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Friend who messages often but does not seem interested in conversation..don't know what to think?

  • 01-02-2023 6:51pm
    Registered Users Posts: 5,502 ✭✭✭

    So, usually when somebody doesn't show interest in a friendship with me, I just leave it. I don't see the point in keeping it going if it's one sided.

    But this situation I have with this friend has me confused. I made a friend about a year ago through a mutual friend. We became very close for 4 or 5 months, texting daily and meeting but not super often as we live far from one another. After a few months though they basically dropped me from their life, never txted first and always let conversations run dry, seemingly deliberately. I cannot understate the change in their behaviour btw, they used to send daily voice notes minutes long and then a few months later it was one word replies to interesting stories or things I tell them. It simply was not my imagination or my lack of trying to keep the good times rolling.

    After a month or two of that though they went back to texting me often. They'd often begin conversations. But the weird thing is, they never went back to being the talkative person they were when I met them. They'd reply with the dullest crap and sometimes I just ignore as they are clearly trying so little to keep the conversation going. Only for them a few days later to send me another dull message like 'what's up', 'how you been'. It's like they've wiped the memory of our friendship from their mind, like in the past we'd text interesting things that happened us, jokes, things we know we had in common. Not dull everyday small talk. So that would say to me, and presumably anybody, that they couldn't a give **** about maintaing the friendship, but then why would they text so often.

    Reason I kept it going is, I really liked them when I first met them. It was the strongest connection I have had with a person in a long time and even though it really hurt when they dropped me, it's the enjoyment I got from the original relationship which has me still entertaining this weird bs...

    At times I've felt like lashing out like, why the F can you seemingly act like a conversation is an impossibility between us when we used to talk for hours on end not 6 months ago? But I don't want to permanently destroy things.

    Sorry if it's lacking context. But sometimes many posters are very insightful on here...even with only bits and pieces of a story.

    Thank you for reading.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,707 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard

    Why didn't/don't you just ask them? If they're that good a friend a straightforward "Is everything OK, you seemed a bit distant there for a while?" should be the simplest thing in the world.

    Nobody here can tell you what's going on with them.

  • Registered Users Posts: 10,711 ✭✭✭✭Jim_Hodge

    +1 Just ask them. Nobody but the pair of you have, or could have, any idea what's going on.

  • Registered Users Posts: 925 ✭✭✭TheadoreT

    Far too vague on actual details to give advise. I can't even tell if you wanted this to be a purely platonic friendship or if there's other feelings there.The intensity of your post is a bit alarming though.

    And you don't know what's happening in someone elses life so perhaps actually asking them if they're OK instead of ignoring them would be a good starting point.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,853 ✭✭✭YellowLead

    OP is it purely friendship you are looking for from this person or do you have feelings for them? It’s coming across as the latter. I’d say maybe this was all too intense for two people who just met and they realised it and backed down.

  • Posts: 1,539 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]

    It sounds to me like they may have been going through something, but not something they particularly wanted to share at the time.

    Ask them.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭apache

    I have someone like this in my life. Constant txts for months and then goes all distant with how you been txts. I don't get it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,433 ✭✭✭NSAman

    People have many things going on in their lives. Sometimes it can be slow, sometimes it can be chaotic.

    Many of my friends do this, but we have known each other years and years. I live far away from them. They have families and businesses and lives outside of their texting. I too do this...;)