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Help me know how to help a friend struggling with not being a parent

  • 04-12-2021 11:14pm
    Registered Users Posts: 11

    Hi 👋

    I have been trying to support a friend through the grief and loss she feels as a 36 y/o single woman who is desperate to have kids.

    She was in a longterm relationship which ended because he didn't want kids but strung her along for years saying he would one day. She still misses him. She now broke up with another guy because she couldn't see him settling down and having kids anytime soon.

    She is not keen on medical intervention I.e. egg freezing etc and although always loved the idea of adoption, can't imagine doing it alone. She thinks having a child alone closes off that picture perfect family ideal she had in her mind for her future.

    She is eaten up with the idea she won't have kids naturally. My heart breaks for her but I find it hard to give support or advice. She hates being told it'll all be ok or anything along those lines. She says she's sick of people pretending it will be ok when she is certain it won't be. She can't see any chance of having kids and is closing herself off to dating because she is so heartbroken and doesn't want to go through the same disappointments. She can't handle any more heart break. She is amazing a 10/10 but doesn't see it.

    I try to tell her any example I hear of older parents etc and try not to tell her it'll be ok since I know how much it bugs her but I don't know what to say or how to make her feel better when she's so upset and grief stricken. I desperately want to support and be a friend to her. Any advice appreciated, I am meeting her Monday and it'll definitely come up.

    Thanks in advance


  • Registered Users Posts: 245 ✭✭purplefields

    Freezing eggs at least leaves the option open. I would seriously consider it more.

    It's amazing how one's outlook can change through the years.

  • Registered Users Posts: 19 xeniane

    Hi, I am sorry to know the story of your friend. Agree with the poster above if your ovarian reserve is good enough to freeze eggs. Professional counseling might also be an option to understand pros and cons.

  • Registered Users Posts: 14,309 ✭✭✭✭wotzgoingon

    I know someone in the same position so she went out on the town and hooked up with someone. Got pregnant but is now a single oul one.

    Does she mind being a single oul one or does she want a partner?