Wanted to break up but now I'm sad?

vithit

It's barely a breakup- we literally only "dated" for 6 weeks, I'm not counting the week or 2 of texting beforehand. We did pack a lot in, probably hung out 3/4 times a week. I'm working close to where he goes to college so it was easy.

As soon as we became official 3 weeks ago, I panicked and realised it wasn't what I wanted. I've never done this in the past. I had doubts from the second "date" in, he just wasn't exactly what I wanted. And beyond the point, we have a few incompatibilities so a break up is inevitable. But he was so nice and funny, I thought "why not?", you know?

Something just felt off those last few weeks and last night, after a few drinks, we came to the conclusion that neither of us feel the "spark". I was so relieved as I was dreading how I'd end it, I had no idea he also wasn't crazy about me either. He was adamant he still wanted to be friends and suggested being casual while we both look for what we want. I gave a firm no. It sounds fun but I'm weak and wouldn't be able to handle casual sex etc. Now he's texting me as if nothing happened. In fairness, we barely acted like a couple, we were like two mates who got physical a couple of times. There was no romance. But now suddenly I feel a sad. Not crying, but just "aw crap, I'm not going to be around this person anymore?". What gives?

StevenToast

He wasnt into you either.....that stings the ego and now you're thinking twice....

If he was crying about the break up youd be feeling different...

vithit

That's probably it.

There's no winning is there?

You either feel like a horrible person for rejecting someone or feel horrible because someone rejected you.

I've done both in this situation it seems.

Monkey09

Why not be up-front and tell him you'd like to continue seeing him to see how things develop? It sounds like you both called things off before either of you had much of a chance to really get to know each other.

vithit

I think it's for the best we don't but a part of me still wants to.

He admitted he's quite sad and wants to meet me for coffee this week, guess we'll see what happens.

I wish we hadn't rushed things so much.

JustJoe7240

You didn't give it a proper go IMO, Making it official after 3 weeks is a bit nuts but it's not too late to give it a proper shot. Good chance he might be into you and just said he wasn't that sure to protect his ego.

TheadoreT

Sounds like you want him to be obsessed with you despite not being into him but he's equally not bothered.

Either continue to be mates or leave him alone, don't start playing games to try entice some sort of bigger emotion from him, that makes you seem very insecure.

YellowLead

Since you described yourselves at two mates who sometimes got physical but there was no romance, then there could be potential here to hang out and keep in touch as friends if you like him as a person and vice versa? Without benefits of course.

just since there wasn’t really any feelings to begin with friends could be an option if you did like each other that way.

vithit

We met up today and it was actually lovely.

He bought us both coffee and we chatted for 2 hours and he drove me home. No real awkwardness. Even invited me to his friends birthday do so I can meet the lads, he thinks we'd get along well?

Part of me wants to get back together but I know logically we shouldn't. He says the same. It's nice we can still hang out. Usually I never stay friends with someone I've dated (though admittedly this is the shortest thing I've ever had).