Enjoy financial assets or save them to leave to children?

Hannaho

I have children who have not always been grateful, to put it mildly, but have improved considerably, but still don't demonstrate a lot of concern or care - both early 20s now. Don't live with me. Don't demonstrate concern or care - in hospital recently for surgery and had difficulty collecting me, staying for a night at home with me- supposed to have someone stay with me the first night after surgery. Recently diagnosed with a cardiac issue, and never asked was I okay etc. They are living for college in a house belonging to family, but we have had mice on two occasions due to the mess they leave, and I have had to pay, though I asked for contribution for them, and they did give it, albeit reluctantly. Still in situation that if I complain about something they have done that is not respectful, caring etc. then I am told I am angry, like I had no right to be angry over the mice issue though I had to ring the pest control firm and hand out 500 quid. I want to work part-time now - to have a bit of a life, but have been saving assets for my kids - 2 x houses and a holiday home. I feel like liquidating one of these properties, and just enjoying life more. Am I wrong to do this? I grew up in a famiy that always believed in handing on wealth to one's children, but then we were all generally good kids who helped, co-operated etc.

SuperBowserWorld

Enjoy your life while you can, especially if you haven't in the past. You only live once. Even if you do realise some of the value of your assets for yourself, your ungrateful kids will still get a huge inheritance for doing absolutely nothing. Also might make them sit up and take notice. Talk to a good solicitor to make sure you enjoy the rest of your life and retirement and are adequately catered for in case you are incapacitated etc etc etc

whomadewho

Sell the property and enjoy life, you only live once. I got a part-time job at 14, Ive been self sufficient ever since. I worked all through college. I gave up 20% of my wage to my mam as soon as I got a full time job. Went abroad for a few years, came home and bought my own house. Your kids will appreciate it more when they have to work for it. So you enjoy what you have worked hard for.

elperello

You are fortunate in having sufficient assets to spend some on yourself and leave something behind.

Find the balance between the two that suits you and go for it.

Keep in touch with the kids, they will mature.

Gusser09

So you have pretty normal kids then?

Set aside something for them leave them the property or something. Live your life though.

wench

Wanting to leave something for your children is fine, but you also need to enjoy the fruits of your own labour.

You've set them up well with an education, accomodation and financial support thus far.

By the time you shuffle off your mortal coil they should be well established, and not waiting around with their hands out for an inheritance.

Dial Hard

This is your umpteenth thread about your kids. Even in a normal situation, I'd be saying live your life, inheritance by definition is whatever's left.

In the case of your ungrateful little shíts, I wouldn't be leaving them a penny.

elperello

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120001642#Comment_120001642

You are right, not everyone matures but most do.

I'm reminded of the reply given by George W Bush when he was being criticised for youthful indiscretions -

(not a big fan of George W by the way 🙂)

Caranica

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120001673#Comment_120001673

This response nails it. OP I don't know what you think you'll get out of this thread you haven't been advised in your myriad others.

Jim2007

I’d say you are fool not to do this! There is a very big difference to the world of even 50 years ago when wealth was very thin on the ground and there was were few opportunities for young people.

You need to update your thinking:

• You can give your kids a good education and the means to provide for themselves, after that it’s up to them to sort themselves out.
• People live more stressful lives now a days, don’t expect them to drop everything and run to your aid for free when you have the means to solve your own problems. You need someone to pick you up hire someone, you need home care get someone in for a few days.
• You need to cut back and live life a bit, absolutely do so, you have earned the right to do so.

Both my kids are professional qualified and living their own lives. I retired at 55 a few years ago now and my kids know there is no point expecting there to be much left when my wife and I pass on, so they better sort themselves out.

Spend the money on yourself. They are adults, they are responsible for themselves now.

Hannibal_Smith

OP, considering the advice you've received before, what do you want to do? Think about it and do it. You've received so much advice here before, do you think the responses will change?

Tork

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120001673#Comment_120001673

This to the power of a million 👆️ I've seen many of your previous threads about your offspring as well. If what you've written in the past is true, why are you even asking this question. These ungrateful shíts don't deserve another cent of your money. Nor do they deserve another second of your time. Why you thought they'd help you out when you were sick is beyond me. The only thing they want from you is your money. Don't give it to them.

