HELP ME DECIDE PLEASE!!! Sorry for this long rant

lhn26

Can someone please help me decide whether I should accept the offer at UCD for commerce international (with French).

Ever since fifth year this is course I had wanted to do mainly because I never actually had an interest in anything so when anyone would ask me what I want to do in college I would say business and this lead me to eventually put business choices on my cao.

I also was never the type to aim like 600 points or anything, I always only wanted about 550 but to be honest with you I never worked hard during school and by the end of the sixth year before the leaving cert I was panicking that I was going to fail higher level maths because I never get more than 20% and I never study so I would get about 350 points. This was even before I started the exams for leaving cert. I had already decided that I was going to repeat about two weeks before the leaving cert so at that stage I mentally gave up even trying to study the week before for leaving cert. I constantly calculated my points and thought that getting 350 points is getting realer with every exam done. I really did regret not studying but the fact that in the back of my head I was thinking that I have a second chance next year really made me feel better which is so bad. Towards the end of august I was actually even hoping to get low points in a way so it would motivate me to study harder for this repeating year and that my mother would force me to go to college ( she is very against me repeating the lc) but turns out I actually got alright points and I even got the offer of my second choice. Even though I put it as my second it was always the one I wanted cuz I knew my points wouldn’t be high enough for anything higher than that course. But when I got the offer I genuinely didn’t feel any joy. I even wished I had not gotten an offer at UCD at all ( since i only want to study in ucd or trinity) and that would give me an excuse to repeat. Ever since I thought about repeating like even before the lc exams I was doing a lot of research as to what I actually want to do and I had already decided that next year my first choice would be economics and finance then actuarial and financial studies. But now I don’t know if I should js be glad that I got an offer from UCD without doing any study or putting in any effort and then js go to it instead of torturing myself for another year, and possibly not getting into any of the courses I want next year. Can someone please help me decide if I should repeat?

over summer I had planned to study new material since our exams adjustments allowed us to not cover some topics and I always said in my head that I will be motivated but now it’s september and I haven’t opened a book and this is making me even more scared that I will fail next year. I always have such high ambitions I guess but I never put in any effort at all , I have an extremely bad procrastination problem.

so yeah ever since I had wanted to repeat by the end of may I was thinking that I want to become an actuary but now idk how I can become one with this business course but idk if I should chance not getting this course next year and not even this business course again since you never know when the points could go back up again.

last thing that I want to add would be that knowing myself I know if I don’t repeat this year and just go to do commerce I would regret this for life even if I do have a good job in the future, I hate regretting so much since that’s all I’ve been doing since **** up my education by not studying for my lc and always thinking omg I shoudlve js studied ugh but once again if I repeat and do worse I’ll regret that as well cuz I even got an offer and could’ve just went to college, so please please can someone give me some useful advice as I would actually listen, I’m so desperate right now I only have 4 days to accept this offer!!!!

In a way I even wish I hadn’t gotten the offer like the points alright but I wish taht the points for this course went up but no it went now I know it sounds ungrateful and everyone around me is telling me to just go but I really don’t want to have something to regret forever and if the points had went up and i don’t get it that’ll actually give me a reason to repeat to tell my mom because I said I only want to go to UCD or TCD