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44 Next Birthday -I am bored with my Life

  • 21-04-2022 2:38pm
    Registered Users Posts: 7 GeorgeStobart2022

    Before I start just want to put it out there that I am not suicidal in any way

    I would like to start with the positives

    1. I have quite a good job earning good money
    2. I look quite young for my age

    I just felt the need to come on here today to hopefully get some insight or advice , I am living quite a lonely boring life . I moved to the town I'm in 14 years ago and I have no friends here . That is partially my own fault because I am quite a introverted person and like my own company sometimes , however I sometimes wish my life was more eventful . On my days off all I really do is watch TV play my PS5 , go to the gym or for a walk and I am just bored to hell with it. I have noticed this has led to a pretty unhealthy drink habit as I tend drink almost every day I'm off now. I just feel there is no purpose to my life , I suppose for most men my age their purpose is a wife and kids but I am 44 my next birthday and I have never had any any real meaningful relationship. I am not sure why its never happened for me TBH but I remember in college I was so unbelievably shy , there were girls showing definite signs of interest but I was just too afraid to do anything about it . Today its not like I am getting turned down left right and centre its that I just don't bother trying to put myself out there . I am quite over weight with low self esteem so that's why I don't bother . Anyway I don't even know if I want a long-term partner or kids but I would like to have the confidence in myself to put myself out there , the only place I tend to meet women is at work and every once in a while when one is nice to me I tend to over invest and develop crushes quite quick and easily . Anyway I am not sure exactly what I am hoping to get here , I would just like to overhaul my life and have more things going on etc



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    My advice would be to start some self-care. I know that term gets eye rolls since all the 'wellness' talk that got bandied around during lockdown, but give it a chance.

    If you could even start by committing to one act of self-care each day, you could build it from there.

    It can be absolutely anything that you know is good for you. If you're feeling stuck, it can be anything that will un-stick you. Try a new hobby or a class, a meet-up, whatever. Go somewhere new, break your routine in any way shape or form. Book a haircut or dentist appointment or massage or something.

    If you can build up practices like that over time, then you'll get to a stage where TV/games are also a form of self care, because they'll be a break from all the other stuff you're up to, rather than a time-sink that your evenings are drowning in.

  • Registered Users Posts: 360 ✭✭Xidu

    do some charity work if u have money n time n feeling lonely n bored

  • Registered Users Posts: 791 ✭✭✭CreadanLady

    Realistically, you are too old to be considering having kids.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,212 ✭✭✭NSAman

    Get a dog.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,509 ✭✭✭SuperBowserWorld

    Regardless of age, getting "married" and having kids is probably not going to solve your problems.

    Take advantage of your freedom and do something exciting and "scary," for you. Can you take time off work and travel, work abroad ... ??


    Shake it up, your world will change around you.

    You are not old or unhealthy physically.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,582 ✭✭✭✭Geuze

    (1) cut back on drink, max should be equivalent of 8-10 pints per week

    (2) lose weight

    There's a starting point.

  • Registered Users Posts: 791 ✭✭✭CreadanLady

    Maybe not biological issues, but certainly social and life stage issues.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 129 ✭✭AySeeDoubleYeh

    Start exercising. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's vitally important for the way you perceive yourself, as much as for your weight. If you're self-conscious about exercise, then do it at night when nobody will see you. Put on a podcast/playlist you like, and get out for a long walk.

    You'll lose weight, and you'll feel better about yourself because you will have done something. Added bonus is that you'll end up drinking less if you're regularly our walking instead, which in turn leads to further weight loss, which then leads to you feeling ever better about yourself. Easy, simple and actionable steps that you can take today, that will make a meaningful difference.

    Do this first, and then worry about making connections. You need to start caring for yourself before you can expect others to.

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,039 ✭✭✭✭Strumms

    Start exercising ? They are in a gym !

    if you enjoy sports join a team

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,242 ✭✭✭thefallingman

    you can wait for something to happen or make it happen, the choice is yours

  • Registered Users Posts: 791 ✭✭✭CreadanLady

    The weight and fitness issue would have to be overcome first before he could realistically be taken on in a competitive team.

    At 44 too, the options are very limited for playing team sports. Most competitive players are long retired by that age. Starting out at 44 would be unlikely to work out at all, if he is even accepted. Most sports are focused around young people and on training them up in the game as teenagers, not middle age.

