Help! I hated my wedding dress!

AnneG21

So, when I went dress shopping a year before my wedding I found a dress that I thought was lovely, I only went to two shops and although I did initially like the dress I picked I can't say I had any moment like they talk about where you fall in LOVE with the dress. Other brides had told me though that they didn't experience that feeling so I sort of went with it anyway and hoped for the best (this was my first mistake). When I picked my wedding dress up about 3/4 months before the wedding, I had lost any bit of joy I initially had for it. Again I made excuses, I thought at the time that maybe it just wasn't fitting me right in the right places so there was still hope and I turned my attention to other wedding planning activities. Queue the dress alterations 5 weeks before the wedding, I was growing to really hate my dress. In hindsight I should really have trusted my gut at this point and gone searching but my all too casual side of me told me "it'll do, it'll be lovely on the day with hair and make up etc etc". When I went for my final alterations and still hated it I was so so mad at myself for not going shopping again sooner to find a better dress. Worse still, now that the wedding is over I am so upset when I look at the photos because I can't see any redeeming features of how I looked on the day. My dress came back from the cleaners today and all I want to do is burn the thing!!

Has anyone else experienced this and if so what can I do to try to get over it? We had such an incredible day and I really hate that I'm tainting it because of a stupid dress!!

TIA

Dial Hard

Honestly, I think you just need to put it behind you. You had a fantastic day and you're married to the man you love, that's the most important thing. It's just a dress and in the grand scheme of things, what does is really matter now? You can't change anything at this point so worrying/stressing over it is an exercise in futility.

And honestly, I think I looked at my wedding photos about three times after the initial excitement of getting them back.

It sucks that you didn't love your dress but it was just one part of one day. Remember all the brilliant bits and move on.

Ah.....im sure you looked a million dollars on the Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

airy fairy

In years to come, you'll face many trials, highs and lows. A dress, and how it looked will become irrelevant.

Right now, your wedding seems to be the priority and highlight of your life. Let your marriage be the highlight and don't let the materialistic dress cloud a marriage.

AnneG21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118572751#Comment_118572751

Oh don't get me wrong, it's not taking over my life. I guess I was just triggered today in particular when the dress came back. I am far from the materialistic type normally but at the same time everyone has a picture in their mind of having the dress they love and feeling special on the day which I feel I didn't have, despite it being an amazing day otherwise. Myself and my OH are happy out and very much enjoying married life!

Minier81

Do something positive with your dress to feel good about it and also to say goodbye. You could give it to a bridal charity shop or donate for angel baby gowns https://www.inha.ie/angel-babies/ this might help you move on.

AnneG21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118573011#Comment_118573011

This is a fabulous idea, thank you so much!

Seaqueen20

I know exactly how you feel, six months after my wedding I’m still really upset about the wedding dress situation I found myself in. I’m not shallow and I know that having the best day and being married to an amazing person is all that matters, however, I can’t bring myself to look at my pictures again and any time I do, I get incredibly upset. Let me explain….. I picked my dress in April 2021, there were parts of the dress I loved but other parts I didn’t like as much so the lady in the shop said we can order/tailor it to your specific requirements, happy days. I listed the changes that I would like made, got it in writing, and was guaranteed my dress would be in by the end of August meaning I would have a minimum alteration time of 8 week. The end of August came, no dress, queried this with the shop and was told it would be here by the second week of Sept, two weeks went by, no dress. Fast forward the end of Sept, my dress still hadn’t arrived, now I was starting to worry but the lady in the shop said don’t worry, it’ll be here and the woman that does the alterations will get them done in no time, it’ll be fine. I’m a fairly laid back person and decided that I wasn’t going to let this ruin the lead up to my big day. I told myself ‘relax’, ‘it’ll be fine’ the dress will come, the alterations will be done and all will be wonderful with the world. Anyway, 11 days before my wedding, I got a message to say my dress had arrived and I could fit it on Friday, 9/10 days before the wedding. Friday came and I went to the shop and discovered the wrong dress had been ordered. The shop owner gas lit me and told me this is what I had ordered but I knew in my heart and soul it wasn’t. Went home thinking what have I done, messaged my sis who was with me when ordering the dress and luckily we had pics of the dress I selected and the contract with the details. Messaged shop owner with pics, only then did she admit her mistake and said she could fix it. I thought how? but with no time left to source another dress and have alterations, I had to be open to her suggestions. She came back and said I have a dress similar in stock held for another bride, you can have it and we’ll get it altered so it looks as close to the dress you wanted as possible, brilliant I thought, this may work. Asked for some form of compensation, no was the reply, the dress was same value and she’d pay alterations. It was now only a week to my big day. I queried compensation/discount again in a message and was told I’ll stop all alterations if you don’t want the dress. In desperation I just had to go along with it but in my mind I knew it wasn’t right. Anyway, the dress was altered but still wasn’t the dress I wanted, I really disliked it but with days to go, I had to suck it up. My pics devastate me, I cry every time i think about it, no apology, no ownership of the mistake and certainly no compensation. My vision for my wedding went up in smoke and I will regret my wedding dress for as long as I live. Third world problems I hear you say but everything is relative. I thought maybe it’ll look better in the photos but this was wishful thinking, I was devastated when they came back, lost sleep overthinking what should have been, couldn’t bear to look at weddings on Instagram, not outta jealousy it anything like that but it triggered me and it sent me down a worm hole of regret. I looked at my pics again yesterday, our 6 months anniversary to pick one pic for our thank you card and I cried and cried. I should have loved my dress and my pictures but this shop and owner robbed me off that happiness and experience. I wonder did anyone else have a similar experience and how they dealt with it.

AnneG21

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118997768#Comment_118997768

Seaqueen 😥 I am so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds like such a frustrating and upsetting situation to be in. Much more traumatizing than my situation although I feel like we're similar in that we both sort of felt like we had to sort of suck it up and tried to convince ourselves that on the day it'll be lovely so we settled for what we had. Like you, I would be far from a shallow person when it comes to appearances and that but for our wedding day I think we just anticipate that special feeling which you were obviously very much robbed of. I've heard of so many brides changing their dress the week of the wedding and while I would have previously rolled my eyes at it I only wish I had done the same so that I was happy in the dress I had on the day. I was also looking at photos for our thank you cards recently and I've just ended up putting it off again for another little while. That shop owner you bought your dress from has a lot to answer for, if you feel up to it you could share your experience in google reviews so that others are warned. I can totally empathize with you on being upset at looking at other photos of other brides and their beautiful dresses. It's really tough. I'd love to know how I can flip my mindset to be more positive about it all. Unfortunately I haven't been able to so far. If anything I do try to remind myself how much fun the wedding was, because no doubt you did have a ball of a time! Part of me wonders is it because of what we see on social media too that has sort of exacerbated our expectations/how we feel about it. I am so sorry you had such an awful experience. Hopefully in time we'll feel better about it, for now though it absolutely sucks. Let the tears flow but try not to let it tarnish the memories of your amazing day x

The day / dress / ceremony / circus is only Day 1. There'll be more difficult times ahead than your like for a dress that you wear for one day. In time it'll probably be a bit of a laugh for you, but you're still too close to the day itself. Stick it in a box in the attic and forget about it. As Dial Hard says, most people only look at their wedding photos a few times.

screamer

Ask your husband how he thought you looked when he saw you coming up the aisle. That should put things into perspective. Donating it is a good idea.