Kalimah

I'd have left them with the mice! Might teach them a lesson. Spend the money and enjoy your life.

bikeman1

Sell one of the houses, semi retire and enjoy life. Hopefully you will have enjoyed enough of it that on your passing there will only be a family home left for them which is more than many people.

Big Bag of Chips

I firmly believe that you should live your life the way you want to while you're alive. Spend your money that you earn on things you like to do. If there's anything available or left over, after you've enjoyed your life with your own money, then it can be left as inheritance.

But, if I thought my mother was skrimping and being a martyr, denying herself things she might like to do all so that she can leave money to me at some undisclosed, random time in the future (could still be 40 or 50 years years time) I'd be annoyed.

If you want to sell them and use the cash for yourself now, do it. If you want to sell them and gift your children their "inheritance" now, do it. I just think planning for something and putting off current living for something that's potentially so far down the road just seems like a wasted exercise.

Your kids aren't particularly nice people. They're not appreciative of anything you've done for them. They expect a lot. Although some might say they were given too much leeway as teenagers so now the expectation has naturally developed. They're still not independent adults so still expect you to support them.

This is a decision you'll have to make for yourself. But I'd be thinking of life now. Not of a potential life that may or may not exist in 30 years time.

Either of your children might not be talking to you at that point. They barely acknowledge you now only to throw abuse or demands at you. Live your life for now. Not everybody gets inheritance. It's not guaranteed and shouldn't be expected. Live now, whatever is left behind can be divided.

Jafin

Enjoy your life. You've raised your kids, you've done your job. I'm an only child of a single parent family so when my mam passes (hopefully far, far into the future) all her assets will go to me. I've told her several times that when she retires she shouldn't be worrying about saving money for my inheritance and that money is there to be spent, so she should enjoy it and enjoy herself.

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120001673#Comment_120001673

This is pretty much the post I clicked into this thread to leave.

OP, if you are really wondering what you should do? Read back over the threads where you've outlined their behaviour and then go spend the money on frivolity and craic.

Tork

Also OP, don't think that by preserving your offsprings' inheritance that they'll like you more. They won't.

Overdehils

Confucius say 'You have two lives, the second one begins when you realise you've only one' Spend your money, enjoy! 🙂

Hannaho

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. My son has improved a lot, but my daughter is still hasn't, though she is the oldest - only contacting or picking up the phone when I call or answering a text when she wants something, usually money, and sometimes information that she thinks I might know re tax, tax credits, banking etc. I often try an arrange to do something nice with her - lunch/dinner in restaurant, a night away etc, but though I give her maybe a month's notice or more, she will always keep me hanging on until the day or if a night away, the week before, before saying 'no.' I feel it's quite deliberate. After cardiac issues and surgery for another issue though recently - neither of them phoned to see if I was ok or needed anything. Both are working and studying though now, and apart from me paying college fees and the bills for the house they are living in, and the occasional ask for money when they run out, it's not as bad as it was. The house they live in belongs to a family member who is abroad, so the fact that they left the place in a mess, meant I had to pay the pest control service bill. There is another tenant renting a room in the house - they were blaming my children and my children were blaming them. Re the assets - I inherited from my family. All my extended family are big into passing assets/money on to their children. It's just for me, is that I have worked so hard to raise them, and preserve what I was given as well as what I earned, that I feel exhausted, and would health issues would really like to go part-time, liquidate a property and just enjoy my life for however long is left. I guess going against long-held family values is hard.

Dial Hard

Sorry, Hannaho, but I just can't read another post of you trying to justify your kids' absolutely horrendous treatment of you despite of ALL THE ADVICE you've received across your countless threads here telling you the same thing.

Even your account of their "improved" behaviour in your last response is eye-watering. I don't know anyone - literally anyine - who expects their parents to bankroll them to the extent they do. And then treat you like the shít on their shoes into the bargain.

I won't be responding to any more of your threads. It's clear you're in complete denial about what utter dickheads you've raised and you're never going to listen to any of the unanimous advice you receive.

Hannibal_Smith

If you don't sell and struggle yourself, their behaviour won't change. If you sell a place and go part time their behaviour won't change. So you do what you have to do make your own life easier.

