Am I being unreasonable?

SnrInfant

Hi Guys,

my almost 10 year old boy has become very close with another boy in his class. They’ve both had play dates in each other’s houses and all has been good.

ive met the boys mum and she seem very nice, English is not their first language so there is a bit of a language barrier but not too bad.

my worry is, the mum keeps pushing for them to have a sleepover in her house, she’s brought it up numerous times and I’ve always said we (my husband and I), think our son is too young.

she’s being relentless about it, asking my son in front of me, who of course is delighted with the idea!

My worry is, I am so distrusting of anyone when it comes to my children, and while I know them to speak to a few times, I don’t KNOW them! I’ve only ever politely nodded to the Dad.

my parents are saying absolutely no way should I let him, he’s too young, no need for sleepovers when they’re 5 minutes apart.

i have a 12 year old son too and he’s never had a friend sleepover either (they’ve both stayed with grandparents). He’s never looked for one and his best friend is local, I went to school with his mum and I know her really well. We’ve never even given sleepover a thought (me and other son’s friends’ mum)

im just wondering what age you let your children have sleepovers and if you were anxious?

NiceFella

I'm not a parent but I did have sleep overs round 10 or 11 when I was younger but only during the summer holidays. However I would find it a bit weird if another parent pushed it more than a few times.

baldbear

I don't think you are been unreasonable. You said you don't know the dad? Have you had any sort of conversation with him?

Could you arrange for the other boy and his mam and dad to call over for playdates/pizza/glass of wine so you could get to know them better.

It's so hard when it comes to your kids and trusting them with people especially those who aren't family.

Good luck.

Former Former Former

No, you're not being unreasonable. For a child that young, I would want to know the parents very well.

Bringing it up in front of your kid is out of order too.

Princess Calla

I think as kids we had them in 6th class so about age 12....but it was usually a birthday slumber party so around 10 other kids.

For a single child sleepover I'd need to know the parents really well.

Tbh I'm on the fence about them. As a child I enjoyed them. However as a parent it's certainly not something I'd be pushing/encouraging. Even in the role as host.

I certainly wouldn't appreciate a pushy parent saying it Infront of my child.

I think the majority of people would get the hint the second time an invitation is declined. I think you'll just have to be firm and say thanks but no thanks.

Pawwed Rig

It is your call. If you are not comfortable with it then you shouldn't feel pressured. I would be annoyed that they mentioned it in front of your son but there may be a cultural aspect at play here so probably not worth making a big deal about it.

Could you get them to wait until summer and then do a camp out in your garden for both of them? I have done that with my 2 at 5 and 7 and they both loved it.

BBQ in the garden, camp fire, put kids to sleep and the Dads can have a few beers together and sleep in the same/different tent

babyducklings1

No, just do play dates. You shouldn’t feel pressured into it, unless you know the other parents really well and feel very comfortable with the idea then why would you. You can do good play dates, order in a pizza or other food, as a treat. Sleepovers are a relatively new thing . It’s your child at the end of the day and you know best. Don’t be pressured by other people.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118699983#Comment_118699983

Depends on your definition of "relatively new" but they've been happening for decades. They were definitely happening in the 80's/90's

SnrInfant

Thanks for the replies everyone, you’ve put my mind at ease!

i definitely don’t like being pushed into something when I keep saying no! She’s said it twice in front of my boy and I feel bad trying to explain to him why I feel he’s too young 😫

Big Bag of Chips

We agreed amongst ourselves that there’d be no sleeping in someone’s house until secondary school. We live in a small rural area and all know each other very well but didn’t want to get into the habit of the children asking every Friday if they can stay in someone’s house etc.

We all knew where we stood and the children never asked. The mother is probably just delighted that her son has a friend. I wouldn’t imagine anything bad is going to happen if he stays in their house. Just explain to the mother that you’ve agreed no sleepovers until secondary school. She’ll stop asking.

AyeGer

Go with your gut. And it seems your gut instinct on this one is strong.

Whatever age you decide about the sleepover is up to yourself, you know your child best. Some kids love them, my daughter tried them once or twice, but I always ended up having to go pick her up when it came time to actually go to sleep (and that was from my very best friend's house!)

However, I would pull the mother aside quietly and politely ask (i.e. tell her) not to bring sleepovers up in front of your son again. You don't have to give her a reason why, but if she asks you can say you and your child's Dad have discussed it, and decided that there will be no sleepovers until secondary at the earliest.

Her putting you on the spot like that in front of your son, is out of order.

Pawwed Rig

We are trying to organise a sleep over with our Beaver group in the next few months. All are 6-8. It will be interesting to see how it turns out from a kid AND parents perspective.

Big Bag of Chips

I had no problem with my lads doing beavers sleep overs. Purely for the fact it was at most once a year and I didn't have to return the favour!

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118702339#Comment_118702339

Good point 🤣🤣

I suppose you have the comfort that everyone is Garda vetted aswell