Colleague undermining me/ Need to be more assertive

work problem

I am not long in my job. It is a basic job that anyone can do and well basically I feel like one person is undermining me and my work.

For example, anyone can break up cardboard boxes but they come along and say they will do that and they will be quicker. So something as simple as breaking up boxes and they seem to think I'm too thick. Or I don't know what they think.

When inspecting things, they tell me to watch out for common issues. But it is every single time. I know about these issues now and don't need to be constantly reminded, only for them to make you feel bad if something happens and it happens to be my fault. They go on a constant rant and make you feel so bad if you make a mistake. But they make mistakes like everyone else but that doesn't seem to matter to them.

They also stand over me trying to hurry me up with tasks, and the more pressure I feel, the more mistakes I make. Which I don't need their supervision hurrying me up like this. I wouldn't mind but my actual team leader wanted me to work on a particular machine but here's themselves dying to take over because they think they will be quicker. They don't stand over me because of the mistakes I might make because I am actually fine not making mistakes without them but they stand over me because they think they will be quicker.

Yesterday, at the end of the day, I was cleaning with gloves on and had an itchy forehead. I am well aware of what could be on my gloves, so I used my wrist to scratch myself. He started giving out to me and telling me not to put my fingers in eyes, like I'm someone too thick again. Yet, they said nothing about another person actually touching their own face all day long and who knows what's on their hands.

They are constantly undermining me, or I feel like it, and it feels like it's just me and noone else. Actually, somebody else said the same thing about me as well but lately I feel alot of pressure upon me by them and they aren't a team leader or supervisor but one of these people dying to take over.

Not only that, if I ask them a question or something, I get very little from them. I had a new form to fill out during the week and the team leader asked them to show me how to fill it out and they just filled it out themselves without showing me anything and I was even asking them questions about the form but they didn't want to answer for some reason.

Not only that, I found a breakage which slowed things down but they started to blame me... Someone told me that it was a good catch and undermining colleague said something along the lines of how did I find it. I told them exactly what it was. It was hard not to spot the breakage. And they took my answer as an f.you. I don't know how they saw my answer as an f.you but I guess I'm not allowed to say anything to them.

They also have a tone on them when ranting at me and they don't have this tone on them to others.

I sit and take this and continue with my work. They seem to be on a power trip and using me to show their leadership skills or something. I don't know.

I had enough of their attitude towards me yesterday when they gave out to me about something I didn't do. Ie putting dirty gloved fingers into my eyes when I used my god damn wrist to scratch myself and I didn't have any more nice tone on me and I got quite angry with them and told them I wasn't doing what they thought I was (sticking fingers in my eye) and I was using my wrist. They knew from the tone of my voice that I wasn't putting up with it anymore. Or I thought so. They were being very nice towards me today, actually chatting away with me. I thought just maybe my tone of voice said it all yesterday and I was almost right with them being nice. But it didn't last long from them at all. They found something to have another go at me. And I actually think they purposely created the whole situation . They wanted a machine switched on and off and they knew by the sounds of the machine when to switch it off but left it up to me after me telling them I don't understand the noises and off they went on another rant dying to blame me if anything happened.

They are permanent, and I'm not long in the job, so I don't want to be seen as a trouble maker and bringing up issues and in reality, I don't have a leg to stand on.

Is there anything I can do? I cannot avoid them, I have to work with them. I think I need to be more assertive but I don't know what to say or if it's all in my head. But then, I don't see them stepping over other people dying to break up boxes.

So what do others think? If it's not in my head. I need to do something soon to manage my days there because I don't think they will stop.

I am looking for new work because of them but I don't know what to do about a job on the CV that I stayed in for a few weeks. I don't want a new employer thinking I'm going to job hop.

is_that_so

Just learn to zone out rants, even thinking about what you want for dinner will help you do that! Ask questions when they complain to show you are keen to learn. Polite but firm is about as assertive as you need to be and that way you can build up a professional persona. We don't always like the people we work with but we can still work with them. Sounds like that person has a lot of resentment in them. As for moving job well you should try get to six months and learn anything you can from this job.

work problem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494411#Comment_119494411

Thanks for this. The more of a rant they go on and especially when I feel it's being directed at me, the more frustrated I am and it's beginning to show with me getting angry at them and just not taking it. I am actually quite afraid that they will use me getting angry against me, afterall they seem to be on a power trip.

