Boyfriends German Shepherd terrified of me

sugarpuffsrule

Hi, I'm looking for some advise please.

My boyfriend adopted an abused German Shepherd 21 months ago. We had started going out a month beforehand, but I moved in with them 5 weeks ago. His German Shepherd is scared of women when she is on her own.

When my boyfriend is around, she is a wonderful, sweet playful dog. I can pet her, play ball, get hugs, the paw, she'll do all her tricks and there never is any issues. My bf works from home but once a week will be gone 3-12 hours for work/clients etc. This is when she gets terrified. If I go into the kitchen she starts making herself small in her bed, like squashing herself into the wall and shaking, or sometimes going into the far corner. If I open the backdoor and ask her if she wants to go outside, she lowers herself and sprints really fast outside looking scared and in a few minutes will walk inside to the corner of the kitchen again. Occasionally she will come over to me waging her tail if I spend a few minutes talking to her, but she doesn't ever want me to approach her first, as she justs shakes and starts jamming herself against the wall.

She is incredibly confident when my BF or any male is around her. The first time she met my Dad she was giving him a tennis ball and her teddybears and loving the attention. She doesn't like my female friends so we avoid the kitchen if BF isn't home.

She was neglected by a female owner, locked away without much interation and possibly used as breeding dog, according to the shelter. She hasn't any agression but I would like to be able to hang out with her on my own. I showed her, her lead one day, which she goes crazy jumping around if my BF is around, but on my own she walks under the kitchen table.

My BF said she just needs time to trust me and don't rush it. Just talk to her but don't approach her. Give her space and she'll be ok in a while. Is there anything I can do to speed up her trust. I already feed her and give her water, buy her treats and if the three of us are walking, I hold the lead, but she doesn't want to bealone with me.

thefallingman

Ah god op the poor dog !

I'd agree with your boyfriend on this, it seems like you really like the dog and that's half the battle, the longer the dog see's you trying and feeding her and talking to her she will trust you, honestly sounds like you are doing all the right things to me anyway. Good luck to you both !

Tell me how

Your BF is right, give her time.

The dog actually knows you are safe, but obviously has a deeply rooted painful memory of someone who you remind them of. I suspect they will become more and more comfortable around you, but be alert that if you ever surprise them, they might react aggressively before they process that is you and they are not going to hurt them.

You could also keep some dry treats on you or in the room and always reward her for being welcoming towards you until it happens naturally.

sugarpuffsrule

thanks for the replies.

Would there be any point going to a trainer or is the best option just giving her time?

DBB

Time is absolutely what she needs, and you're not going to speed the process up, but what you might do is slow the process down... by trying too hard!

Fearful dogs internalise everything. Even the most innocuous things can be perceived by them as dangerous, and everything you do to try to befriend her runs the risk of confirming her fears, which will slow the process down, hugely.

So, my advice to you would be to stop trying! Or rather, change the way you try. Stop trying to bribe her, stop trying to befriend her, stop approaching her, or asking her to approach you when you're alone together.

Instead, just pretend that she's not really there at all. By all means, when you walk into the room where she is, gently lob a lovely tasty treat over towards her, but don't engage with her. Just carry on about your business without looking at her. You could sit at the far side of the room just quietly reading or doing something to occupy yourself. And just wait. This is likely to take weeks and months.

It might be no harm to get some Adaptil spray and spray some on your clothing so that you smell more "familiar" to her (Adaptil mimics the maternal smell... we humans can't really perceive it).

micah537

5 weeks is way to short to expect any kind of trust. She will slowly let her guard down but expect 3-6 months possibly closer to a year to become close to you.

Be patient. If she is allowed to roam around the house, leave doors open and see will she come in to you. There is a chance she is anxious when your boyfriend leaves as he is the most important human to her.

I adopted a 5 year old GSD who was locked up with another dog for most of if not all her life. The rescue kept her for nearly a year before accepting applications. She opened up a little every few months and was great after six months but I had her a year before she was fully comfortable to completely be herself. She had major fear of wooden spoons, spatulas, footballs, sticks etc and a lot of aggression towards Huskies, now she couldn't care less about these things.

mary 2021

Best advice just live along side her stop trying to get her to love you it will come in time if its meant to be. Three of you now share a space and she has to accept this, by not being 'at her' all the time she'll one day out of the blue just come up to you. its good to be there when she is doing things she likes for instance going on a walk put on your hat & coat and go too, dont make any fuss. Just allow her to see that you want her to enjoy herself and be quietly part of her enjoyment.

Have hope OP.

We once adopted a severely traumatised rough collie, about 8 years old, who had been used for breeding and literally would not let any human near her. Like that, she was not aggressive, just purely terrified of humans.

To cut a long story short, it took us 3 months to get her to come close enough for us to touch her and another six months before she would come into the house.

She used to hide behind the trees in our garden and watch us. We had to leave her food and water in the garden and retreat into the house so she would eat. During the day we kept the back door open so she could see us inside. I used to sit quietly in the garden and talk to her, or just sit reading a book and eventually, day by day, little by little, she crept a bit closer and a bit closer.... until one day I turned around and she was standing behind me in the kitchen. (I nearly died of shock!)

To cut a long story short, given time she learned to trust that we wouldn't hurt her and while she was always fearful of strangers, she became one of the most fiercely loyal and affectionate dogs we ever had. We had her for eight years after that.

sugarpuffsrule

UPDATE: Thanks you were all correct.

BF is gone more these days and she opened up a lot. I walk her every morning and some quick walks at lunch. She is stuck to me these days and lies beside my desk when working. Something just seemed to click in her in mid-Feb.

Great to see two threads this week with happy conclusions!

I'm truly delighted for you, sugarpuffsrule!

Gael23

I agree he’s right and sounds like he knows what he’s doing so just time and patience