How to ask

discoinferno

Start seeing a guy I like. We had been texting before I met my ex but never got around to a date for a few reasons. Recently, we have reconnected and finally went on a date which went well. I’m recently out of a serious relationship (4months) but feel ready to start dating again. He mentioned he was seeing someone a few weeks back but it ended and I’m curious, can you ask if someone’s on the rebound or if they are still hung up on someone else? He hasn’t said anything to that effect and he asked me to date him but I don’t want to get hurt after breaking up with my exBF or end up in the middle of something that isn’t over. I’m in the mindset of I’d rather walk away now if I am gonna be hurt than waste time.

thanks

YellowLead

You’re never really going to be able to pre empt getting hurt or not. You need to be ready for that to happen and to be okay with it, if you’re not okay with that risk then you are not ready to date again.

Take things slowly with this guy - you don’t need to ask if he is on the rebound or hung up on someone else - that will become apparent in time if it is the case. Don’t get invested too soon.

Tork

Are you not in much the same boat yourself? It's not that long ago that you went through a break-up. And if I am remembering the correct poster, you were bothered more recently by your friends continuing to mention your ex? (Sorry if I'm getting mixed up - I can't find that thread now).

The thing is, there is no definitive answer to it. This new guy might not even know if he's still hung up on his ex or not. Going out with him is a risk but isn't that a part of dating anyway?

TheadoreT

So he makes an innocuous comment about seeing someone recently and you're straight to "he's obsessed with someone else" in your mind?

It doesn't sound like you're ready for dating OP, so he probably should be the one to be worried here if anyone.

Dating is way too unpredictable to be getting attached too early. Just hang out and have fun for a while and you'll soon know if the two of you have a chance of something more serious or if he's indeed not into it.

And you should probably date others too, obsessing over 1 person when you barely know them rarely ends well.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

OP, I'm going to close this thread for the reason discussed in our recent PMs.

HS