Driving Fear

Redberry

How do you get get over the fears? At this point my instructor said I really must do my test and that further lessons are a waste of money as I'm using them as an excuse to not do my test.

He said I'm a competent driver and that any problems I have are down to my hesitation and lack of confidence.

I even have my own lovely car and it's just parked out there because tiny little things can knock my confidence. I'm afraid of my own car because it feels different to my instructors car. Mine is smaller and much less powerful but for example, to start it you have to press the brake and clutch together and then turn the key and this has made me mentally go "NOPE". I am so fearful of doing something wrong.

I can do everything fine like reversing around the corner, roundabouts, turnabouts, everything really.. But that's only because I have the safety net of my instructor beside me.

He told me yesterday that the time really has come to just get on with it myself and that he's taking my money for nothing now.

I've been taking lessons, doing pre tests and driving with family members since 2015 and still never showed up for a test out of fear. I know it's shameful and ridiculous and it's holding me back hugely because I need a full licence so I can get on the road by myself. Has anyone ever been this afraid and are now able to drive alone?

For context, I grew up with an extremely aggressive and sexist road rager. This has definitely impacted my fears around annoying other drivers on the road.

[Steve]

I'd suggest driving around an empty car park for short periods of time on your own and build up slowly from there. For example - just sit in the car and get comfortable with start/stop on your own. Do a couple loops around the car park alone. Take it at your own pace.

You won't be able to go out on public roads alone as a learner but this could help get past those nerves of being alone and starting the car. Try have your full licence driver remain silent when out on the roads, just ignore that they are present. Might help.

We've all been at a similar point where you realise you're in control of a vehicle on your own - no instructor to help push pedals etc. It can be daunting at first but you'll get there eventually. Some people pick it up straight away, for others it takes more time. Nothing to be ashamed about really.

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119645195#Comment_119645195

Thank you very much for this, yes both points you made are exactly what I need. Someone silent to accompany me, this is what my instructor does now too. Tells me where we're going and just let's me do my thing.

I definitely need to go to an empty car park to just get used to the feel of my own car for sure. I will do this as soon as I have a full licensed driver to accompany me there.

hoodie6029

In the gentlest way and with no judgement, I would suggest maybe a counselling session with a trained therapist. People use them to overcome a fear of flying and any number of other things.

Having experienced a less than ideal driver behaviour growing up will have knocked your confidence and a therapist will help you with that.

Driving brings great freedom, go where you want, when you want and opens up the whole country to explore. It would be a shame to have past negative experiences keeping that from you.

This is a website of the main association for therapists in Ireland.

https://iahip.org/

65535

Quote: Mine is smaller and much less powerful but for example, to start it you have to press the brake and clutch together and then turn the key and this has made me mentally go "NOPE". I am so fearful of doing something wrong.

IN ALL Cars you are supposed to press the brake and clutch together before turning the key.

The clutch down is just in case it's in gear, the brake because you don't want it to move.

I would suggest an automatic car - a lot easier to learn in and a lot easier to get going in - then after a while with your confidence boosted you could move to a manual car.

As for the test all I can say is that I (who has gained 100% in an advanced driving course) failed the first time due to nervousness - the second time I was in a hurry to go away abroad and I sailed through it.

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119650756#Comment_119650756

I've been considering this for sure, thank you!

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119650787#Comment_119650787

I already have a car and it's a manual and I'm not in a position to get a new automatic one, I need to just learn to get on with it really. My problem isn't even with changing gears, it's stupid things like an irrational fear of the handbrake not working or some serious malfunction that causes an accident.

Like I could be stopped on a hill in traffic and be plagued with an intrusive thought of "what if", it's really ridiculous stuff & it is essential now that I cop on & get past it.

Well done on the 100% in advanced driving, that is so impressive, I'm delighted for you and also slightly in awe 😅

It’s not a great time to be buying cars etc, but I can heartily recommend hybrids, which are very gentle in movement and headache free to run. I drive a Toyota CH-R, tons of safety tech in it, reverse camera, very relaxing to drive. I’ve driven diesel automatics with that start/stop which can be jerky and abrupt at starting off. For a nervous driver a hybrid is a real blessing, and hybrids/electric will be more or less the standard type of driving experience in the future. If one can find an affordable one!

Seth Brundle

You do sound like you have some form of anxiety and professional help (sorry if that sounds bad but not my intent!) would be good.

Like I could be stopped on a hill in traffic and be plagued with an intrusive thought of "what if", it's really ridiculous stuff & it is essential now that I cop on & get past it.

