visitors to home

my partner and I and our 2 year old all live in a house on the other side of the country to our families.

This involves an overnight stay if we go to them or they come to us.

Our toddler never settles when we go to them, is out of sorts and acts up, which is fine.

When they come to us, one family moves heaver and earth to be helpful around the house and with our toddler. They are younger, late 50's.

The others, who are late 60's come and treat it as a trip away. They recently came on a Friday to Tuesday trip, I had mentioned before the trip our toddler would be in childcare and we would be working as we haven't leave, so we'd only really be around evenings and the weekend. ... all fine I was told..

Our toddler isn't the most affectionate with new people, and although they got hugs etc... they started commenting on the lack of affection straight away.... next, they complained about feeling in the way, that we weren't around much (i.e. we were working).... then, when one of them basically made it known they weren't going to help with our toddler (I can't take him for a walk as I don't know the area, I can't look after him in the house because he doesn't listen to me etc...) we just continued life as a normal weekend, trying to look after our toddler, look after and entertain them, and do our day to day chores etc...

I'm not expecting them to live up to the other younger grandparents, but they literally came over, didn't lift a finger all weekend, got entertained, and complained about it...

all the while, now our toddler is out their routine, which will take a few days to get back into....

anyone have similar grandparents?

SmallgirlBigcity

Yes. My boyfriends parents live down the road from us and they're an amazing help with our 2 year old. As they live local, they don't need to stay over. But my parents live hours away. If they visit, they can't stay over because we don't have a spare room for them but I'm actually glad about this because I know they'd be nightmare guests - not helping with the toddler and thinking of it as a holiday. They are older too and don't know how to interact properly with a toddler. If I was you, I simply wouldn't have them stay over or if you must, make sure it's a shorter visit, perhaps one or two nights maximum. I can't imagine having people stay in my house for that long, all while trying to work and manage a 2 year old.

People forget what a handful a toddler is and how important their routine is. My advice is to do what suits you and either don't have them stay over at all or do shorter visits. You could say that it ruins the toddlers routine and it's too much hassle. Hope this helps!

Pawwed Rig

Had my wife's parents over for a few weeks after we had our second. It was like having 2 extra kids in the house. Me and herself didn't get a single night out or babysitting the whole time they were here. Never again

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117938916#Comment_117938916

It's the logical solution alright, but we also have the added situation of jealousy etc...

Older grandparents think younger are getting preference (they aren't, they were just more willing to make the trip to us during COVID, where they wouldn't visit us or let them visit them, it's also a bigger family, so it seems like they see them more, where it's only 1 or 2 trips for the individuals)

Older grandparents think grandchild doesn't like them much (not true, but the relationship they want isn't there, because they haven't cultivated it)

Add in comments about parenting styles and the comments about them being in the way being flipped as if it is our faults, there trips over are just zero enjoyable...

Problem is, they don't see themselves as doing anything wrong, and bringing it up will more than likely end up in a falling out, with us to blame

fun times

crisco10

Not a help, but Season 1 Episode 4 of Motherhood is a hilarious depiction of "helpful" grand parents.

Might help you laugh!

awec

We are the same in that both grandparents need to stay over when they visit (and we need to stay when we visit them). Both are very helpful and we get on excellently with all, but even then it is exhausting having visitors. It is not a break of any sort.

I think Friday to Tuesday is too long, 1 or 2 nights is the sweet spot. Anything more than this is starting to impose and it'll wreck your head, as you have work, plus kids, plus guests.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117953680#Comment_117953680

They honestly don't impose if they can keep themselves entertained, and give a bit of a digout... this set of grandparents did nothing, and I got smart remarks about not chatting much at 9pm having been up since 5 am, got everyone out to the local petting farm for a visit, entertaining and feeding them etc...

I just know if anything is said it will become an issue and we'll be to blame as "they're not able" .... I'm not asking them do look after them overnight, or for us to go to the pub, or at all if they don't want, but they could at least help with the dishes or bring the child for a walk in the buggy for 20mins.... but nothing