What can I eat / drink to give myself a good "cleanse"?

JackieChang

I want to make as much scutter as possible.

I completely stuffed myself over the last few days and need to get it out of me. Pizzas, chips, crisps, a big steak, chocolate, sweets etc. I feel very bloated and unhealthy.

I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee but no movement yet.

EmmetSpiceland

If you’re looking to go down the “au natural” route you should look at pears. Fresh, never tinned.

Aside from that there is the “Bendar Method” which involves consuming a number of kiwi fruits. A tried and trusted way to get things moving but can take time and you need to eat them “skin and all”.

If you’re in a rush and need things leaving with a bang you will require 2 bags of Frutella’s “Sugar Free Fruit Jelly Duos”. These will cause large build ups of internal gas, which leads to discomfort and bloating, before leaving the body with excessive force.

While this technique will be fast acting the effects can last for over 24 hours so you will be making multiple trips to the bathroom and you will see jellies in the bowl.

As an aside, never, ever, give more than a couple of these “sweets” to children.

rtron

Unrefined salt and water look it up.

Pissy Missy

Nothing like an upcoming job interview to do that for you. Go back to eating normally and your liver will do the rest

PsychoPete

Half a litre of dipetane

furiousox

Fybogel

Gael23

Get a bottle of lactulose in the chemist and you will block the sewers after 24 hours

Mrs OBumble

Prune juice.

Panthro

A hape a Guinness.

hynesie08

A litre of 100% prune juice and a litre of cloudy apple juice, drink 500ml of each then 50ml of each every 20 minutes, then clear your schedule.

The Continental Op

Half a kilo of dried apricots.

pappyodaniel

If I'm constipated my go to is the tried and tested mug of coffee and a Marlboro Light.

Aglomerado

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119571015#Comment_119571015

Don't stand near any naked flames after those.

Grayson

Nuts. Plenty of cashews etc. Or pretty much any high fibre food. With plenty of water.

Someone mentioned sugar free jellies. Pretty much any sugar free stuff that contains artificial sweeteners, with plenty of water again, will work.

If you want something pleasant though, I use smoothies. I need to have a high fibre diet. So i have a big smoothie every day. bananas, frozen fruit, spinach (sometimes), low fat milk along with cashews and chia seeds. It'll take a day or so longer than the other methods but it won't be as explosive.

Finally, may I suggest 6-8 pints of Guinness. We all know the effect that has. :)

Alexalphago

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119570954#Comment_119570954

or just eat prune

Capt'n Midnight

A few flagons of Aldi's finest pear cider.

Or Andrews Liver Salts "when the bottom has fallen out of your world, let the world fall out of your bottom" / Epsom Salts / Magnesium Sulphate.