Driving Anxiety - Help..

kiwizizi

Any tips on getting over driving anxiety? Here's my story:

Had 1 driving instructor for 4 months, got nowhere, he wouldn't let me out of an industrial estate or housing estate. Lockdown 1 happened. Got new instructor. Two more lockdowns happened. Managed to pass 2nd time in Nov 21. It took me longer because every time I got in the car I was a shaking wreck. Passing my test was my biggest achievement ever. I drove myself to work fine, no issues and very few nerves. I was comfortable and happy. I just moved to somewhere more rural and have driven my car 5 days to my new job and have had unreal anxiety.

On a night - I have a pit in my stomach.

On a morning - I wake up super early, feeling sick with stomach issues and cannot eat.

In my spare time, I then sit on driving forums reading about how to park, pull out, etc. My big thing this week was I was panicking about how to get into a space I reversed into - ridiculous as I know it's very easy.

Anyway - this morning I nearly had an accident. I pulled onto an N road when there was a huge truck coming but it looked far enough away. I didn't get up enough speed and when I looked in back mirror this truck was at my bumper, flashing me. I panicked, went onto hard shoulder and let him past, ran out of hard shoulder and had to squeeze back on. I had a panic attack after and am still shaky now. I feel stupid, especially with my N plates, looking like an idiot.

My partner is going to come with me tomorrow and be my passenger and drive back because I feel I cannot drive alone. It's awful and now I feel terrible that I'm taking his time...

This cannot last forever.. How long til I can drive in peace and enjoy it...?!

Have you guys had driving anxiety? How long did it last after you passed your test? Please help, I'm at my wits end :(

fizzypish

Hi OP,

You passed your test. Congrats! You have all the basic skill to drive and these were tested in a stressful environment. I've been driving for years and recently passed my motor bike test. It was stills stressful. So just remember that. You passed. Your good enough to be on the road.

First off, if your incredibly anxious, go talk to someone. Don't let it drag you down. Driving is a necessary skill in this country. You'll be doing it for the rest of your life. Your goal is to be relaxed behind the wheel.

Regarding your truck story, you'll get better at judging speed of other vehicles over time. Err on the side of caution for the first while. If the same thing happens again just remember: You pay road tax, you pay for your car, your have a license like everyone else. Thats your patch of road. You do not move to accommodate anyone else without good reason. You do not drive into the hard shoulder unless its an emergency. **** that truck. Let him/her flash their light. Thats your patch of road. Own it. Yes you may have made a mistake pulling out but don't make more mistakes after. Learn and do better next time.

Plan your routes. Know where your going. What roads to take? Where you expect traffic to be busy? Where can you park that won't be very busy? Google maps the route before hand. If your driving in the city, know what lanes to take. Motorways, what are my exits. Plan it out. To this day if I'm driving somewhere new and I take a wrong turn in busy traffic, I'll just keep going until I have a chance to pull in a re adjust my plan. I hate last minute lane changing...

Time. Never be in a rush. If the trip takes 20 min, you give yourself 30 min. So you sit in the car for an extra 10 min. Better than than having a freak out in the car.

Practice. What are you bad at. For example parking. Parallel and reverse would be most likely. Think of a place (big car park), get up at 8am Sunday morning. Grab your partner or someone you know is a decent driver and go practice for 20 min. Go on youtube for tips. A few cues could revolutionize your parking. Practice for a few weeks with 0 stress (if your stressed in an empty car part then you really should talk to someone!). Then when you encounter a moderately busy opportunity to park, try it. If you mess up, no big deal. Keep practicing.

Dial Hard

Firstly, I wouldn't necessarily recommend you take the advice above in relation to the truck incident. I get that it was well-meant but the fact is that when you're joining or merging onto a road, unless you have right of way that road most certainly isn't "your patch of road", the onus is on you to do so safely and the traffic already on that road has absolutely no obligation to give way to you. Also, bear in mind that trucks and HGVs are nowhere near as manoeuvrable as cars and can't brake hard or react as quickly as other vehicles.

Secondly, I think the best thing you could do is go back and do some more lessons. Passing your test isn't the be all and end all; if you're still not confident and are lacking in driving skill, then clearly the best way to remedy that is by continuing to learn from a professional. Perhaps look for an advanced driving instructor, they understand these kinds of issues and won't be solely focused on preparing you for the test the way some of the more traditional driving schools are.

Best of luck.

Purgative

OP there's some good points in both the replies above.

Building up on the quiet easy practice is good. Extra lessons is good. A few years back I took a trailer course - nice helpful guy and 120 squids well spent.

