Is it too much to ask bridesmaids to buy their own outfits?

atlastree

I recently got engaged and I never considered before the politics of choosing your bridesmaid. I have a small circle of very close friends who mean the absolute world to me. I also have a sister who has demanded the role of maid of honor so that's not my decision apparently. Anyway... I don't want 4 bridesmaids because we're having a very non tradish wedding and our budget is small so I don't want to pay for that many dresses when mine will like around 100 euro. Is it too much to ask bridesmaids to buy their own nontraditional dresses? Or has anyone got an ingenious work around for my predicament?

I was thinking of just asking my cousin to be my bridesperson to cut out the drama but I really would love to have my best friends involved.

lenan

If things are tight financially just have your sister as bridesmaid and buy her dress. Or you could try and source secondhand dresses.

I think if you ask your bridesmaids to buy their own dresses they will say yes, even if they're not happy about it. They most definitely will talk about it to other.

I hope you enjoy your special day.

Loveinapril

If you don't care what your friends wear, then ask them to be bridesmaids but if you have any expectations over how they look, you have to pay for it.

Have a look at hiring dresses. I saw a lady at Punchestown Races best dressed lady, who hired her dress from a shop in Galway, I think, for €60.

Remember, it’s your day. Your choice. Good Luck 🥂

sam t smith

Let them wear what they want. Problem solved.

ThreeGreens

Just choose one bride's maid and let her wear whatever she wants.

Then your fiancé also has just one best man to dress. If you have 4 or 5 bride's maids then he also has 4 or 5 groomsmen to worry about. So you aren't just talking about 4 or 5 dresses, but also 4 or 5 suits.

Best plan is 1 bride's maid and one best man and let them wear their own clothes (as they don't have to match anyone else then).

Faith

A general rule of thumb is you have to pay for anything you expect from your bridal party. So you generally pay for outfits because you’re telling them what to wear. As has been said, if you are happy for them to wear whatever they like, then maybe you don’t have to pay.

But think bigger picture too - will you be expecting them to have hair and makeup professionally done with you? Then you need to pay for it. Expecting them to stay at the venue with you? Then you should pay for that. Bridal parties get expensive very quickly! If you’re trying to cut costs, you’re better off having one or zero bridesmaids or groomsmen.

bertiebomber

adverts.ie loads of bridal stuff including bridesmaids dresses & very cheap 508 dresses on there at the moment

atlastree

Thanks so much for your advice everyone!

Myself and the wife were in the same position.

Ended up not having groomsmen or bridesmaids.

We did our wedding very cheap though, 30 guests, all done by 5pm, civil register etc.

Didn't give a toss then what anyone thought and still don't. Wife loved it too as we'd been guests at a few Irish weddings and they horrified her (the waste and expense).

I think we did the lot for about 2.5k or less.

For us it was a formality, we wanted a few folks there to celebrate with us, but we weren't putting ourselves into debt for a party. F that shlte

toyotatommy

Covid is over, we are in a building boom. We need to think big, the 250-300 numbers are back. Gone are the one day wedding also it’s three day celebrations.

mrslancaster

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119043678#Comment_119043678

Huge 3 day weddings like that are one of the reasons people don't have deposits to buy a place to live. @[Deleted User] has the right idea..

HildaOgdenx

You could involve the friends in other ways, e.g parts in the ceremony.

If you are trying to keep costs down, as pp said, remember all the extra bits apart from dresses. And yes, it's the norm that bridesmaids don't pay for their dresses.

Baybay

Weddings can be an over the top mess with flights of fancy that wouldn’t be entertained by rational human beings for any other life event. Yes, it’s a marvellous thing to be part of but there should be limits.

A friend is to be a bridesmaid in June. She lives abroad so there’s flight costs, hotels & car hire involved. Her dress has been bought for her but alterations (it’s way too long) & shoes are at her own expense which was her decision as she felt it was cheaper to do the alterations than fly home for the dress fitting. And the bride is happy for the shoes to be any style once they’re a certain colour so she just felt more comfortable buying something she’d buy for herself anyway. Hair & make up will be paid for. She’s already flown elsewhere for the hen. That’s all fine but what would irk me is the week needed for the wedding though the girl getting married is as far from à bridezilla as it’s possible to be. There’s a dinner for the wedding party & associated in-laws a couple of days before the wedding itself. There’s a pamper day for the bridal party the day before the wedding, which sounds lovely I must say. Then there’s the wedding day itself & an informal bbq garden party thingy the day after which was organised in case Covid meant numbers were limited for the big day itself. It all sounds very reasonable but expensive in both time & money. But they’re great friends & so my friend is happy to be part of it. I know the average guest isn’t going to everything associated with the wedding but they’re still expensive occasions for everyone involved.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119046723#Comment_119046723

Yeah, can get real silly, real fast.

I had a family member spend 3 years planning, saving and preparing the most extravagant wedding they could get away with. Spent silly money on it.

I recall her spending weeks on bits and trinkets for the tables that were put out by other family members before the guests sat down. she remarked after that she didn't even notice if they had been put out. Silly stuff like little plastic crystals in the same colour as the dresses, match boxes with the date, and little baggies of sweets that they had spent days putting together.

Johnrazz

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119043678#Comment_119043678

Depends on the day of the wedding! Can be a 4 day session. If the wedding is on a Friday, there’s usually a meet up Thursday evening for a few, then Friday then the after party Saturday and the cure Sunday!

expensive weekend the Friday weddings!

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119043678#Comment_119043678

I actually think that Covid has reset things in the wedding industry and a lot more people are seeing that they don't have to invite everyone they've ever met plus their grannies to the wedding anymore if they don't want to. Smaller weddings became the accepted during that time and being able to have 100 was a luxury - I think a lot of people will be using that mentality.

OP - general rule of thumb is that you pay for the bridesmaids stuff over here. I know shows like the US versions of Say Yes to the Dress show the bridesmaids paying for their own but that really is a US thing. If you don't want a huge bridal party then don't have one. And also don't feel you have to have your sister as your maid of honour if you don't want. It is your wedding, not hers. But that said, if it helps ease out any potential tensions within the friend group then go for it!