Don’t see a way

claralittle

I’m a 32 year old woman and single about a year. I’d now love to meet someone even for dating if nothing serious comes of it. The problem is I don’t have much opportunity.

about a month ago my friend invited us to the pub to celebrate her birthday. 2 of us went and I got chatting to a guy who approached me. We really hit it off and I really fancied him. We spent some time chatting but before we got a chance to kiss, our lift arrived to go home…. I really wish I had the chance to see this guy again.. but I don’t cos my friends never go out usually

i think if my friends were interested in nights out it would be easy but they’re all in relationships and never want to go to pubs/clubs. What do I do??

spaceHopper

You need to make more friends, join a club or do classes, half the people there are there for the same reason. You just need to be approachable and to take a few tiny risks. Also what's stopping you from arranging a few nights out

TheadoreT

Are you looking for advice for finding this guy or how to meet single people in general?

If its the first i'd say forget about it, no point obsessing over someone you barely know. Next time you find yourself in that situation don't forget to shoot your shot so you don't regret it, just ask for his number before you leave. Women are far more assertive these days so don't think it's the man's job and then stew in regret for weeks after over missed opportunities

If its the latter then yeah as above put yourself in situations where you're likely to meet new friends/potential dates. Clubs or online dating the obvious suggestions.

Most of us need to go out and put ourselves into uncomfortable situations to improve our lives, things generally don't just fall into place without effort.

claralittle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120242821#Comment_120242821

i can't arrange any nights out because my friends arent interested sadly.. i tried but gave up when they never want to go out. they only want to do daytime sober stuff

claralittle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120242916#Comment_120242916

I dont know to be honest. I would love to find this guy he said he lives nearby and i reckon if i went to the same pub a few times id see him again but nobody will go with me :( it's depressing. i guess the main thing i want is to meet others and have chances with guys even if not this guy. you're right though i was stewing in regret for weeks after. i feel like i know i can attract guys and know what i need to do but just cant do it, id look like a loner going alone. when you suggested clubs or classes, what kind do you mean? i wouldn't be interested in online dating because it feels forced and i much prefer organically meeting guys and the excitement of wondering if they're into you etc.

twiddleypop

Hi Clara, I'm 31F in a similar situation. Just deleted all the dating apps last week as the amount of time vs actual dates was not worth the investment.

>>Mod snip<< Please read the forum charter. Thank you.

I think that widening the social circle is the way: I've signed up for tag rugby in a few weeks and suppose I'm trying to get myself back out there.

HildaOgdenx

Mod Note

I have edited your post @twiddleypop

As a general reminder to all, offers or requests for PMs are a serious breach of the PI charter.

Hilda

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2057282513/requesting-offering-pms-please-read#latest

Swaine

Go to the pub on your own?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120246423#Comment_120246423

I was just about to suggest the same!

StringerBell

Did you not get the fellas name like? Could you not look him up on social media?

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120245422#Comment_120245422

What are you into? There's groups that cater for most interests.

And I wouldn't knock online dating before giving it a try. Most people are apprehensive at first but it's just really a means of introduction and all very normal once you meet. And I'm sure most women would tell you there's still plenty of not knowing if someone's into you and excitement of wondering, if that does it for you. What have you to lose? You might even match your man there if he's local and single, most guys use them.

You can sit in your bedroom every night and wish for life to organically fall into place for you, or you can take steps to actually improve it now. Be more open to new things and evolving.

claralittle

Dress up And just sit on my own? Do people actualy do that? How weird would that look? And if a guy approaches me and I say “I’m here on my own” I’d sound like a weirdo

raclle

It sounds like OP wants to do things the old fashioned way and go to the pub to meet people. Maybe alcohol gives her a confidence boost too. OP what others are suggesting is to get involved in something that will lead to making friends and then you can have your nights out.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120246550#Comment_120246550

Why would it look weird?

These issues are in your own head!

