Dating

Lelo1

Showed my friend a picture of the guy I was chatting to on bumble. He seems nice and open and I was going to date him but my friend has seen him on a swingers site. He was having sex with random women. She says his profile is down now. I'm a person who is saving themselves for the right person. Do you think I should date this guy? I can't tell him my friend was chatting to him on the swingers site.

Caranica

Why can't you? You need to be open from the start or don't waste your time

Lelo1

I wouldn't want to embarrass him. I'm presuming it's something he wouldn't want others to know. I don't know if I want to date someone who is promiscuous

Augme

I wouldn't go on a date. It's wasting both of your time. He's not going to he interested in someone who's saving themselves for the right person tbh, and vice-a-versa.

YellowLead

Personally I wouldn’t date him if looking for a relationship, even if he’s changed his mind now - he’s only just out of shagging different women for the sake of it. And he could be on bumble because he’s ran out on the swingers site which is probably a smaller pool.

No, this person is not for you. Make absolutely sure to put on your profile that you do not want casual sex or relationships, but friendship which will hopefully lead to a romantic relationship. It has to be explicit.

Galaxy00

Flat out no, be thankful for your friends knowledge, best of luck finding someone

Sardonicat

Is your friend absolutely certain? Does your friend know this because they are part of that scene themselves?

TheadoreT

Don't think there's any harm going on a date and getting a feel for things in person. You should be able to tell pretty fast what his intentions are. It's not mutually exclusives that he may have explored swinging and now wants a monogomous relationship. Also I wouldn't rule out the chance your friend is lying to you about the swingers site, she may be jealous.

Even if he was it shouldn't define him as a person. I had a lot of casual sex when single, it's fun and also gives you a better idea what you actually like. I've never cheated in relationships.

In reality most guys want a lot of it, the non "promiscous" guy may just be rubbish with women and less sure of what he likes which would bring issues of it own. And they'd probably be more likely to get possessive with you knowing their options are limited.

You like this guys openess in chat for a reason. So don't judge him for embracing that trait in his life. Instead explore if you have a connection without being put off by his past.

Lelo1

Ya my friend is part of the scene so she's absolutely sure it was him but she thinks he was only on the site for a short while and then he deleted it. When I showed her his photos her face changed immediately.

89897

If you're considering dating him, then tell him honestly that you are waiting for the right person and see what he says. He might at that point be very clear that hes not looking for the same thing you are and then you'll know for sure.

Big Bag of Chips

You are going to find it very difficult, especially on dating apps to find someone who has not had any/many previous sexual partners. It may work for you , but a lot of people on the apps use them for hook-ups. They swipe until they see something they like, and they have plenty of options. So if you are saving yourself then it is very likely your first time is going to be with someone who has a sexual past, possibly multiple partners.

He tried swinging, and decided it wasn't for him and left the site. He may or may not have ever met anyone from the site. How does your friend know for a fact he was having sex with multiple women unless she was present when it happened?

If you like him arrange to meet him and see what happens. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't owe him a second date if you're not comfortable after the first. You don't have to sleep with him immediately, or ever. You don't owe your friend the courtesy of avoiding him or turning him down just because she saw his picture somewhere.

I assume you're an adult, so it's time to start making your own decisions, based on your own experiences. You might be letting something go that could work out. You might be letting something go that will be a bit of fun for a while but not end up happily-ever-after in 40 years time. You might be letting something go that doesn't work out at all, but teaches you something about yourself and about your instincts and about what you want. Your friend isn't going to know/recognise every fella you encounter on the apps, so there might be fellas a whole lot "worse" than this lad that you will give a chance to and agree to meet all because your friend didn't advise one way or another.

Make your own decisions, based on how you feel yourself. Trust your own feelings. You won't always get it right. Nobody does. But at least you'll be growing and learning and finding out who you are.

Just to add - you sound quite inexperienced both sexually and in the world of online dating. Always keep yourself safe. Arrange to meet in public places. Have a plan of escape if things aren't going well - somewhere to be at a certain time. Don't give out any personal information such as address, place of work etc in the early days. Make your own way there and back. Let friends know where you are and with whom. It's just small things that allow you to keep control of a situation. Most people are decent. Some aren't.

Segotias

I think the fact that you are saving yourself and effectively judging him by calling him promiscuous as I assume you've negative connotations with that.

Move on, though you will find it very hard to meet someone without some sexual history and experience. So you may need to factor this into when you are talking to other people.

Sardonicat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120390414#Comment_120390414

So maybe he only dipped a toe in to get a feel if it was for him. Don't rule him out before you meet him. There's nothing wrong with enjoying casual sex if you're single and nothing wrong with wanting a more committed relationship before sleeping with someone either. Exploring his options doesn't mean he's not open to the latter. As has been said above, if you each put all your cards on the table about your wants and expectations with no judgement on either side then ye can make a decision from there.

Thelonious Monk

If it bothers you he was on a casual sex site then why would you meet him? many of us have sought casual sex in real life or on websites and that doesn't mean you're open to meeting the love of your life either.

Tork

Have you even met this guy yet? I get the impression that you've decided you want to go out with him without actually having met him in person. You could find that you have no chemistry in real life if you go on a date.

Unless you specifically search for religious people who don't believe in sex before marriage (a Burke?) you're going to be dealing with men who have a past. Everybody has their own red line and yours is different to the next person's. Normally I'd say you should go on the date anyway and get an idea of what he's like but I'm not sure that's for you. I think you've been put off by this revelation and that your expectations are a bit different to most people's.

JoChervil

Warning applied for breach of charter - generalisations and sweeping statements are not helpful in PI.

Also if you have an issue with a post / poster please report it and the mods will take a look at it.

Hilda

Airyfairy12

I agree with others, if youre looking for someone with similar views around sex as yourself, youre unlikely to find that on dating apps, although there are some men that would come across as being virgins or having little sexual experience it's likely due to a lack of options rather than a personal choice. I wonder could a church group or a specific dating site thats inline with your views, be a better option for you? Just a suggestion.