Big Bag of Chips

Both are working and studying though now, and apart from me paying college fees and the bills for the house they are living in, and the occasional ask for money when they run out, it's not as bad as it was.

Well that's a relief that you paying their bills, college fees, and bailing them out when they ask for more money (not forgetting paying pest control - could they not have gotten a few mouse traps in the local Spar?) I'd an improvement on your adult children's way of living!

Are they living rent free/extremely cheap? I feel sorry for the unsuspecting housemate. Up to you what you want to do, but you can't make your financial decisions based on what others are doing. Their situation is not yours. Your children are not their's.

You've had years of threads here about them. Your son might be coming round, but you're still paying his expenses. Your daughter doesn't want to spend time with you. She doesn't want to go away over night. So stop asking. You'll hear from her when she wants something.

It can be difficult as a parent to turn your back. But sometimes, for your own good, it is necessary.

...Ghost...

Cutting off ungrateful cretins from your life will be the best thing you have ever done. Trust me. If that's not incentive enough for them to change, then you know you definitely made the best decision. Your children are horrible and may never come around to knowing that unless forced to.

shesty

I think it would be of more benefit to your children to not have assets handed to them on a plate.

Their history to date would suggest that it would do them more good to have to stand on their own two feet, and I think you would be doing them a disservice, at this stage, to be keeping assets for them.

You're a person too.Go enjoy your life.But - whatever you do, if you sell one and keep two, then make sure what's left is to be clearly and equally divided, either through a sale or other means, when the time comes.

Yoshimi79

You never seem to listen to any bit of advice given here, so yes I think you should leave them everything

Count Dracula

If you pass on 3 houses to your kids it is likely that they will have a large CAT bill and your assets may need to liquidate to pay their liability.

If you end up in a nursing home you will need every penny you have.

It could end up costing your estate a lot of money, It is common for 18 yrolds to start rebelling, don't beat yourself up about it. They are spreading their wings, kids will inevitably disappoint the people who love them most... it happens. Twenty somethings are focussed on establishing new boundaries, especially ones that do not include their parents, this is rational behaviour, they are indicating to you that they are able to survive without you. They are no longer cute little kids, they are flying the nest, well kind of.

I would rather my kids got my money than the government, at least the kid can benefit, the government will just squander it on something stupid, don't let them do that to your families' assets, you most likely worked hard for them. You purchased those assets after you paid tax on your income, why pay it again a generation later?

You don't stop being their parent.... ever. You raise your pup you get your dog, You need to let them know that you are unhappy with their lack of attention to you, where do you think they learnt how to act in such a callous manner?

AyeGer

Enjoy your life OP and leave your kids something, even if its only 50K each its better than nothing. Its ridiculous for you to be spending so much time working when you would rather go part time just to leave it to your kids. And i'd say the same if your kids were grateful for all you have done for them.

Similar to a point made by someone above, i'd be horrified if it thought my parents were going without just to leave me and my siblings money.

Go part time, go on nice holidays, do up the house, buy a new car. Its your money not theirs.

Hannaho

Thanks for advice. I have put one house on the market, and am just going to use the money to semi-retire - work part-time 20 hrs per week. Re the mice - the house was so badly infested that it requires an ongoing pest control contract. There was never mice there before they moved in. The children knew there were mice there since October, but never told us, never set traps or put down poison, but just continued to leave clutter and food around - so by December there was an infestation. This is the second time this happened. The last time, it was a friend sharing with them that was particularly dirty, but we told them on that occasion that mice breed really quickly and an infestation can happen in weeks, but they didn't take that advice on board this time. So far it's cost just over 1500 between pest control, getting cleaning company in to disinfect and clean all the cupboards with mice droppings, filling up any holes that we can see, and one of my children also got bed bugs, so mattress and sheets etc had to all be thrown out, and be replaced. I feel exhausted from it all, and as usual they can't see why I would be annoyed, or why my family would want them out of the house.

HildaOgdenx

Mod Note - I'm going to close the thread off at this point as you have reached a decision on the original issue. 

Thanks to everyone who offered advice. 

All the best. 

Hilda