Behaviour of 14yr old

Jenniesoul

I was told by a mum via her daughter that my 14 year old daughter was kissing several boys at a South Dublin teen disco recently. I'm a realist not prudish and I discuss sexualiity openly with my kids, my daughter is a good kid who gets good grades in school and sport. My question is I don't know how to deal with this, do I stop her going to discos? Do I chastise her? Is it inappropriate do you think ? Is there anyone I can get advice from ?

Akrasia

Have a chat with her but this is normal for kids her age. Make sure she didn't feel pressured and that she knows she doesn't ever have to go along with anything she isn't comfortable with.

A worry I have about these things are that kids film everything these days and I've heard that especially happens at teenage discos and just to be careful about that as all kinds of drama can follow from an innocent snog if some bad minded person later decides to make a big deal about it

TherapyBoy

How old is your source for this information, is the other daughter aged 14 too? If so, keep in mind someone could be telling stories

kerryjack

As a parent I had to go along to one of these one night and was a bit shocked TBH of the carry on. I am over 50 and didn't have these disco's at 14 but wish I did, So to answer your question yes there are all kissing and shifting or what ever you call it and we have certainly moved on from the lads on one side and the girls on the other side shyness as gone out the window and no harm I would say.

It wasnt me123

I did this 40 years ago at school discos and I was no way promiscuous. It’s normal teenage behaviour - have a discussion but I would say something like you saw something on FB about teenagers and this was happening and is this what is happening everywhere? Or on talkback radio when you were in the car. Make the conversation about a random teenager and try and introduce a conversation. See if she says she did it and then just make sure she was safe and not being coerced into something she didn’t want. Get her to chat about it and how she felt etc. Try not to panic, but its not easy (been there as a mum to a daughter)

Jenniesoul

Yes I thought that too but my daughter in fairness eventually admitted yes she did.

Jenniesoul

Thanks all but is there a golden rule of limitations for the poor lads who have a big snog and walk away? Where is the line drawn? like there has to be stuff stirring with both parties of course but I'm afraid of this ...if she's snogging several lads at 14 what happens at 16??

Jenniesoul

Yes I agree

Big Bag of Chips

This was going on at discos when I was 14, 30 years ago. I had cousins in Dublin who kissed multiple fellas at the same disco. In the country we tended to stick to 1!

My cousins weren't necessarily doing anything "more" by 16 (maybe slightly more, but not having sex, which I assume is what you are talking about) They tended to have boyfriends by 16 and weren't interested in kissing multiple fellas at discos. They are now all settled down in committed marriages where they'd be appalled if their children did the same things they were doing at that age!

It's normal. Especially in cities/towns. Just keep talking to her about respect for herself, her body, respect for the fellas she is with etc

livingdgx

We were doing this at 10/11 and that was like 10 years ago lol

it’s fine, kissing a lot of boys doesn’t automatically mean she’s going to be a slut, she might be labelled one though.. also watch out for mono 😂

Generally it’s seen as a cool thing

“how many meets did you get” 😂😂🤦🏼‍♀️

source: I’m not even old but I can’t believe the bravery of doing this in the age of Instagram and tik tok, so glad I had a Nokia blockia with a blurry camera