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120246570#Comment_120246570

To be fair I wouldn’t imagine too many women would be comfortable heading to the pub by themselves - bar maybe an old man’s quiet pub, but that’s not where OP is likely to get an opportunity. I would not go on a night out by myself, personally and I don’t think OP is unreasonable not liking this idea.

Do try the apps OP, it’s a lot of time swiping but can be fun - why not give it a shot. Otherwise join a tennis club or a hiking group or something you enjoy doing.

Galaxy00

Hey OP, totally relate, try bumble as it has 2 options, romantic relationships or the other option is to make new friends, best of luck

jen1978

To be honest i think your friends are very selfish. I think thats where your problem lies. If i had a single friend who recently thought they had met someone nice and wanted to see if they could meet them again then i would defo go along to the pub with her for few hours in the hope of meeting him again and of course leave early once i knew they could get chatting in a safe environment and a safe way home. And in fact arrange for another friend to do the same for her the next weekend until she might meet him. These friends are probably the same age approx. Ye are not exactly over the hill… i know my husband would come along too for moral support if i asked him. One weekend in the month even wouldnt kill them.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120245402#Comment_120245402

Did you read the paragraph you actually quoted? It’s about building up new friends and having new experiences. You don’t have to organize anything, up just have to sign up, turn up and be social - nothing more than that. Pick something that interests you and provides social interaction: say learning a language, crafts etc… And this summer do something different for the holidays that takes you out of your comfort zone. Something active - perhaps a group cycling or rambling in Europe and do it alone not with your current collection of friends. It’s up to you to decide to change, nobody else.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120246550#Comment_120246550

Go to a busy bar that has live bands playing. You can stand watching the music, you don't have to be sitting at a table by yourself. Or stand by the bar supping.

messrs

OP there is a group on FB called GirlCrew and they organise nights out and meets up. Why dont you check it out and you might find people local to you to go on nights out with

sparrowcar

If you want to see this guy in the pub again then set yourself up for success.

Get a/your laptop and go to the pub and buy yourself a drink. Sit in the corner typing away with your drink, anyone asks your wifi is on the blink at home. Now that you don't look like a "weirdo" as you put it you can concentrate in finding your man without fear of ridicule.

2 fast

Unfortunately girlcrew doesn't exist anymore.

Would you set up a group?

89897

Theres a group called Dublin Mixed Events on Facebook that have nights and events regularly. They are very active and I know people that have made loads of friends on it.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120252717#Comment_120252717

Don't do this. In a busy bar on a Saturday night sitting with a laptop out is totally out of place.

It's unlikely the guy will be in the pub on a quiet Tuesday morning when working on a laptop is acceptable in a pub.

Airyfairy12

Im in a very similar situation, none of my friends go out much or have any interest in expanding our social circle & its very hard to do this on your own, especially in your 30's as you can get on great with people but progressing from acquaintances to friends is really complicated for some reason. I think womens friendships work differently to mens friendships who often have the football or something as an excuse to go to the pub together and hang out even if theyve just met, women dont have that sort of set up going so its harder to connect & make friendships I think. Also, the suggestion of going to a pub on your own just doesnt work for woman. Men do that and no one bats an eye but if a woman does it, all sorts of things are assumed about her.

Wish I had a good answer for you but the only thing I can think of suggesting is to maybe take up some hobbies that men are interested in or go to places where men spend time and try to meet someone through that? All I can think of is maybe taking up a sport? Do a part time course in something that more men than women would be interested in?

rolling boh

Could you just look in casually and if he sees or speaks to you can say you popped in to see your other friends .You don't have to dress up big time .

Purple Mountain

Do you have work colleagues? Is there anyone there you could ask if they'd like a night out?

Tell them your situation and that you'd really like to go to the pub to see if you can meet that guy again.

In my job, the younger crew are often organising nights out/early birds etc. You'd be surprised if you suggested it, how many people might actually be delighted. We always get a good crowd going and all it takes is one person to suggest something.