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Ill friend:(

  • 02-10-2022 6:56pm
    #1
    road_high
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,475 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    Just reaching out for some help really. Long story short- guy I’ve known a long time has stomach cancer (recurring again, he had it before I knew him too). This summer gone by I felt myself growing close to him. We had just been friends for a few years. We went on a few dates. I could feel myself really falling for him big time. Was like I hadn’t seen what was in front of my eyes for a few years.

    Anyhow, I could suddenly feel him pull away from

    Me. Grow cold distant and put off any attempts to see me. It hurt. I eventually got it out of him that he was back on Chemo drugs and radiotherapy for the cancer. In his words “just a few dodgy cells”. He said he said he didn’t want to drag someone else into it all. I respect that and of course I kept in touch. Tried helping him out in little ways I could.

    Fast forward to this week. I tentatively asked him how the treatment had been going. He said not sure as the treatment hasn’t appeared to improve the situation with the cancer. All through text so I don’t have a full picture and again respectfully letting him tell me what he wants to tell rather than more pressure from me. Which he does not need. Only thing is I’ve been shattered all weekend worrying and thinking about him since those words. I realise this is not about me it’s about him and I want to continue the support. I can just tell from the tone and mood of the texts he is very down beat. He suggested he may not continue with the treatment. Which I have to say absolutely floored me. Had anyone any advice or experience of anything similar?

    Thanks for listening:)



Comments

  • #2
    standardg60
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,881 ✭✭✭standardg60


    So you've both been floored OP, him with the prospect of death and you with the prospect of losing him.

    He's possibly struggling even coming to terms with that himself yet his natural inclination is to protect you from having to share in that distressing outcome.

    If you want to be there for him and put yourself through that then tell him that's what you want to do.

    If there are ever times to be completely honest with yourself and others these are it, i wish you both well.



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