety is what's most important to me so I'm just trying to figure out what's the best thing to do here and make sure that the decision is the right one for him. I know kids are incredibly resilient but he isn't your typical, easy going and roll with whatever kind of child.

Have you spoken to the PHN about this? It might be worth mentioning. As you said he's not your "typical" child. All children will get upset or worried about things, but what you are describing seems excessive.

You cannot limit your life around the anxiety of a toddler. If you are moving 20 minutes away, then you need to move 20 minutes away and enrol him in facilities convenient to you. Otherwise you'll be hassled and stressed and will end up regretting your decisions, and also feeding in to his anxiety because you'll be anxious. He needs to be given tools to cope, and you need to be helped to help him.

Speak to the PHN, or your GP as a first step.

Viva La Gloria

Thanks, I have been trying to speak to the early intervention team where I'm based but just end up leaving messages. I will talk to the GP and see if they can get the ball rolling. Maybe by the time all these decisions will need to have been made, he might be seen by someone 😁

Big Bag of Chips

Do you have a PHN? He should have a routine check with the PHN around 4/before primary school age. Definitely follow up with them first. They're your best path for referral to services.

shesty

I would agree with BBOC.

The early intervention services are absolutely swamped and it is very unlikely you will get any response. Head for your GP and also leave a message with your PHN.

We have a HSE Psychology advice drop in clinic in our primary care centre. It runs twice a month, you ring between 9 & 9.30 and they call you back before 12 and give you a 30 min slot for a chat. They will advise you on your options and what might be the best course to take.It costs nothing. I'm not sure where you're based but maybe investigate that as an option also.

You can't arrange your life around a toddler. His behaviour does seem a little excessive but obviously we don't know him, so I'd suggest asking around for some help. I understand what that girl who minds him says, but life is full of change so what you really need are strategies to help him learn to cope - taking the route of changing nothing for him won't always be an option.

As a secondary consideration, is learning through Irish ok for him? Do you think he will manage that?

Viva La Gloria

Thank you, I did make an appointment with the GP for a few weeks' time. She's very thorough and I have found her great over the years.

Viva La Gloria

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120681307#Comment_120681307

Yes, I did try the early intervention service but they never even answered or returned the call. I have a GP appointment organised now so that will be good first step I think.

Thanks for your advice, it's very helpful. You're right, you can't avoid change forever and have everything revolve around the toddler.

To your second point, I don't think learning through Irish would be an issue for him as he seems to grasp things quite quickly and has an incredible memory for details. But the more I think about it, logistically, the Gaelscoil might be too much hassle. Having just one daycare / afterschool facility would be so much easier.

Victor

I think gradual introductions would be useful - go on 'holidays' to the new apartment, bring granny and granddad!