First date

miss choc

Went on a first date with a guy we got on great loads in common chatted from 7pm until closing time walked me to a taxi. Did a courtesy text when I got home saying I had a nice evening he texted back to to say he had too and asked me out again saying if we wanted to meet up again.

We were texting everyday up till Easter Monday didn't mind not meeting at Easter as can be busy but no arrangements made yet and he hasn't replied to two texts I typed few days ago which is strange. I don't over text but I do a bit I feel the momentum is going now shame I liked him. I just don't understand why would he ask me out again and then stop texting now. He was new to the app and quiet. #confused we have 6 things in common and had a great first date 🤷🏼‍♀️ should I ignore it or call him out on it I feel o want answers I nearly prefer if he had said no to a second date as I would know where I stood. Would love opinions

homingbird

sounds like he met someone else as he was all for a second date & gone quite now you may have brought him out of himself & he is willing to try a few more dates before deciding which is bad form on his behalf as when you meet the right person you dont shop around & he is count it as his loss & move on.

rolling boh

Seems like he had a few options and is trying another one let him off if he was interested he wouldn't behave like that .Seems like it's a numbers game with a lot of dating now so let it go I would say .

homingbird

You seem a decent soul & I wish you the best maybe mister right Is out there for you so this was ment to happen for you to meet your future husband.

amdublin

It really is true: plenty more fish in the sea. And you need to get out there and meet them in order to find The One. Suggest release this one back in the ocean and onwards and upwards to meet the next one (and the next one) until you meet the right one. It's a pure numbers game, don't let this one bother you

He hasn't been back in contact so you know exactly where you stand.

It's the dating world.

On to the next one.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120478406#Comment_120478406

This. There’s no need to wonder about it and certainly no need to call him out on it. I know it’s frustrating when you really liked him and it seemed he wanted more - but people are allowed to change their minds. It was only one date not a 6 year relationship.

But I am sorry you have this experience, it’s hurts but it’s all part of the online dating experience and you have to just get on with it.

miss choc

Thanks for feedback yes he was new to dating app so maybe I helped nudge him along but would have preferred if he had said no spark or ignored me after first date not say he wants to meet up again text for a whole 3 weeks every day then nothing so weird. Believe me I've been on apps, events, singles nights the dating pond is very narrow the older you get 35+

YellowLead

I think in a lot of cases it’s because as you say the dating pool is very small post 35 that people often settle for something that’s okay and keep it going because it’s better than nothing, then at the sniff of what they really want, they drop the initial person. Which is why you should never just cruise along trying to make something work just because you are lonely or want a relationship - it’s not fair on the other person. He’ll probably realise some day when somebody does it to him.

miss choc

Oh I know what I want I don't settle any more, after 35 you know more what you want. We had lots in common his Mam had Alzheimer's as did my Dad that one a bond as well as travel, sports, film nature. He was quite shy but just confused me asking me out again and texting loads. I'm putting it down to going on another date in the space of a week 😄even though he was new to apps or maybe he got back with ex. I'll never know. He was first guy I had a spark with in a while but yeah right no point calling him out on it as makes me look needy I'm more curious tbh first few days were hard but don't really care now

TheadoreT

Those are extremely broad commonalities (sick parents aside). Most healthy people will enjoy the things you mentioned so I wouldn't get too downhearted over it.

Was he recently single if he's only new to the apps? It very typical of people who arent long out of a relationship to blow hot and cold. A lot of people don't give themselves long enough to heal after a breakup and can be emotionally all over the place. Maybe the ex got back in touch as you say, who knows.

Try temper expectations early in dating until someone proves themselves worthy of your trust. And be extra cautious of those who may not be fully emotionally available and/or love bomb you early.

Jafin

If he hasn't responded after you've sent him two texts I'd say just leave it at this point. If he does text back with a semi-reasonable excuse (although it would most likely be just that - an excuse) then you could give him another chance, but that's up to you. I wouldn't recommend texting him again. Ghosting is, unfortunately, part and parcel of dating these days and a lot of people don't have the courage to just say they changed their mind and would prefer not to meet again.

miss choc

Yeah its weird in all my times dating never been ghosted now I know 😄. I think he had mentioned he split up with girlfriend few months ago so guess I was his first testing the water experience. It was strange a long comfortable 5 hr conversation he told me very personal stuff. Maybe cause we were both cancerians we opened up 😄

amdublin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120492896#Comment_120492896

Well lucky you. Am afraid to say you should prepare yourself for it to happen again. More often than not, it is the way dating goes these days

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120492896#Comment_120492896

Well there's your answer. A few months is no time at all to be split up. Particularly if he was dumped he may have still been in love with the ex. Can take over a year to heal from a LTR. You could be Margot Robbie and still have little chance if someone's still obsessed with the ex.

My guess is he'll probably get back in touch again but you shouldn't fall for it. The hot and cold behaviour will only continue.

miss choc

Oh yeah if he did no way unless there was a really genuine reason. But can stand a flaky person. Over it now and chatting to others just the first few weeks was hurt as had lots in common.

amdublin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120506180#Comment_120506180

There is no "really genuine reason". He ghosted you. If he comes back to you, you should just ignore his contact and not engage with him

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120492896#Comment_120492896

Often when one is told very personal stuff, they are looking for a free therapist, but that’s the cynic in me. Sometimes people with childhood trauma are particularly likely to do this, and as such can be doing the rounds ever seeking the solace of a listening ear and not find a closure or resolution in that as such trauma really needs professional therapy.

On various encounters I’ve known people to open up about very serious stuff, but they tend to retreat to the shell quickly again owing to the awful nature of it. One guy, was getting around to telling me he had sadly managed to cause someone’s death by drunk driving, but then he suddenly stopped telling me, went completely silent and just looked incredibly sad and lost.