Dohnjoe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494688#Comment_119494688

There are always going to be annoying colleagues but indeed this one seems a bit over the top. Sounds like they have some super insecure **** going on with themselves and they are projecting that onto you. Stand up for yourself, they are a colleague, not your boss, but always be polite. If they repeatedly give you ****, ignore it, and log it later (like on your phone, in a notepad or whatever), in that way if this turns into an issue where you have to go to your manager, you have a detailed breakdown of it - very hard to argue with that. I know you don't want to stir **** in the new job, but it's excellent ammunition to have if it comes to a head.

As for looking for another job, that's fine, most people don't leave their jobs, they leave asshole bosses or co-workers. Obviously if you can stick it for 6 months that's a good minimum, and also if you do switch, you can say you worked hard in X company, but the working atmosphere was not good. In that way your new employer or interviewer should get the impression the issue wasn't you.

work problem

I don't think I can deal with it anymore, so I will log everything. Also, should I say it outright to them? Tell them that I feel like they are undermining me? Though if I do, they will probably have an excuse and tell me something about getting it done quicker. And if that's the case, there's no need to undermine me and having that as an excuse when another person is constantly on their phone and not getting things done quicker.

Pissy Missy

'I sit and take this and continue with my work'

This is a contributing problem. Well done on speaking up for yourself before. But by saying nothing in general or not being assertive, we let people treat us anyway they want.

I has a colleague who told me I should go from a full time to part time, I was speechless and didn't speak up for myself. Another situation I had a supervisor who used to speak down to me, eventually I got the courage to wait for my next opportunity and respectfully said to him 'don't speak to me like that', I had to say it to him three times as he was getting angrier, he then calmed down and apologised and we got on great after. Another colleague spoke to me super disrespectfully, I assertively tried to speak to him aswell but it didn't make a difference. Sometimes you decided whether some people are worth the effort or sometimes fight flight and freeze kick in. But it sounds like this person is making you miserable and you can look at it 2 ways, as you're already considering leaving, what do you have to lose by speaking up for yourself? The other option is say nothing and get out of there ASAP. However there's a lot of learning to come from this by opting for the former. Because trust me, more then likely you're going to run into another colleague like your present one. But ultimately its your life and your decision.

work problem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494923#Comment_119494923

Thanks, I'll wait for the next opportunity and I'm going to have to say something and pull them up on it as it happens.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494963#Comment_119494963

Fairplay and if you could do a practice run with someone even better. Try prepare yourself for possible outcomes

work problem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494976#Comment_119494976

I lost sleep over it last night. So I need to do something about it. I guess I need to say it to the person first and logging issues before bringing it to management.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119494986#Comment_119494986

Sorry to hear that, good on you for being proactive. What I meant was practice a role play of assertiveness with someone you trust like family, friends etc. So that way when the opportunity arises, you might feel a bit more confident/prepared

dobman88

The fact you're taking the shìt off this person means they'll keep doing it.

I've only had such a situation once and nipped it straight away. A guy in work who was only in the job cos he was mates with the manager started standing over me one day when I was doing an extremely minor task.

I looked up and said I don't need anyone standing over me so leave me to it. He said he was only chatting so I said I don't want to chat, now fcuk off.

That was that and he moved onto his next target and never bothered me again.

Gotta be vert assertive and leave that person in absolutely no doubt that you're not taking their shìt

thefa

Putting you down to makes themselves feel better. Someone above mentions insecure, maybe even a bit threatened by somebody else coming in. Can’t be much use if they stand there doing nothing but telling you they could do it better.

Could go down the route of taking their crap like water off a ducks back and ignoring them. They’ll eventually get tired and their attempts will become a bit pathetic the better you get with experience. Would probably take this approach but it’s affecting you and you reacted already to some of it. Possibly go to your supervisor next time it happens and state that this person has been doing x,y&z over the last number of weeks and you just really need to focus on the work. Wouldn’t be worrying about being seen as a trouble-maker if already looking for work elsewhere.

work problem

Another example which I forgot to mention. I thought we had one less of an item, but another person thought we had more. So I got up and checked the box with the items and counted them again. Turns out my co-worker was right with their numbers. Easy enough mistake to make and nobody died and no impact on our work.

When I got up to recount, the undermining colleague told me to sit back down. Like, this surely isn't in my head, is it? There was no need to order me to sit back down, like I was a bold child. I didn't sit back down and I went and recounted and they probably watched me not following their orders.

