Gambling GF left me

Brenno198435

unkel

You've owned up about your problem, you're taking responsibility for getting clean and by the looks of it you are doing pretty much everything possible to make that happen.

I'd say you have a chance. I certainly feel you deserve a second chance. Very best of luck although that is perhaps not the word I should have picked!

Seth Brundle

Well done on admittjng ypur addiction and good lucknwith your recovery.

Have you accumulated a large debt or spent some savings that was earmarked for your future together as I feel there is a large part of the story omitted?

Brenno198435

No I’ll be personally death free by July but yes I’ve no savings but I don’t owe diff people money just a bank and her , I understand I manipulated situations to fund my addiction i don’t deny and accept that but always made sure rent bills paid on time

Seth Brundle

Ok. I still am not sure what you mean. Did you blow your savings and if so was it a significant sum? Do you owe the bank much (despite you saying that you'll be debt free by July) and is she included in your July repayment plan.

Her suddenly leaving when hearing of your addiction seems odd but would be explained if you had blown a huge amount of money on your habit.

Brenno198435

No I’ve never really had savings I’ve always just spent what I earned and last year or so more with increased gambling

yes banks and her clear by July im lucky I’ve decent job and if not gambling I can turn my life around quickly

she left cause of the shock deceit and fact not many willing to trust a gambler as a financially stable future In fairness

I just feel surely deserve one chance

How much is owed is irrelevant, just that the OP can be debt free by July.

I think you will need to give her time. Ask her for time, not that you expect a relationship right now, but that she's open to it in time. There is no set formula to achieve your desire for her return. You need to put yourself in a place where it's a possibility.

You realise you've massively damaged her trust, and that she feels she doesn't know you. That's a big realisation to overcome.

You seem to be doing the right things.

With hard work you have a possibility to get her back.

Caranica

It's one thing to have a gambling problem, admitting to that and seeking help would seem to justify giving you a second chance. The fact that you owe her money is probably what negates that. It's one thing to spend a bank's money, another to spend the money of the person you claim to love.

Sorry OP but I think that's what has made her mind up "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". She's not giving you the opportunity and I'm not sure I blame her.

Brenno198435

Well said thanks

Brenno198435

I understand and yes it’s hard to disagree I know I’ve done wrong and can’t just blame the illness but we all make mistakes and I’m doing what can to show meaningful change

Jequ0n

She found out on Friday and moved out this quickly?

”how or can you make her see it’s a illness I’ve admitted to and I am seeking professional help ? I want to quit and I understand I’ve broke her trust and I manipulated her with regards money and never came clean on my gambling issue because of guilt fear of loosing her ,but one thing we never had a row or issues up to Friday, it was true love. Shouldn’t love give you one chance to show you’ve leaned and can manage this illness? I’d like to think I’d do same if was other way around and i don’t say that selfishly “

If she moved out that quickly she had an idea and realised she needed space to avoid this type of debate. She will expect you bring up arguments such as the ones you outline, so don’t try to make it her fault because it will backfire. Your victim role is totally working against you here.

NiceFella

Hi OP,

Admitting you have a problem is the first and biggest step to recovery so fair play to you on that. You are calling yourself to account and that's hugely positive, weather you are ever with this girl again or not. That's something no one can take away from you.

And as you say, if this girl is madly in love with you, she would be mad not to take you back if you change your ways.

You are obviously close to the age of wanting kids so I totally understand her position on this. I'd also say, as perhaps she is probably the primary reason why you want to quit, don't forget to quit for yourself too. Take care.

Caranica

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118826601#Comment_118826601

Treatment isn't a cure. It's great that you're dealing with it now and I hope you can stick to your programme forever. Unfortunately, the risk of a relapse will be a huge shadow hanging over any relationship. Not everyone can deal with that.

Brenno198435

Gambling doesn’t have a cure I’m well aware but you can gain thr tools to manage it and live with it

it’s a shame it carry’s such stigma as an illness , I think that is partly why people struggle to admit issue in first place

Hannibal_Smith

It's only early days. Continue with your plans to go to rehab. Don't look on it as doing it to get your girlfriend back but instead to help yourself deal with the addiction.

I don't see it as it having a stigma maybe it does, but it's an incredibly risky addiction where people have lost everything.

You have a plan to deal with it, which is terrific so follow it through. The very best of luck with it.

89897

OP the best thing you can do for yourself and your road to recovery is focus solely on yourself and your recovery, trying to prove yourself and rebuild a relationship on top of that would be very difficult and quite honestly a distraction.

Ive been in your ex-girlfriends shoes and to be perfectly honest, i would never go back there as ive been burned and shes likely feeling the same. However there is a massive happy and fulfilling life to be had once you start the process and are living with dealing with the addiction and someone will come along who can live with that and it will work out. But it wont until you're 100% honest with yourself.

Hannibal_Smith

As the OP has deleted their initial post, I'll close the thread there.