Tell me OP, do you only ever drive to and from work? Do you ever just go out for its own sake. Maybe at a quiet time just drive round your locale just for no great purpose, or maybe on a Sunday driving to the nearest Tesco for some Mango ice cream.

Driving is a lot of things nut it can also be fun and give you a huge freedom.

kiwizizi

Thank you already for the lovely advice and comments too. Already reading them I've burst into tears and feel a bit better. I have 25 mins till I have to drive home again.

I know my issue this morning was I didn't take my time. I rushed onto that N road because I felt I was holding up those behind me and in doing so, I could have been hurt or hurt someone else.

I don't ever just drive. I only drive to and from work and avoid it in all other possibilities. When I passed, I drove quite a bit in England in the city where I was living but since I moved back to Ireland, I dread it.

I would love to be able to just get in and go for a quiet drive and feel happy and free and pick up my favourite goodies.. Maybe I need to just do it and stop trying to plan every route and worry about parking and avoid anything I don't know.

Goodigal

There you go OP, you've admitted you don't drive except for work. You need practice, you need to head out for a spin, you need to enjoy being in your car. You've passed your test, you have the competency, you just need the confidence. Don't overthink every road and junction, just make it more natural for yourself. Offer to give people a lift and put more hours in on the road.

As mentioned above, you need to be a decent speed to join a motorway, so get comfortable doing that and don't care about who might be queuing behind you - just make safe choices that don't put yourself or any other road users at risk.

You can do this - make it a nice experience because there's nothing better than heading out for a spin and ending up somewhere nice! Even if you have to park a mile from where you wanted to stop for chips, just do it! Good luck!

A cup of te

I'd agree about going out for a drive for the sake of it at a quiet time (maybe later in the night). I am not an anxious driver but I bloody hate when it's busy and being stuck in traffic. I think a bit of practice driving around after 8pm or so could be a good idea. Much calmer to drive at that time and your confidence would grow with the practice.

Jequ0n

Are you less nervous when you have someone else in the car with you? Instructor or partner? Does the panic happen with other things too, or is it just driving?

Tbh if driving makes you THIS nervous you shouldn’t be on the road by yourself for now, even if you passed your driving test.

Irish_wolf

Hi OP. First off dont worry. Nobody is born an F1 driver. You will get there but definitely do not let your partner drive you home! This will only reinforce your unnecessary negative feelings. If you need them to be support while you drive or be a second pair of eyes on the road that's fine, as others have said you are capable of driving a car you just need to get used to it. I'm driving nearly ten years but still request my front seat passenger keep an eye on the road for long journeys.

Practice, practice, practice. Right now there's still lots going on, you have to control pedals and levers while also checking your blind spots, speed, and surroundings. All of these improve with time to the point that people eventually dont even think about shifting gears, they have already done so on instinct. Once you have the mechanical side down to muscle memory the rest of the stuff like observations and taking off will become much easier but you have to keep practising.

witchgirl26

OP I can fully relate. When I learnt to drive & after I passed my test, I could be so nervous driving that I would be a sweaty mess with a raging headache by the time I arrived anywhere!

On the feeling that you're holding others up - feck them. Sometimes there's traffic & you can't help that. Take your time & go when you feel comfortable to go. As for the actual manoeuvres - I remember my sister saying to me before that once you decide to do a manoeuvre you have to fully commit to it. If you're hesitant to move out, it can cause you more problems than if you just commit to that and go.

I know there's probably a lot going on in your head still while driving and remembering everything. It does start to come as second nature after a while but like others here have said, practice is key. Get out driving at the weekend. Even if it isn't necessarily to go somewhere but just to actually go for a drive. Get out at times where there isn't as much commuting traffic so that you get a bit of the confidence up without the pressure. If you need to go anywhere with your partner - you do the driving instead of them for a while. It all helps.

I've gone from being a nervous nelly (Took me 4 attempts to pass my test because I was making stupid mistakes down to being nervous which even the instructors on the 3 fails mentioned) to driving regularly to Belfast for work & loving it! And driving in America fully confident! You will get there but it can take time.

Oh & the idea of working out the route on Google maps if you're going somewhere unfamiliar is great! I still do that as I can get nervous going places I don't know. It helps as when you're coming up to things, they're somewhat familiar then so you can focus on the other aspects.