    The MFV Creadan Lady is a mussel dredger from Dunmore East.

  • Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus

    There are plenty of sports that still do aul fellas training all of the time. A few weeks back I saw a competitive soccer match taking place in Marlay Park and some of those lads were north of 40, or at least looked it! Plenty of bellies and wrinkles going on.

    Even without teams, you can still have a social aspect - cycling, golf, running. Cliches, definitely, but if you don't like them, there's rowing or tennis, whatever. When it comes to sport, people tend to write themselves off, it's not that the opportunities aren't available.

    At his age, free time is his greatest asset. He can turn up to training and competitions when everyone around him can only make a few. Not only is this key to improving his fitness, but will make him a top choice of player for his reliability.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,099 ✭✭✭FintanMcluskey

    IMO men should wait until their 40s to have children.

    Kids are essentially the end of the lives of the parents and the beginning of the life of the child.

    Live 1st, then have your children.

    Plus, older parents have more life experience and are generally less bitter

  • Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭RojaStar

    Unhelpful and untrue.

    OP - it sounds like you need to come up with a plan. Start small and work up to bigger things. You can have purpose in your life without a relationship or kids. You need to tackle the self esteem and alcohol issues first, currently this is a vicious cycle as you're probably using alcohol to numb feelings whether you're aware of that or not. Where there's an unhealthy relationship with alcohol there's an acronym for why we generally drink - HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. The idea being that when you want to drink, you "halt" and identify which one(s) it is. If you could think of one action to counteract each one of these things, and do them regularly that would be a great start.

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,039 ✭✭✭✭Strumms

    There are loads of football teams, tennis clubs etc that have provisions for those in the OPs category.. this and many contributions of yours in this thread are very wide of the mark and inaccurate.

  • Posts: 0 Katelyn Late Rust

    i'm 50 and unmarried OP. if you're not into the likes of rugby worshipn (there is an entertaining thread here between fans and the less endeared folk) or the likes of it in any sport , then why not consider a club like model trains, building airfix models (IMSS) , gaming (you'd be surprised what age groups you'd see in forbitdden plant along the quay in dublin city centre)

    lay off the gargle.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx

    While becoming a father in one's forties can work out find, I don't agree that it's better than doing so fifteen years earlier

  • Registered Users Posts: 70 ✭✭RojaStar

    Really great advice there 👆. All the talk of kids, relationships and team sports are a bit premature at this stage I would say.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,068 ✭✭✭Living Off The Splash

    Grow your own vegetables, go foraging for mushrooms (in a group), go fishing, hill walking, visit archaeology sites. Travel.....plan the big trip, maybe go on a group excursion.

    There are a huge number of Facebook pages out there dedicated to all kinds of activities. You will meet all types of helpful and knowledgeable people.

  • Registered Users Posts: 372 ✭✭john123470

    ^^ this.

    No need join a gym. Get a decent bicycle. Lots of phone Apps to tell you distance covered eg. to make it less boring etc. If your interest flags

    Increase distance covered each week

    You will build stamina, strength, coordination .. breathing will improve, more oxygen in your bloodstream - your level of cheerfulness will rise, weight will drop off

    That will do for starters ..

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,386 ✭✭✭olestoepoke

    "At 44 too, the options are very limited for playing team sports. Most competitive players are long retired by that age. Starting out at 44 would be unlikely to work out at all, if he is even accepted. Most sports are focused around young people and on training them up in the game as teenagers, not middle age"

    The ignorance in this post is astounding. You really don't have a clue what you're talking about.

    It always amazes me how people get away with ageism and yet if they put a person down for their gender or colour of their skin they'd be banned. I had children in my 40s and I played soccer all through my early 40s, and still play astro park every weekend (touching 50 now) with another 16 or 18 guys all in their 40s and some are in their 50s, and many of them never played football before their 40s, shock horror. We are all different and you have no right to put anyone in a box because of their age, it's small minded and bigoted.

    As for the OP, find out what interests you, doesn't have to be a physical sport if that's not what you are into, for example I love playing Chess. I plan to join my local Chess club soon, just haven't got around to it yet. Or as one poster said, volunteer for a tidy's town or charity. I know you said you are an introvert but humans are social creatures and even if it's one evening a week you will feel better if you are interacting with others.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,172 ✭✭✭✭SteelyDanJalapeno

    Have you got any pets OP?

    A few dogs or cats might help if you're lonely