Date a recovering addict

slither12

My mate has been with a girl in her 20s for a few months now. She's good looking and has a Law degree but he told me that she's was a former heroin user.

As one can imagine, this would turn a lot of people off. He says she's been clean since rehab in October and wants to know if he should stick with her.

I wouldn't be judgmental of people with addiction but I am aware that with heroin and other opioids, there's a high rate of relapse.

What would you do in this sitution?

Apiarist

I would not give my mate any advice. If you say that she is trouble and he dumps her and in 20 years she is a president of the Law Society of Ireland, wouldn't you look silly? Likewise, you say that he should overlook the addiction and then he starts noticing things missing from his house and the girl having unexplained absences, you would be blamed for your advice.

Your mate needs to confront his doubts himself and make his own decision.

Seth Brundle

None of us know how likely she is to fall off the wagon (and fair play to her stayng clean so far).

However, should she fall off the wagon, is your friend prepared to step up and help her, however he can?

I have read where it is highly unwise for anyone to enter a relationship with an individual who is not at least a year successfully clean of whatever they are addicted to. Therapists’ advice is that dating should be off the agenda until that somewhat arbitrary “probationary” period is over, when the individual is habituated in their sobriety and has learned the tools to better cope with adversities. It is said this is because relapse is most likely to occur in that period and a very common trigger is relationship disappointment/break-up. Really this means, if she is following recovery advice and taking it seriously she would herself avoid getting into that territory for a year or two. October is not at all long ago at all since being in active addiction.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120215466#Comment_120215466

This, she shouldn't be dating anyone right now and if shes taking her recovery seriously she wouldn't be. Relapse can happen at any point but a few months is a very short time into recovery. I sincerely wish her all the best in her recovery but it takes serious work and dedication.

spaceHopper

For you no good can come of it to advise your mate to go either way. And you could do harm to both of them. It's really up to him. It's her decision to date him so soon after leaving rehab so that's up to her.

Tell your mate that whatever their decision you are always there to listen.