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  • 16-07-2022 10:56am
    #1
    Confused Mammy
    Registered Users Posts: 1 ✭


    deleted

    Post edited by Confused Mammy on


Comments

  • #2
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,920 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    It's not just the money that would be the issue for me - although it is an absolutely huge deal - it's the fact that he's never actually given you a proper explanation of where it went. This says one of two things to me, he's actually just not that bothered about the whole situation because he doesn't see it as a big deal, or he's hiding something he's ashamed of, and my money would be on a gambling addiction. Either way, things aren't looking good. If it's a) he's just going to keep doing it and if it's b) he's also going to keep doing it, but with the potential to lose your house, cars, everything.

    I think you need professional help at this point. Couples counselling and if it turns out that he does have a gambling problem, treatment for that for him.

    Good luck, OP. What a horrible situation to be in.

    Post edited by Dial Hard on


  • #3
    HazeDoll
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 549 ✭✭✭HazeDoll


    The first thing I think of reading that is that your husband has an addiction of some sort that he thinks isn't out of hand. Almost all the people I know with addiction issues are good people, caring and trustworthy and decent until the addiction raises its head.

    If he was my husband I wouldn't ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing with this family's money.

    I would look at the money as a symptom and ask him what's been going on that he thinks he can't tell me. Make it clear that you'll support him as long as he's getting help but you won't sit around and let him spend thousands of euros like that.

    Lots of people tell little lies to partners about money, saying they got shoes on sale or knocking a few quid off the cost of some extravagance. That's not the same as allowing a debt to accumulate without a partner's knowledge.

    Of course it might not be an addiction. Does he have an expensive hobby that might be soaking up his money? Or friends with much higher salaries than he has, so he feels he has to splash out to keep up? A family member who keeps borrowing money from him? Whatever it is he'll need to come clean and make a firm commitment to reign it in.

    More that likely you're going to be told, if the conversation gets heated, that you're controlling. Have your answer ready for this. "If I was controlling you wouldn't have had a chance to spend literally thousands on nothing. I'm trying to protect our children, our house and our comfortable family life. I need to be certain that we'll never find ourselves in a debt we can't manage. I'm not trying to control YOU, but we need to get our finances under control."

    Whatever you do, don't bail him out of his current debt.



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