Lad I was seeing was cold/insensitive once I caught the virus

fishersham

I caught feelings very quickly, which is so unlike me. We only started talking towards the end of October. We went on a few dates. All very long ones, mind you, he kept finding ways to prolong them. He seemed quite keen. He was Snapchatting me like 20 times a day for a month. The last night we hung out was the night before I caught it.

He was initally sympathetic but was freaking out about catching it (as is only natural). He's doing a work placement with vulnerable people at the minute and can't afford to be off. The ONLY time he reached out to me AFTER I told him I was positive, was to ensure I didn't list him as a close contact? It was so cold. He went from texting me 20+ times a day to nothing. He couldn't even find it in himself to ask how I was? I swear my college lecturers showed me more compassion than the lad giving me sweet little kisses under the stars a few hours before I became a leper to him.

4 days into isolation he finally Snapped me and it was litreally just him celebrating his result in an essay. I just said congrats, he said thank you or whatever. I didn't respond. Again, didn't ask how I was. It's been 2 days since, still nothing. I have a nasty feeling he's going to come bouncing back as soon as I'm out of quarantine. I'm tempted to cut him off in that event, but part of me wonders if I'm being dramatic. I've genuinely not met a lad I've had this much in common with in years! He said the same of me (am female). And maybe I'm being petty? What should I do?

Do you two only communicate through Snapchat?

Neither of ye were communicating for a few days, is it possible he was somehow otherwise occupied?

You're the one that didn't respond to him last so now maybe he's just like you and wondering "WTF is going on?"

If not being Snapped for a few days has you asking Boards for advice, it's probably best to just untie the knot and float away from him.

fishersham

I think you're right. My gut is telling me no anyway. It feels way too soon for me to feel this "off"?

The whole "not talking for a few days" thing hasn't bothered me before with other lads. Some people aren't texters. It's the fact that he was texting all the time that made me think- uh oh. And I was honestly quite mad he couldn't ask me how I was. Even once like. I felt pretty awful for a few days and everyone else seemed to be able to. He's been out once or twice those week. He hasn't been THAT busy.

If I was in your situation I'd just message him casually "well, how are you?" sort of stuff, or however ye usually talk, and see where the conversation goes from there.

If the conversation goes nowhere you'll have your answer and at least then you'll have made the effort and won't be left thinking "What if?"

Tis always hard when you get on well with someone and things fizzle out. The wonderful world of dating.

I hope you did list him as a close contact, especially so if he is working with vulnerable people. Unbelievable.

Then cut him loose. If he would conceal that he was a close contact and take that risk with vulnerable people - and couldn't even ask you how you were when you were ill - he is not of good character. He sounds selfish and immature. No loss.

is_that_so

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234425#Comment_118234425

It's generally better to move on without indulging in pettiness. As we've all seen in our lives COVID has really messed with people's heads and if you are nowhere near the same page as someone it can end up very unpleasant.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234432#Comment_118234432

How is that pettiness? He is working with vulnerable people. It would be criminally negligent if he was a close contact and didn't get tested.

is_that_so

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234461#Comment_118234461

There's nothing here to say he didn't. Judging by the reaction described he is very likely to have got tested at least once. My comments are about his state of mind and you just have to move on from that in these times, without judgement.

Why must we?

The OP says he couldn't afford to be off work. Then he asked the OP not to list him as a close contact. You really think this guy was going to do the responsible thing?!?

His actions say all that needs to be said about the kind of person he is, nó excuses. He has shown the OP not only does he not particularly care about her, he doesn't particularly care about anyone, but himself.

My advice to you, OP, is cut him loose and find someone better.

sparkledrum

His behaviour is definitely off! I would include showering you with 20+ messages in that. Silence then shows there's no substance in what he's been communicating. There's no congruence there.

fishersham

I made him send me pictures with negative antigen tests. I didn't list him as a close contact ultimately. Under current guidelines, all he had to do was 3 antigen tests, given he's symptomless and vaxxed. I asked him to do the PCR twice. Maybe it was my nagging that made him lose interest? But I really do think my nagging was valid, it's a pandemic.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234543#Comment_118234543

You sure they were his?!?

Look, its up to you if this is the kind of person you want to be with, you're already making up excuses for him. Don't you think you deserve better?

You asked for advice, consider it given. I do hope you've recovered well.

fishersham

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234591#Comment_118234591

Thank you for confirming how I felt. Part of me thought I was being silly for expecting a lad to care a little for me after a month.

But no, I'm right. We weren't a couple but it's just being a decent person. I mean you don't go from chatting everyday about everything and anything to ignoring someone once they get sick? Surely then is the time to message them no?

And I'm much better now thank you, just felt crap for like 3 days.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234543#Comment_118234543

That is not your decision. It is the decision of the HSE contact tracers. You are being negligent (imo should be criminal) by lying to contact tracers about who your close contacts were. What if one of the vulnerable people he works with gets the virus and dies or passes it to someone else who dies. Show a bit of responsibility ffs

YellowLead

I don’t think he will come crawling back once you are out of isolation, I think it’s done. I think you are right that is was the ‘nagging’ that pissed him off. Just to clarify I think you were in the right about wanting to list him as a close contact, I don’t mean it was your fault, I just mean that clearly pissed him off you asking to see the neg tests.

Sounds like you knew the over enthusiasticness from him was a bit of a red flag, it usually is when somebody overdoes the contact - it’s likely not genuine and they will drop you like a hot potato. Say goodbye and move on!

fishersham

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234699#Comment_118234699

I know what you're saying but under the new guidelines close contacts who are symptomless and vaxxed don't need to isolate or do a PCR test, provided their antigen test are all negative, over a 5 day period.

This isn't like in the past where they'd actually book a PCR for ya automatically. He would have to do it of his own volition.

I did ask him TWICE and said to consider he may be asymptomatic and pass it on. He did try, but claimed website kept crashing. That may be true, my other close contacts also struggled. Or maybe he wasn't arsed. I did try. I SHOULD have put him down, but it would've made no difference.

fishersham

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118234987#Comment_118234987

Thank you and hopefully not. I'm definitely not entertaining him anymore if he reaches out again.

I did the right thing. If ever there was a time to nag, it's when you think someone might be spreading a highly contagious disease during a global pandemic. It was justified.

He's probably scared of the virus and a bit immature. Just ride it out and see what he is like when you are out of quarantine. It might be a sure teller that this guy is not relationship material.

Get well soon, it will be fine.

fishersham

I'd like this thread closed if possible.

I've moved on. He's tried to hit me up twice since. I explained why I was upset and he gave a shite response. I'm not bothered.

Onwards and upwards.