Wish it was socially acceptable spend Xmas alone

[Deleted User]

Every year for the last ten years I would dread the idea of spending Christmas with family. Last year I promised myself I wouldn't do it this year. If I had a partner it would be acceptable for me not to be there. It would be seen as there is something 'wrong' with me for not joining, that I'm mad in some way. My family aren't there for me in anyway, only criticism I get. I get that my parents will not be around forever and it would be respectful to them. I've the long weekend off - Saturday to Monday and I want to rest and spend it how I please. I'll say that I'm spending it with a friend, have food of my choice and watch movies on my laptop. It seems that it's the one day in a year where your forced to spend it with others

[Deleted User]

Not sure there was a Q in this, but you can spend Xmas any way you like, OP. That's a given and you shouldn't be shamed for it.

gipi

I spent many Christmases on my own by choice - family kept asking if I was coming over, I kept refusing. I did my own thing and enjoyed it immensely.

OP, if you want your own Christmas, just say no!

Goodigal

You have spent 10 years dreading Christmas. It's time to do what you want and what makes you content on that day. Make your excuses and visit the parents the day after. It's time to do what makes you happy. Go for it!

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Willowground as you're not looking for advice, Personal Issues isn't really the appropriate place for your thread.

I'm going to move it to the Christmas forum, which might suit it better. The local charter now applies

Thanks

HS

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118271029#Comment_118271029

Okay, thank you!

Sundew

When I was in my early 20's and had not long moved to Dublin there was tremendous pressure to return home for Christmas.

I had a strained relationship with my Mother, I remember heading to catch my bus home on the morning of the 24th, and my Mum calling to give me a load of grief. I got off the phone, looked around at all the hustle and bustle on O'Connell St.It was so Christmasy and I love the Christmas atmosphere, and there I was, feeling miserable,after being put in an awful mood by one phone call. I thought I want to enjoy Christmas, and if I get on that bus, its misery for the next 10 days :(

I took the bull by the horns, went back to my rental house, rang a friend and work mate,who I knew was spending Christmas on their own, and arranged for us to have Christmas dinner together. Now I would have also been perfectly happy to spend Christmas on my own, watching Christmas TV and going out for a walk.....but taking charge of my own destiny and not going home for Christmas was the best thing I ever did.

That was over 20 years ago, and I didn't have that sense of peace until covid hit last year,and travel restrictions were put in place.

What a godsend!

Definitely tell the family you will be elsewhere this Christmas, and if you want to relax on your own, then go for it.

Stock up on the goodies, favourite movies, and definitely get the chance to take a nicewalk on Christmas morning.

Christmas on your own can be/will be heaven🙂

Georgia22

I spent almost 30 years resenting having to make that trip "home" every year playing second fiddle to the brothers who would pitch up with exciting presents, girlfriends and treating the place like a hotel. Each year I was accused of being jealous and I got the "this could be my last Christmas" from my mother. I never managed to get up the courage to get out it until after both parents were no longer there. The expectation that the unmarried/uncoupled sister would still make that annual journey was turned on its head when I went away for Christmas one year. Not the best Christmas because a lot of the people on the trip were lonely more than anything else and needed people around. Since then - 10 years - I have been on my own and I love it. Breaking the routine that first year is the hardest but now I have a lovely time - good food, fine wine, plenty of books, walks in a fairly deserted Dublin city centre and calm. Do it that first time and it will seem a bit strange but its a good strange.

Pistachio19

It's time to make a stand and have the Christmas you want, be that by telling a white lie about a friends invitation, or just saying you are planning to stay on your own. Nobody can force you to travel home. They can try to lay on a guilt trip but you don't have to rise to it. If you go with the friend story then at least they probably wont harp on at you, so that might be best.

Graces7

OP; make the break as others are advising. Visit family later? I did it many years ago and actually spent Christmas at a convent retreat house with lovely folk....Many years later I am alone all the time and that is fine. Make sure you have a really good time..food etc.

The first time is hard but after that...

endacl

Xmas is a time of obligation, until you decide it's not.

Graces7

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118299041#Comment_118299041

I never saw it as obligation. Of love, but since when has loving been the proverbial bed of roses ...

[Deleted User]

If ya live on your own OP, and it sounds like you do from your post; then at least you can have the - "Yeah, I went home to my parents' house for Christmas.. was grand.. caught up with... etc" bullshít talk in your back pocket, so to speak, when you get the inevitable grilling from neighbours/workmates about what you did for Christmas.. That's if you do go home, and that's all ya have to say to anyone who asks..

Unless it's your family, and not society in general that you're worried about, as far as shunning your family on Christmas day goes.

You say 'socially acceptable' in thread title.. Who is it you're worried about that might think you're 'mad' , as you mentioned in OP? Was it your family, or everyone else? If it's your family, why would you really care what they think, as they already know you far better than any of your neighbours or colleagues likely do, and unlikely they'll think you any more or less mad for not going home to see the parents/family..

odyssey06

Well, covid has given you the card of 'self isolation' to play if you need it...

But wouldn't it mean a lot to your parents for you to be there? Your presence is your present... you might regret not being there this Christmas for that reason.

Or perhaps you might be able to visit them for New Years, you get your me time for Christmas but also are there for family too.