So far, it feels very subtle because they can easily say it's all about getting the work done faster or whatever their excuse might be and I don't have any concrete proof. But by the way how they are acting, I get a feeling things will get worse because they desperately want more power and they seem to be using me to show their leadership skills or whatever but making people feel bad isn't the way to do it. It's not just a once off either.

screamer

how long has your colleague been there? Maybe they are genuinely just trying to help a new person but don’t realise it’s coming over as over bearing. I think you should have a coffee with them and thank them for their help, tell them that they obviously know the job well and that you’ve appreciated their help to get going, tell them you learn best by doing the work yourself and now that you’re doing ok, you want to work away yourself and you’ll let them know if you come across anything that’s new or that you need help with.

i’d try that approach first and see how it goes with your colleague. And, don’t be stressing yourself out, it’s not worth it.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119496616#Comment_119496616

They are not showing leadership skills, they are showing weakness. Seems to me that they are threatened by you. I suspect that when you gain more experience you will find that this colleague is actually not great at their job or is a work dodger.

backwards_man

OP as others have said if you continue to take it they will continue to do it. It is extremely hard to be assertive in work if you are naturally quiet. Practice some stock phrases in the mirror, in the shower , out walking, so you have them at the ready.....

Regardless of what it is she says to you, whether its that she will be quicker, or stop touching your face, dont address what she actually has said :

"Would you mind not standing there talking to me, I need to continue with this and get it done"

"I am busy here Mary, have you got nothing to do, surely there is something that you could be doing to help out instead of standing there doing nothing, we are all busy here Mary."

"Mary again you are standing there instead of helping out doing jobs that need to be done"

"John, Mary has nothing to go again, have you got some work to keep her busy, she is standing watching me working, Again"

You get the gist, she'll soon leave you alone.

jaffusmax

Hi

Firstly, I completely understand!

I have been in the same situation many times, from being a factory worker to a senior manager, yet I have used the experience to my advantage by identifying and understanding other people's behaviour towards me early and tackling it early.

My job has changed over the years yet certain personality types I have encountered have remained the same in every single role.

Through experience, I have learned:

1. Do not react!
2. Do smile and acknowledge what they say and even sometimes ask for them to show you how they would do the task.
3. Do not believe you are the problem.
4. Unfortunately, as time moves by they will move their negative attention to something/someone else, so long as you don't react!
5. Keep options open by looking at and applying for other jobs and using the experience to not become like them!

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119497220#Comment_119497220

Decent advice. Don’t waste time logging their ****.

ignore. It will pass. They will move on.. chances are most people think they are a moron…..these people will slowly reveal themselves to you…….as long as you don’t do anything moronic

jaffusmax

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119500202#Comment_119500202

Yeap, that's it in a nutshell!

HildaOgdenx

It sounds like they don't have enough work to do if they have so much time for poking their nose into everything you do.

There are people who love trying to provoke others, until the person snaps and then the tormenter will put on an innocent face and act all injured. If that's what you are dealing with, it's best, imo, to tune them out, tell yourself you don't hear or see them, hum a tune in your head or whatever helps, and don't actually let them annoy you.

Only you can decide what way to go with this. If they get no reaction at all or an occasional sarcastic but sugar coated response from you, (where would we all be without you 😏) they might tire of it soon enough.

anndub

It sounds like you work on a production line. Unfortunately this is pretty common in that line of work. While it is really unfair and unpleasant to be spoken to condescendingly and feel like you're under a microscope the role probably does require speed and good attention to detail. Sometimes what seems like a really minor error in one part of the production process actually has huge knock on effects downstream. Everyone is working in a pressurised environment and there can be a very low tolerance for those who are new and maybe not as skilled or experienced as the others. There is a management chain and all those errors filter up to the top and are examined in detail. You won't get the rap but whoever is working directly over you will take it on your behalf.

I've witnessed this many times and ultimately you best bet (if production is where you plan to work) is to listen to the feedback, watch and learn until you are working as quickly was everyone else and rarely making errors. This person sounds very typical of many production workers I've come across so is likely a product of the environment rather than a bully. Like someone else mentioned, concentrate on your job, do it well and eventually it will be someone else's turn.

It doesn't mean you're incompetent btw, don't think that. You just have more to learn