I accidentally led someone on feeling embarrassed

Lisn

I have a bf. I was recently out and posted a photo on my story. A girl I used to work with replied complementing me I liked the message and she asked if I was out and if we should meet, I didn't really know her well but would be fond of one of her friends so I told her where we were going and she said she can't go there. I thought nothing of it and said maybe next time.

Well next time I was in a bar with my friends and saw a mutual friend of ours from work. He complemented me a lot and told me the girl was there. She eventually came over to where me and my friends were sitting and in retrospect she was a little handsy but I thought nothing of it at the time. Especially since everyone at work knows I am straight and have a bf even if he's currently in another country.

As the night went on she had bought me a drink and danced with me a few times, just something I thought was normal and friendly at the time. Next thing I know our mutual friend is asking me questions about dating, I was a little drunk so I just answered without reading into them, one of the questions he asked was if I would date someone a few years younger,I said no that even a year younger was an ick for me.

My friends brought up that they thought the girl from work was gay, honestly it never crossed my mind to think of her sexuality as it wasn't my business. I eventually tried to return to my friends but the girl and our mutual friend were usually close by and would try to dance with me frequently. Truthfully I found it slightly annoying. I just wanted to be with my friends but I was really nice probably too nice and let the girl hug me or talk in my ear frequently (the place was loud)

Next thing I know I am feeling a bit like she is being a bit much but I didn't want to be rude because some people are just very affectionate.

When I was leaving the mutual friend was inviting me to a party and saying how he is glad the girl and I could get together as she has had a crush on me since we first met, she was apparently crying when I didn't agree to meet with her after she replied to my story and said I had stopped replying to her. I was told she again cried during the night when I said I wasn't interested in dating or interested in someone younger than me. I felt bad that I had caused someone to cry and I said I didn't want to get with her as politely as I could. He immediately told her this and she became so clingy. She wanted to dance with me and talk in my ear. I let her speak but truthfully I was getting drunk and ready to go home so I apologised for making her cry and told her she was pretty and that she'll find someone. She was being pretty handsy at this point and I was fit to go home so I gave her a hug and left

I feel bad for being so clueless I thought she was just like some of my straight friends and loved to over complement and be affectionate when dancing or drunk.

I've realised I didn't mention I had a bf or I'm straight as the reasons I said no. I just said no and drunk me thought that was enough but sober me now has a girl who is in my dms who thinks I am interested and playing hard to get due to letting her get me a drink and dancing with her closely.

I realise now with a sober mind that she was flirting but since women are not on my radar and I'm pretty clearly straight I let it go to far. Even though I was saying no I had danced with her closely let her hug me a lot and accepted a drink from her. I also have some unopened Dms that I am actually nervous to open.

I realise I need to apologise to her but I also just feel so awkward about the entire thing because I am clearly clueless and I am hoping someone has some words of advice. I also don't want her old friends in my current work to think I've been leading her on either.

What can I even say that won't hurt her feelings?

whomitconcerns

You have made yourself clear. This was not a long term lead on. Stay away from the topic and the person and let them get used to the idea. If you have mutual friends, they can let them know your straight and have a bf.

In short.. Stay out of it

Lisn

So I can just ignore her dms? And hope it all sorts itself?

Hoboo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120260182#Comment_120260182

Of course you can, you control you.

Did she or your so called friends know you had a boyfriend?

Annasopra

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120260182#Comment_120260182

Open the dms

Send a really short DM apology saying that you are really sorry if there was any misunderstanding and that you have a bf. Leave it at that. Dont engage in lots of DMs back and forth.

Jafin

I agree with Annasopra, I think it's best to nip it in the bud rather than ignore it. At least that way she will know clearly where she stands.

Lisn

Thank you for the advice, she has since deleted the Dm so I didn't get to reply or read more than the notification bar would show. But a guy who is a good friend of hers and an acquaintance of mine texted me apologising on her behalf. He had told me she said she was sorry for pushing even though I was repeatedly saying no and she was feeling embarrassed also. I also wrote a short apology through him as well.

I'm so glad that it is over now. I've felt terrible and anxious up until this point.

Jafin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120267798#Comment_120267798

I'm glad there has been some sort of resolution. It's awful to have things like this hanging in limbo.