Separating/divorcing: is there any support groups, etc in Dublin?

I'm going through a separation/divorce at the moment. I don't know a single person who has gone through this. I cannot find any support group in Dublin - not a single one - and the Boards' Separation and Divorce forum is good, but has very few people writing about their own experiences in the Irish family law courts.

There is huge secrecy around family law court judgements in Ireland and consequently I have great uncertainty about how men are faring in reality. I've read Carol Coulter's book, but that's based on 2006 family law cases, 16 years' ago.

In addition to the legal system's secrecy, there seems to be an enormous wall of silence and shame from the many tens of thousands of Irish people who have gone through this separation/divorce process in Irish courts. I need to get a healthier perspective to keep me going through these long years of uncertainty and this absence of knowledge is exacerbating the process.

For instance, has any man ever successfully won an equal right to parent/look after his child (Joint physical custody, as opposed to joint legal custody which is standard and a bit of a legal fiction as the children might only be with you 10% of the time)? How did he do it?

Do things get better? How long did it take your kids to get over the worst of the divorce? What to watch out for with them over the years? Can they be happier with the separation than they were with the marriage? And so on.

I suppose I'm just looking for people who have treaded this path just to get an idea of what to watch out for over the years, perspective. My kids are very young, so I appreciate the trajectory will be somewhat different to that faced by kids who were, say, 16 when their parents divorced.

Where are the support groups and shared experiences in Dublin for people going through this on their own? Thanks.

Hannibal_Smith

Moved to Separation and Divorce, as you are not looking for advice.

Local Charter now applies

Thanks

HS

I came across one support group, Talk2Us, but I don't know if it's still active, as well as a Meetup group on this Friday for separated or divorced people in the Dublin area.

1. Talk2US: Unmarried and Separated Advice and Support Group: https://www.talk2us.ie/

It says 'Get in touch with Talk2US to get practical advise and support for unmarried, separated and divorced men and women. Receive a warm welcome free from judgement and discrimination. Weekly meetings held 8pm - 10pm (Closed Bank Holiday Mondays). We shut for the month of August, but can be contacted by phone if necessary during the month. Meetings back in September.' (the contact numbers for three people are on the website)

2. Some excellent advice and support here, but again not much in the way of a support group where people share experiences: www.separated.ie

3. Some help here, but it seems to be a paid service: https://www.separationsupport.ie/

4. A private "divorce coach": https://www.divorcecoachingireland.com/

5. A Meetup.com event for separated/divorced people in Dublin has just been posted for this Friday so you could go along to that: https://www.meetup.com/saol-nua-dublin-support-group-for-separated-divorced-people/

Men's Aid have their monthly meeting in Navan tonight, Wednesday, at 7pm if any men struggling here need support (instructively, unlike Women's Aid Men's Aid don't have the State funding to have any more meetings than that, never mind a 24-hour helpline. Well done on the "equality" agenda, FF/FG/GP).

You'll find the things you think are unique to you are patterns which are very common - with control of the children, and thus the family home, and its consequent parental alienation absolutely massive issues for the people attending (long after the marriage has ended). The kids being threatened with privileges being removed (from the parent they spend most time with) if they go with their fathers was common as mud. And then you get gems of advice from men who have been through the mill: do a Data Protection Request of Tusla [https://www.tusla.ie/about/your-personal-information/new-data-protection/], An Garda Síochána [https://www.garda.ie/en/about-us/online-services/data-protection-foi-police-certificates/an-garda-siochana-f20-october-2019-.pdf], etc as they do not have to tell you if an allegation has been made against you so an allegation could be on your record for years without your knowing. Kangaroo Court justice from our State in 2022. Gobsmacking stuff.

You need to ring MA beforehand to see if there's space but they will try and fit you in: https://www.mensaid.ie/contact-us/

feelings

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119733072#Comment_119733072

Fired off an email off to all organizations funding Womens Aid to ask why they will not support domestic violence against men. So much for equality.

Talk2Us are meeting as usual tonight, Monday 21 November, in Clarke's pub in Phibsboro in Dublin at 8pm. Ring any of the three people at the following link beforehand if you've any questions. There are usually 20 or so people, men and women, there each Monday night: https://www.talk2us.ie/

MensAid are meeting in Navan tomorrow night, Tuesday 22 November, at 7pm. You need to ring MA in advance to see if there's space but they'll try and fit you in but they've now started having 'peer group' meetings every two weeks rather than every month as the numbers were increasing so much and somebody in Tusla finally gave them funding: https://www.mensaid.ie/peer-group-support/

There's no point in going through this alone. There are loads of people going through similar experiences and you could learn much from other people's lessons and perspectives.