[ANON POST] Recently realised I'm Bi

Ten of Swords

Mod note - this is an anon post that I am making at the request of another user

So I'm married to a man and we have 3 children. I've suffered with depression over the years both post natal and general. I've gone to endless amounts of therapies, life coaching, had moments of complete despair and wanted out. I've recently being doing yet another life coaching programmes I'm in a better head space. I'm doing a lot on self discovery and journaling. 

I finally got to the root of my anxiety, my feeling of inadequacy and sense of purpose. I'm Bi. I've always been. I can recall all the moments as a school girl, teenager and adult where I've checked out other girls. Then I've always been like stop doing that!!! What would people think etc

I see now what I've been missing, needing; desiring all my life. 

Physically and sexually attracted to men but I'm emotionally, mentally, psychologically, sexually and physically attracted to women. All my life I've always felt this strange feeling of in completion or a lack of purpose. I've always felt so drawn to women and been able to say in my head wow shes gorgeous etc.

Now I feel almost like I'm reborn if that makes any sense and I understand who the hell I am and what's been missing.

Regarding my marriage I'm not sure if it has been a help that my husband is never really home as he works 6 days a week. I feel he only ever fulfilled 2 needs... a physical and sexual attraction. 

I have a female friend who i only met a year ago and our friendship has grown so much over the last year. We have just clicked. Personally, i'm emotionally, mentally, psychologically, romantically, physically and sexually attracted to her. We have this really deep emotional connection. Now nothing has happened between us apart from really deep, open and meaningful chats. I don't think it ever will happen as I know she's pretty much 100% straight. I haven't told her about my own sexuality but I will in time. I see now why she came into my life as she really allowed me to feel all the suppressed feelings now that my head is so much clearer after all my journaling and therapies.

My marriage has had no intimacy for 3 years purely down to my lack of connection with my husband as I cannot be intimate without having a connection. 

I'm so torn now with what I should do. I know my husband will never be able to meet all my other needs. I am at peace with that. However I am just so unfulfilled in this relationship and we are living as friends really. I'm also so very conscious of the effect this will have on our children. The last thing I want to do is hurt or confuse them.

I can continue this way for everyone else and pretend I'm happy but inside I know what needs are not being fulfilled.

I guess I'm posting this because I feel so overwhelmed by the thoughts of finally being true and also overwhelmed by the upset and distress this will cause my family.

I would appreciate any advice or anyone else to share their experiences of similar. Thank you for reading.

AllForIt

Physically and sexually attracted to men but I'm emotionally, mentally, psychologically, sexually and physically attracted to women. 

Are you saying then that you are not emotionally mentally or psychologically attracted to men? In which case you married your husband just because you are physically attracted to him. If you have problems in your marriage then that is more likely the cause than you husband works 6 days a week. You say you husband will never be able to meet your needs but that's hardly his fault. It is unlikely you can both continue on as you are because your husband needs are hardly being fulfilled either and how long is he going to put up with that.

I think your situation is really no different from than any marriage that is not working i.e you realize you are not in love/satisfied with your current partner and you are looking elsewhere. Happens on the time. How to deal with a broken marriage isn't really an LGBT issue so I can't give any advice on how you should proceed in that regard. Of course that you would prefer to be with another woman adds a further complication but still basically your issue is firstly a marriage breakdown. Given what you've said marriage counselling would hardly be an answer.

I might suggest though getting to where you want to be in stages rather than doing it all in one go might make the whole experience a little less traumatic for everyone. So rather than leaving your husband for a woman in one go, leave your husband. It's not like you have a female partner anyway. Get that out of the way; I don't think you need to reveal that your are bisexual necessarily.