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Advice on reaching out to half siblings

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  • 20-07-2022 10:34pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 2


    I have struggled with this dilemma for years and I am no closer to resolving it by myself so I am looking for advice.

    I was conceived from an affair. My biological Dad was married and I have two half siblings on his side. Unfortunately he passed away when I was 16 and I never met him.

    I am now in my 40s and I feel I am missing a piece of myself by not knowing half of my family and where I come from. I have aunts, uncles, siblings and nieces and nephews that know nothing about me.

    I have put off reaching out to them as I don’t want to hurt them and ruin the image they had of their Dad. Their mum has since remarried. I don’t know if she is aware of the affair or not. It feels very selfish to interrupt their lives. I have hired a Private Investigator to find my aunts and uncles instead to reach out to them but no joy. My mum couldn’t find where they live either.

    Has anyone been in this situation? What would you do?



Comments

  • Posts: 1,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I have 4 siblings ...all male. In 2003 I got a phone call.....TOTALL OUT OF THE BLUE...... MY SISTER..... Jesus, totally out of "left field". So, I guess technically she is my " half" sister but to me it's all equal. An AWFUL lot of similarities to your story......... to cut to the chase it transpires that my eldest brother had known of our sisters existence for years but my late mother & him had entered into some kind of twisted sick deal that no one else was know. After my Fathers passing in 2003 my sister had went to my eldest brother & asked for details of us/ her brothers. She met a wall of silence but her investigator tracked ( easily found really) another brother..... well, that was that, the floodgates were opened. Now, this isn't a 'happy' story ..... a lot of anger / blame / arguements / sude-taking ensued but the end result is that 3of my brothers & I all have a great relationship with our sister & her family. My only advice to you is twofold....;


    1. GO FOR IT, wish you all the best ..... don't let it "linger' any longer.

    2. NOBODY IS AT FAULT HERE....... NOBODY DID ANYTHING WRONG....... you have to "throw the dice" & see where they land



  • Posts: 1,344 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I've had your dilema rattling around in my head last couple of days....... again I'd say.......DO MAKE AN APPROACH/ CONTACT.....DONT carry thoughts of 'what ifs' around for rest of your life



  • Registered Users Posts: 2 Harriet21


    Thanks Ken - I really appreciate the advice. Nice to hear from someone who has been on the opposite side



  • Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭badboyblast


    I am searching for a half brother, given up for adoption and would really like to find him, he is pobably 58 ish now, wonder how i would go about it



  • Registered Users Posts: 473 ✭✭Pistachio19


    Register your details on the Contact Preference Register - have a look at the birthinfo.ie website for info on how to go about this. With any luck he will have registered too. You could also go down the DNA route (ancestry.com for example) as many adoptees are trying this option to connect with birth family.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭koutoubia


    A half sister found me a few weeks ago.

    Younger then me.

    DNA match trough ancestry UK.

    Haven't stopped talking to her since.

    Always knew I had an older half sister and my younger half sister found her but she wants nothing to do with us or any search for our birth mother..

    Found our birth mother and have since found out I have two more half sisters to my birth 'legitimatly' but can't contact them as my birth mother hasn't told them about us



  • Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭badboyblast


    Thanks, I filled in that form , appreciated for your help.



  • Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭badboyblast


    Thanks, I have my DNA profile online as well on Ancestry, found a cousin actually that way as well.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,260 ✭✭✭koutoubia


    my half sisters DNA came up as a first cousin on Ancestry BUT when we started talking it turned out we were half siblings.

    My older half sister's daughter came up as a match with a lot of DNA in common so am working on the idea that both myself and older half sister have the same father as well!



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