First Time I fell in love..

Liberty_Bear

15 year old me could not describe adequately feelings erupting a mixture of heart break awash with jealousy peppered with just a hint of confusion - portents of who I would evolve into years after those very same events younger me went through. At 13 same sex attraction dwelled inside me budding . In my class in school was a lad who became my crush all through secondary school, we'll term him Bob because such generalities will protect the chaps ID. Bob had this lovely head of blonde hair short kept well. Bob was great at everything - picked first for football, excellent Gaelic football player, academic to the point of being the teachers pet and an extremely popular lad with the ladies. Stocky build.

15 year old me got triggered as he went on a double date with a guy and two girls, one of whom he knew fancied him. They arranged to go see the film "The Full Monty" which had been released two weeks before hand. I heard in school and was devastated, this felt like the biggest betrayal ever in existence to a confused 15 year old me, had he cheated on me? It never occurred for one second that we were not in anything more than a friendship. Those feelings lingered for the years we were together in school . Fairly therefore it could be said I was in unrequited love with Bob. A farmers son so wonderful and stirring the hormones tumultuously of 15 year old me.

June 1999 was set to be year I did my final exams (Leaving Certificate but for those from UK A levels or if you are American then SAT's). The Sun carried a headline that Stephen Gately was homosexual - beaten to the scoop Gately in advance of his demise did a tell all to the Sun , not exactly bastions of classiness however he had one over on whoever was going to do a kiss and tell. Debating the issue in Irish class (he had high blood pressure, a highly aggressive but fair Kerry man afflicted with an incomprehensible accent ) , the topic comes up. Bob rounds his mouth off engaging his brain before his mouth "Its not natural" the class is informed. My heart broke further and further. Bob's mind never got wind of my love for him, the dreams of me climbing up the drain pipe of his house to sneak into his window and make love to him as I often thought of as a teenager. Now he thinks this. I voiced my disagreement.

We did our final exams that June and off for some mass we went, the school had a board and one of the non creepy priests but still a criminal at heart was involved. G*** **** (blocked to protect identities) our religion teacher organised the mass where we sang Labbi Siffre "Something Inside so Strong", a song that I despise this day as much as The Animals "House of the Rising Sun. My mam came up to get me to drop me down and it was a struggle. Bob wouldn't exist in my life outside of school. Standing in my room I smashed the wall in with a piece of Bassalt igneous rock someone had given me and my da leathered me. But I didn't get what was happening.

The sun drew dusk in, heavily setting in the sky and we sat all in the local pub in the little village, not exactly the creme de la creme of pubs none the less though it did. Bob had a cider and I had a few pints. Bobs blonde hair and stocky build driving me wild but I did know it would be maybe the last I saw of him in those years. We met twice after - once at a party and a night out where he dint drink but life had moved on for him, he was in college and dating girls as I was working in advance of going to college.

Bob has been blocked from reading this but those of you in the know from school years I've been lucky to be reacquainted with will not need a science degree to know to whom I am referring. Bob made a confused 15 year old fall in love and to this day Bob has no idea whatsoever......

Frostynight

I enjoyed reading this Liberty_Bear!

I had a similar time in school, I get ya! I'd say many of us fell in love with straight boys/girls in school :D

Actually, for my school crush, I spotted him on Grinder a few months ago. I messaged him. It was a picture of him in a couple. I think I got the bf and he didn't like it... ah well. Holy f. he was gay after all lol

dannicxx

Enjoyed this hopefully one day u will get him or someone like him dat will love u for u 💓

dannicxx

Liberty_Bear

He's friends on Facebook. He's not my type anymore but during those formative years he was to me, the best thing ever!