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She moved out during mediation and we have shared custody schedule

  • 02-12-2022 9:01pm
    Registered Users Posts: 3 prakasha

    Hi Guys, I recently started mediation and my wife moved out suddenly. I came home from mediation (after agreeing to 50/50 child care) to find that she is moving out of the family home (joint mortgage), to a rented apartment. Context, she was abusive of me and when the last time it happened, I pushed her back for the 1st time. She made a police report against me with Safety and Protection order. However, I had evidence (message from her) that she was hitting me when I pushed her - My solicitor confirmed that we do have evidence against her. She has since rescinded all orders. We have a child that we are now co-parenting. She wants me to sell the house that we bought recently as her family gifted the down payment (which she wants and I agree its hers). I am now paying the mortgage payments on my own and don't want to sell the house as it is a home that our son loves a lot and its perfect for him. She works part-time while I WFH full time. Please can someone advise if the court will force me to sell the house, and if so, will I have more equity of the sale as I am paying for the mortgage and house maintenance?


  • Registered Users Posts: 24 lost2022

    "I am now paying the mortgage payments on my own and don't want to sell the house as it is a home that our son loves a lot and its perfect for him." The key is with your son. The "best interests of the child" are the central consideration, with 'proper provision' for each spouse being next.

    Is he still with you now that she has moved out? If so, how are you managing him with being in full-time employment, albeit from home? What age is your son? Could your part-time-working ex contend that she could only get a part-time job because she was looking after your child?

    You don't say where in Ireland you are, but if you're in Dublin, go along to the Talk2Us meeting tomorrow night in Clarke's pub in Phibsboro at 8pm ( They help people to represent themselves in court, but also have lots of advice on how to deal with various aspects of the process. Also, book a free family law legal consultation with FLAC ( without delay (the waiting list could be six weeks).

    For a specialist family law solicitor you can be paying anything from €200 to €400 per hour. It could be money well spent, however.

  • Registered Users Posts: 283 ✭✭ Senature

    Try to think and plan in the longer term as much as you can. Your family unit now needs to pay for two homes, not just the one. Your child needs their own bedroom in each home.

    If you haven't already done so, open your own bank account asap. Have your salary lodged to this account only. Pay the mortgage, bills, groceries etc on your home from this along with anything else you buy for your child and any of your own personal loans. You are not responsible for paying for additional rent or food etc for her if she has decided to leave and is contributing nothing financially to your shared home.

    When that is all set up, close your joint account if you can. Any balance can be split evenly between the two of you. Keep a record of this.

    If you have joint credit cards, cancel them if you can and get your own.

    In terms of financial settlements, be careful what you agree to. For example, the downpayment on your house should not be due back to your wife in full if she is not contributing anything to ongoing mortgage payments. She has contributed downpayment, you have made mortgage payments. She is due back the difference between the two amounts at best.

    You are both financially responsible for providing for your child. If you are paying mortgage and bills on one home, she can pay rent/mortgage and bills for the other. In terms of maintenance, 50/50 access and care should mean you pay almost nothing, as you will already be covering the cost of caring for your child while they are with you. If there are childcare expenses, pay your half directly to the provider rather than including in a maintenance agreement. Same for activities, private school fees or college fees etc.

    Also, she will be getting child benefit, which should be more than enough to cover clothes, shoes and basic school expenses including books and uniform.

    Get good legal advice, and don't be too quick to agree to anything. Take care of yourself and your child as best you can during this difficult time.

  • Registered Users Posts: 24 lost2022

    "Also, she will be getting child benefit, which should be more than enough to cover clothes, shoes and basic school expenses including books and uniform."

    And don't forget the double payment of €280 per child last month, November 2022 ( Or, indeed, that if she's entitled to the One-Parent Family Allowance, that's up to a further €248 per week per child (if they are under 12) [].

    Indeed, here's a list of all possible payments, so be sure to include the relevant ones into any financial calculations.