Relationship with Parents & Siblings

brokenbad

Curious to see how other peoples Relationships with Parents & Siblings has evolved over time - I'm a married dad (late 40's) of two teenage children and here's my situation:

Both parents now in their late 70's - wouldn't be close to them as i didn't have a particularly happy childhood. Minimal contact these days.

Siblings x 5 - intermittent contact with 3 siblings and not on speaking terms with 2 others.

Based on my own experience - one thing i swore when i grew up is that i would be always there for my kids and do my best to ensure they were happy.

nozzferrahhtoo

Yea I cut my brothers out of my life too when I realised (surprisingly VERY late in my life, I am a bit slow I guess) just how toxic they are as people in general and even more so specifically when it comes to me personally.

Hollywood and the like tend to pump you with the notion that family is everything. A lot of story lines where the most egrigious crimes are forgiven because "But you are my brother!!!!!!!!". So you kinda get left with this cultural feeling you are somehow a bad person if you do not want a relationship with your own siblings. But reality is not hollywood and some people genuinely are better off cutting such ties.

Still in good contact with my sister and parents however.

Dial Hard

I'm back at home living with my parents at 41, so lucky that I've always got on very well with them!.

I'm the youngest of five children and four of us are extremely close - would see them for drinks, go to dinner, have BBQs in their houses on a weekly basis, sometimes more often. The eldest we don't see quite as much simply because he doesn't live as close as the rest of us (we're all within a 2km radius of eachother) but he's coming on our family holiday to Mexico for a fortnight in July. We do a big family holiday - nieces, nephews, the works - every two or three years. Some of the oldest niblings aren't coming this year, but my boyfriend and oldest family friend are joining us for the second week.

If the full complement of us go somewhere there's 20 of us in total. Christmas dinner is quite the logistical challenge!

That kind of closeness is a lot of people's worst nightmare, I know, but it just works for us. My boyfriend is an only child so fair play to him for being able to put up with us when we're in full flight 😆

Dslatt

Speak to my mother every day, talk to my aunts on a bi weekly basis (theres 3 of them) chat with my uncles sporadically but always friendly. I've a brother I would not p1ss on if he was on fire.

Dial Hard

We actually had 22 for Christmas dinner last year as my other brother has two Ukrainian refugees living with him.

Two of us in the family are actually child-free so technically there could have been even more of us. I was joking with my parents that they should be on their knees thanking me and my sister for not having children or they'd have needed an even bigger house than they already have 😁

89897

Thankfully I have a great relationship with my parents and siblings. It's a large family and we arent all together all the time as we are spread across the country and Europe but we all make an effort when we can. Family chat group is always active.

Its not a case that we're close just cause were family, we're close cause we do all genuinely have a great friendship, they're good people and the type I'd choose to have in my life even if we weren't related. Some of us have done trips abroad together, regular weekends away, its nice.

I know i'm in a lucky position and would never be of the mindset you keep toxic people around just because.

brokenbad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120665309#Comment_120665309

It's good to hear that you have a close family relationship - it's a rare thing these days particularly with larger families

I grew up without siblings, but am on good terms with my cousins, they tend to be kind of protective of me as I am the third youngest in my generation of the extended family. My parents lost a baby boy who was born before me, to influenza, O often wonder how I would have got on with him, but knowing how my parents (and eider family) were as people I reckon he’d have been protective, maybe overly so and I would likely have rebelled 🤣 Was always very lived by my parents, though my Dad’s depression and later dementia formed somewhat of a barrier.

shesty

Parents are in their late 60s, I'm the eldest of 4 siblings.We've a good relationship although I do like my space, I also love big family gatherings.We all live in the same general area.Thankfully my siblings feel the same.I see them every couple of weeks, one of my siblings is there nearly every other day though, but I don't think she spends as much time with hobbies and friends as I do.Family holidays happen from time to time but they are definitely not set in stone .My wider family is also in the area so I catch up with them every few months too, which is nice.

Both my parents have passed away now but I have a couple of brothers, older and younger, no sisters - I'm the only girl.

They're all assholes.

But they're my assholes and only I can call them that, and I will defend their right to be assholes to the teeth while tearing them new ones when they deserve it, while at the same time circling the wagons, if required.

And vice-versa. :)

niallpatrick

Dad deceased mum still alive in bad health but manageable provided theres always somebody close by, 2 kid sisters dote on her live nearby I live across the road and check in every day get her meds and shopping. Other kid sister lives on the isle of man dotes on mum as well and visits 3-4 times a year. So she's well looked after. Older bro (tumbleweeds) lives 9 miles away and calls once a month if he's available not out golfing, he's a bragging as'shole.

When the time comes we'll bury our mum the estate is settled and divided equally and it's a goodbye from me for good. All the best but I see no need or reason to keep in contact and hopefully me and my wife will be out of Belfast for good.

Modulok

I have drifted apart from my parents. I was keen to leave when I finished school.

I live abroad now, but would only call about once per month, and exchange a few texts every so often. When I am in Ireland we'd see them a few times per week, mainly because of my kids.

As a father myself now, I look back at the job my parents did when they were raising me with a more critical eye. While they were very good providers, I can see now that they were a bit disinterested in me, especially my father. He was always mild mannered, but not affectionate or remotely encouraging (not discouraging either, just indifferent).

He never built me up or offered proactive guidance about anything, at any stage. I guess it was because he was only 24 when I was born, and didn't have much life experience. Yet even now that he's in his 60s, he's still standoffish and disinterested, and always prioritizes his own interests (he'd rather watch a match in silence than sit and talk, even though I'm hardly ever there).

My mother had a temper and was a bit neurotic, and although she's mellowed, we still rub each other up the wrong way if we spend more than a few consecutive hours together.

I try to do things differently with my own kids, although I have fatherly flaws too.

I have three siblings. I'm not close to two. We chat casually when we see each other, but radio silence in between. One I am closer to, mainly because he moved to the country where I'm based for a few years and we hung out a lot.