Is texting cheating?

gizmobilly

I found out that my partner has sent a text message to a girl telling her she is gorgeous. What would your reaction be to this?

Very confused

KaneToad

If you think it's cheating, then it is.

gizmobilly

I'm unsure of what to do

Ubbquittious

Maybe it was an innocent text designed to lift said friend out of the doldrums

YellowLead

Yes it is. Well, it would be in my book - but every relationship and person is different.

I mean we don’t have the context, if it’s a female friend and she was feeling down after being dumped and he was reassuring her by dying she’s gorgeous then that grand, but a random woman and it’s unprompted - he’s trying to eat in her pants.

You must have been suspicious to go checking his phone?

babliss2009

I’d be fuming and hurt.

An awful lot depends on context - my rule of thumb is would I be hurt if my other half said whatever to someone (or I found out they had) and if so not say it. Example, I’d often tell my friends they looked great but I’d say that to both male and female. I’d never say wow, I’d like to see underneath that outfit..

more depends on how you are together usually, what the background is and how they’ve reacted to you being upset.

bottom line, if you’re hurt or angry, no one can tell you you’re wrong to be.

equally, only you can decide how to handle it. If it was me, and this was a complete one off I’d have the talk about why you’re upset.

if they’re not receptive then maybe have a think about how you’d cope with misaligned boundaries (that’s a mouthful) in future.

if this is the latest in a series of being flirty with other people, might be worth thinking about are they or th e relationship right for you

x

Context is key.

gizmobilly

He had a few drinks and messaged her.I have never seen him being flirty before. The woman didn't reply to him. She's a neighbour of his.

I'm just so shocked because I always thought we had a good relationship and he was mad about me.

I confronted him and he tried to say he was only messing. I told him to get out of my house and I haven't seen him since

Jequ0n

It’s just a text complimenting her. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill

gizmobilly

No definitely not. I spoke with her and she was not impressed that he text her.

callaway92

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120044630#Comment_120044630

Are you actually that naive? My god

gizmobilly

How do you mean?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120044657#Comment_120044657

I’m far from naive. This is ridiculous (to me)

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120044617#Comment_120044617

You did the right thing. Tell him he is now free to chase after her all he wants.

callaway92

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120044813#Comment_120044813

I can’t believe you think it’s ridiculous

The lad telling the girl she’s gorgeous was 100% looking for a flirty chat. If you don’t consider it cheating then fair enough, but to use the ‘ah ya he’s trying to help a sad friend’ is so naive

Marn02

In my opinion it IS absolutely cheating. Speaking from experience!! The chat was had, words were exchanged and promises made. Now, this week, Christmas week, I have discovered a second phone with chats and explicit videos from her, with details of their trysts .... I am fuming!! He's sorry!! Sorry he was caught more like. I'm not sad, just so disappointed. He's not worth crying over.

gizmobilly

Did you invest much time in the relationship?

Danzy

No. It's dumb, talk it out.

Take it from a grown up position, not emotional hurt.

Larbre34

It may not technically be cheating now, but he sent that text because he wanted it to be.

So I'd be treating it as if he had cheated on you. At least this way you get to decide what to do for your own good, without the humiliation of him actually having had sex with someone else.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120045093#Comment_120045093

Of course it’s flirting but I don’t see why it would be a big deal.

You might be mixing up posters but I never went down the “helping a sad friend” route.

Marn02

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120045229#Comment_120045229

30 years married!!

gizmobilly

😕😒

ottolwinner

Yea its cheating, or opportunistic at the very least.

Where do you find yourself now? Has he made no effort to contact you?

gizmobilly

No effort whatsoever

gizmobilly

Oh dear!!!! Will you leave?

gizmobilly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120045300#Comment_120045300

Oh dear!!!!! Will you leave?

gizmobilly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120045436#Comment_120045436

Nothing at all!!

ottolwinner

He’s made no effort to contact you?

how long are ye together? It seems very evasive of him?

Count Dracula

Dump him.

He needs to be texting you to tell you how gorgeous you are, if he isn't forget him.

Get rid of him.

Marn02

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120048327#Comment_120048327

No....but he will

Jequ0n

If he hasn’t tried to contact you he clearly doesn’t care, or he has something better to occupy himself with.

Enjoy the hunt OP