Tork

Driving is a confidence thing. A few years ago I was involved in a car accident which thankfully was more harmful to the vehicles than to the humans. I'm an experienced driver but the accident knocked my confidence for a while. I definitely became a worse driver for a while afterwards because I was a bit jumpy and nervous. I knew that if I avoided driving or tried to get my OH to do it instead, the problem would get worse. I made it my business to keep driving and the problem went away. If something bad happens to you, like falling off a bike or crashing a car, it's human nature to start overthinking it. The overthinking turns the relatively minor problem into a dinosaur sized monster in your brain. You're getting to that point with your driving, so for your own sake nip it in the bud now. I have an aunt who refuses to drive any further than the local village and only visits larger towns when somebody else brings her. Is that what you want for yourself?

I agree with the other who have advised you to drive more often. You're still a very inexperienced driver by the sounds of things and passing a test is only the beginning of your driving experience. I'm not up to speed with what modern day driving lessons and tests entail, but they were far from comprehensive when I was learning. You'll still find yourself encountering new scenarios when you're driving and it's up to you to deal with them as they happen. Learning not to care about what other drivers behind you think (within reason, obviously) and calculating when it's safe to drive onto another road are skills that come with experience. When you are a reluctant driver, it takes little to drive you off the road and that's something to be mindful of here. I still make the odd driving mistake but I'm philosophical about it. My car is still OK, I'm OK and I've just been given a reminder of something to be careful of going forward. I don't let these things bother me.

kiwizizi

Hi all,

I just want to send a HUGE thank you to everyone for all of their advice, kind words, and personal experiences. It's good to know I am not alone and probably never will be alone.

Since I last posted, I got in the car with my bf and drove a different way home from work. It was a TERRIBLE trip. I swerved a corner so fast we nearly flew into the other side of the road and I cried all the way home. I fortunately had the weekend to recover and practice with my car a bit. Sunday, I took a screenshot of google maps of the parking bays and worked out which one to go into for a smoother Monday morning came and I had the worst night sleep, up so early, left so early. And my drive was smooth... I had a literal empty road. Took me 3 times to park and going home was so easy...

Since, I've driven in Storm Dudley, managed to overtake farm vehicles on an N road - all stuff that I would have never done before.

My only qualm now is driving in Storm Eunice but I'm all good :) THANK YOU!

Tork

Are you open to taking unnecessary journeys to build up your driving experience? I'm pleased to see that you've continued to drive but it's obvious that you are still very inexperienced. I don't mean this in a bad way but when you're talking about overtaking farm vehicles as something of a novelty, you need to do more driving.

kiwizizi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118646883#Comment_118646883

I come from a city, where I drove unnecessary journeys, etc but with no farm traffic at all so I'm very inexperienced with them. I'm open to taking these journeys and have been this week, just the practice I got prior to me returning to Ireland was built up, inner-city roads with no farm vehicles, potholes, etc haha. That's what floored me. Grew up in Mayo but left for a while and had never driven here until end of january!

fits

Yep you need practice and when you are not under pressure to get to work etc.

I was in Dublin for first time in months recently. I chose to go after rush hour on a Friday to ease myself into it rather than tackling weekday rush hour when out of the habit. The more driving you do the easier it gets.

HerrKapitan

Keep driving by yourself on Sunday mornings, or late weekdays when traffic is quiet.

You already have the skills as you passed your test, and your anxieties and sense of self-preservation will help you continue to be a safe driver. If you are anxious, you are aware which is safer than those who don't care and are comfortable with their heads in their phones.

Don't worry about people driving behind, and rush yourself on their behalf. They are not your friends.

Big Bag of Chips

kiwizizi, it’s all about practice. You’ll never get good and competent if you don’t practice. My friend passed her test in the UK. Had only ever been out in the car with her driving instructor. She rang me one day half laughing half mortified that she had drove to her local town, parked in a car park but parked so close to the other car she couldn’t get out the drivers door and had to climb across to the passenger side to get out. After a bit more practice she’s well able to park now 😉

You need to practice, and you also need to be confident enough to sit and wait until there’s a suitable break in traffic before pulling out onto the road without worrying about the car behind you. I live in a rural area. I have spent over 5 minutes sitting waiting to pull out due to constant flow of traffic on the main road in the mornings.

Drive somewhere. Anywhere. Go for a spin just for the sake of going for a spin. Ask your bf to go with you to be an extra pair of eyes. It’s so helpful even for experienced drivers. I understand the anxiety. I’ve been driving for over 20 years. I learned and passed my test pretty quickly. But I can tell you it took me about a year after passing my test for me to not get that nervous feeling in my stomach every time I turned the key in the ignition. It takes time, patience and practice to build up confidence.