In terms of other drivers behind you whennyou make a mistake, feck them! If they lose patience then thats for them to deal with but everyone must learn sometime. Dont let their impatience fluster you.

Atlantic Dawn

I found myself starting off thinking too much about other drivers and how they reacted to me, you need to put that out of your head, you drive your car legally and with care and let them drive theirs whatever way they want to. I'd recommend with the L plates on your car giving it to a qualified family member to take it for a drive with you to see how they are treated by ignorant drivers, it's night and day how the L sticker provokes reaction from idiots.

As regards the cluth I'd recommend taking the car out on a quiet day on some hill and practice both going up the hill from stop and down from stop, this will help understand the bite point of the clutch and how to control the car. As mentioned local car parks are very good to practice manouvering in to spaces and reversing.

I'd also recommend chatting to a family member or friend and telling them you want them to force you go go out for a drive with them as a passenger as many times as they possibly can, perhaps every 2nd day, rain hail or snow, no excuses. Every drive you go out on you will get more experience, the more challenging environments the better.

Redberry

No it doesn't sound bad at all, I completely agree with you!

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119651670#Comment_119651670

Thanks so much, this is exactly right. I think if I go out somewhere quiet and just get used to the feel of my own car, get used the biting point etc I'll be fine.

I could drive anywhere in my instructors car, I hope I can reach this level in my own car on my own too.

Seth Brundle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119654377#Comment_119654377

I think if I go out somewhere quiet and just get used to the feel of my own car, get used the biting point etc I'll be fine.

When you're doing this, listen to your engine. You want a nice smooth sound (which comes with practice) and not have the engine struggling for power (and similarly not hitting the rev-limiter). Get used to the sound of the revs when you're on a slight hill and you're releasing the clutch. Your car will tell you if it needs more throttle. If you don't give it, then it will probably cut out or shake, etc.

Most elements of driving become second nature and you'll find that in time you will do things automatically but it takes practice and confidence.

Like I said previously, feck everyone else (within safety limits obviously). I saw someone broken down today and the driver was out of the car, hazard lights on, etc. Drivers directly behind her were still losing their **** as if she could do something about it (they were able to easily drive around her!). It's just that some people will be tossers no matter what so don't let them get to you.

MV33

Do you mind me asking why you are not getting lessons in your own car by your instructor?

JL555

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119650787#Comment_119650787

Not true. Check the car is in neutral and make sure the brake is on, then switch on the ignition, do not apply pressure to the clutch and brake pedal until actually ready to use them for the purposes of changing gear and braking. but I'm sure as you got 100% in some test, I must be wrong.

65535

DO apply the clutch - you are starting the engine - NOT the engine AND the gearbox - it makes no sense to start both

Try and understand !

https://carfromjapan.com/article/driving-tips/pressing-the-clutch-pedal-while-starting-the-car-in-neutral/

65535

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119651327#Comment_119651327

Maybe you could get lessons in an automatic - do the test in the automatic and pass - OK they will give you an automatic only licence but you gotta start somewhere !

And as for failing the test - it happens to everyone - a colleague of mine failed 6 times before passing

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119655770#Comment_119655770

I didn't know we can do this? I thought they only use their own car. This would be amazing though!!

MV33

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119656033#Comment_119656033

Absolutely you can do this. If your current instructor does not provide this service then shop around.

you can do lessons, pre-tests and your actual test in your own car.

What County are you in?

Redberry

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119656242#Comment_119656242

I sent it via DM. Thanks. I didn't know this was even a possibility.

get_test_ready

Hi Redberry,

I am an ex driving instructor and now a coach. Fear is normal for learners but as you get more experience your confidence should be improving. THere are three things at play and I think you kind of know them already: Your confidence in yourself, your confidence in your ability to control the car in ALL situations, and your confidence in your ability to hold it together during a test.

Knowing the mechanics of driving is not the same as being confident about driving. I found that a lot of students are overwhelmed by what is happening outside the car and don't know what to pay attention to. This comes down to their lack of confidence in their ability to read the dangers and react appropriately. Driving slow is not the fix and will usually result in penalties in the test. I suspect that you have enough experience by now and should be able to keep up with traffic comfortably.

Aimless practice is probably not going to get you to the standard needed for the test so figure out what needs fixing (your head, your driving mechanics or your ability to read the road and reactions). Knowing what problem your fixing is the way to get full value from your practice and start to overcome your fear.