Friends snubbing me.

oddballpost

So there is a group of 5 of us ladies from school. We had earmarked a date for a weekend away abroad, last year for end of april this year. I had been having a tough time since christmas so was really looking forward to this. January discussions started on where to go, too expensive, too far away, too many days etc etc from 2 of the ladies. February came still nothing booked, couldn't find something that suited everyone, march came and seemed that they didnt book the friday off work so could only go for 1 night. I had enough of it and realised i wasn't going anywhere that weekend.

Meanwhile the other 2 girls had a trip booked for 2 nights midweek alone as they always did trips themselves as their schedules match. I only found this out as i was saying i really needed some time away, have some health scares and mental health not good. I was invited and added to their room the week before. Organised childcare sorted everything and went. I hadnt been on a plane in 7 years. I was so excited.

The week after i got back i realised i was been snubbed by the other 2 girls. Not a word was said to me. Their kids ignore my kids in school.

Im not a teenager, im in my 40s. They watch my socials and not even a happy birthday. They still interact with the other 2 i went away with. Im annoyed that im letting this bother me. I was invited on a well needed trip and for once i thought of myself anf took the opportunity. I messaged them and got no reply.

How do i deal with this? I dont feel comfortable with someone being "my friend" to watch my life but not even wave at me on the street. But then i feel if i delete them, im worse🙈

Have never had a falling out with friends before with no discussion.

Any advise, im actually losing sleep over this and the impact on my kids being ignored.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - OP, I amended your thread title very slightly for clarity. 

Hilda

Galaxy00

Sorry you're going through so many difficulties OP, your 'friends' behaviour obviously isn't adding nicely to it. My advice is either have a very open and honest conversation with these people or you can still stay 'friends' with them on social media but you can edit settings such as unfollow them where you don't see their feed/posts etc and they won't know you unfollowed them. Im sorry your kids are being impacted in this, very wrong but at the end of the day, if there is malice in it, you're much better off without toxic people in your life, especially in your 40s, aint nobody got time for that shi*. I know it can be really hurtful to find out your friends weren't what you thought them to be, and sometimes people change, friends come and go, but in the long run, its a blessing and you won't need to waste your precious time and energy on those who don't appreciate and value you, best of luck

HildaOgdenx

Friendships change, OP, as we go through life. I suggest it's time to let those two go. As pp said, change your social media settings so you can't see them, and better still if they can't see you. Maybe stay off social media for a while, if it's upsetting you.

There's a saying about 'drains and radiators' - which would you prefer to have around you? Those who drain you, for whatever reason, or those who warm your life, and enrich it in some way. Have a read online on that topic, there's some good stuff there.

Remember they can only affect you negatively if you allow them to. You can't change or control their behaviour but you can control your reaction to it.

Look after yourself, and your health. That's the most important thing. Take care.

witchgirl26

OP honestly it could be that they feel that they were left out & are acting out. I'm not excusing their behaviour but more trying to see the whole picture. Think about it - you were all trying to go away together & then 3 of the group go away, leaving the other 2. If you were part of the other 2, would you have felt a bit left out? I get they were being great about trying to figure it out in terms of timing but still could have caused unintentional hurt. That said, how they've reacted since, isn't very mature. Instead of saying it outright, they have focused it all on you which is massively unfair.

If they're refusing to speak to you, I'd send them both a message saying you understand that they might be hurt by 3 of the group going away without them but that you don't understand why they are ignoring only you and not the others as well. If you want to save the friendships, then maybe use it as a way to offer to have a catch up etc with them in person and leave the ball fully in their court.

Have you talked to the 2 you went away with about this? Has anything been said to them about why this has been happening?

Airyfairy12

Block them from your stories, dont interact with them again, theyve shown what theyre like so accept that & move on. Sounds like the two women that invited you along with them are true friends, stick with them & dont give a second thought to the others, they dont deserve your friendship.

Pauliedragon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120584452#Comment_120584452

This +1 OP. Couldn't have worded it better myself. You're better off without them. I found out over the years you find out who your true friends are when life gets tough and you say you've had a tough time. The real friends go towards you and help you but the fake ones go AWOL. A very close friend of mine is going through a similar situation she has a very ill parent, medical issues herself and all of a sudden the phone stops ringing. It rings when they want a pissup but a chat over coffee or a walk around the park noone is to be seen. I've always kept a very small circle of close friends in my life for this reason rather than a large circle of people who are mostly aquaintances and are only around when it suits them but are on the missing list if things get a little tough. Best of luck you.

Have have taken flights for two nights, but u less it’s a business trip a one nighter overseas just wouldn’t be in for me either. Especially when suffering from health issues, you need time to unwind after a journey and not be facing two major journeys two days running. Maybe there was an issue with communicating it and they got peeved. It is very wrong that the children should be involved. After all the two choosing the one nighter would have had each other’s company for the quick weekend.

People can be very strange. I lost a friend by conceding to have my colon removed and a stoma bag fitted because of severe colitis. According to her I should have refused going for such surgery as I had allowed my body to be mutilated unnecessarily. During my previous hospital admissions she was always into me, sending cards, flowers etc, then when I had the huge surgery things cooled way down. After that I was getting the message she strongly disapproved. To cut the story here, basically I told her to keep herself to herself, that was it.

skallywag

OP, whatever about your friends not talking to you, the fact that their kids are ignoring yours in school is just plain weird in my book. You are better off not being around people like this.

recode the site wrote: People can be very strange. I lost a friend by conceding to have my colon removed and a stoma bag fitted because of severe colitis. According to her I should have refused going for such surgery as I had allowed my body to be mutilated unnecessarily. During my previous hospital admissions she was always into me, sending cards, flowers etc, then when I had the huge surgery things cooled way down. After that I was getting the message she strongly disapproved. To cut the story here, basically I told her to keep herself to herself, that was it.

Assuming you two do not share a colon, then this must be the strangest post I've ever seen on Boards. Someone falling out with you because you needed serious surgery? Hope things are working our OK for you by the way.

oddballpost

Thank you for all the replies. I tried contacting them and they never read my messages.

Its the kids im more hurt by. After thinking about it, they were never there for me, only when they wanted something or for nights away etc. Never a "how are you" text or call. So i have decided im better off away from there.

I do understand about us going and they probably felt left out, butit wasnt my place to ask them as i was invited into the others trip away.

Those 2 are always out and going away and i was never invited. I never threw a strop.

Its sad really as they actually put their heads down at the school gates to avoid me. I hold my head now. Lifes too short. Thank you all. 😁