Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue

LunaIsMyUsername

Ive been dating a guy for the last 5 months, we knew each other for several years and had been texting throughout covid lock downs before we got together. Everything was great with us from what I could tell, 2 weeks ago he introduced me to some of his family, I've met all his friends and he regularly included me in their nights out. Then over the weekend I heard nothing from him which was very out of character as he always keeps in touch. When I messaged him I got short and blunt replies. I asked him what the problem was and he dumped me, said this isn't what he wants. I tried to talk to him about it but he had every excuse under the sun for ending it. Im heartbroken and completely blindsided by this. Ive been crying constantly for 2 days and feel totally hopeless. We talked about wanting children and feel that dream is now taken from me along with him. I don't know what to do, how do I move on from this?

I've been there and I know how much it hurts. It seems like little consolation but it will get better, I promise you.

I can't explain his actions and I'm not going to speculate.

My only advice is to take a few days for yourself and try to get some perspective. Your dream of children is not lost. In a few weeks or months you can start dating again and you will meet the right guy.

Big Bag of Chips

Would you want children with a man who is so flaky? He dumped you by text. Not exactly great father material or someone you could depend on fit support in a crisis.

There could be any number of reasons. So speculating here is pointless, and you're unlikely to get a straight answer from him. At the end of the day the is one that didn't work out. Be glad that is something that happened in the early stages, rather than when you're pregnant or have a couple of children.

Take time to feel sorry for yourself for a while. But then brush yourself off and move forward.

PeonyPink

Been there OP.

Walk away, head up high. I had this experience last year with a clown I was dating and I tried to get to the bottom of it, texting and calling, nothing excessive just trying to communicate. A month later found out he was with someone else and couldn’t get enough of the “sess” with the friends.

Cut him off OP and make him live with his choice. Be absent from his life.

Remember, his friends are HIS friends and as much as you all got along or so you thought, some lads can’t make up their own minds and let their friends/friends opinions make it up for them. They’ll even cover up for eachother if there’s any cheating etc so don’t reach out or engage any of them for information cause you will never get the truth. Just be civil but do not get into conversation. Move on.

Don’t go back to him and plead with him. It’ll just make you look foolish.

Sounds like he was telling you what you wanted to hear OP, he won’t be the first or last coward to do so. Probably had his head turned on the last night out and is now acting cowardly. You’ve done nothing wrong and you aren’t the guilty one here.

It wasn’t the relationship you thought it was. If he loved you, he wouldn’t dump you.

Not sure what age you are but if late twenties/thirties like myself, steer clear of the lads still on the sessions or nights out with the “friends”. Trouble.

Take up a hobby - I know I hate when people say this but it’s so true and can be therapeutic. I hired a personal trainer and while I didn’t exactly keep it up religiously, it gave me something to focus on and distracted me.

See a counsellor - This really helped me. Talking to someone objective that doesn’t know you can really help. It will help you process your feelings

Friends - stay busy, meet up with friends and have some fun.

Theres nothing wrong with you and it’s his loss.

You deserve a lot better. Don’t waste any more tears on this gobshite!!!!

LunaIsMyUsername

Thanks everyone, its just the little things I miss like texting each other about our day, sharing news with each other and meeting up to go out on the weekends. I suppose its better that it ended now instead of another 3 months down the line, if it hurts now it would hurt allot more later on. I have lots going on in my life to keep me occupied and supportive friends but I still miss him. I am feeling better about it today, I haven't cried (yet) which is a good sign I think but when I wake up the mornings I have a moment were I forget and then it hits me. I know this feeling will pass but I just feel so disappointed, he was the first man I've had feelings for in a very long time and I was really hopeful about the direction we were going in.

Ive tried to make an appointment for counselling but can't get an appointment with any place I've contacted, I suppose they've all got backlogs from the lockdowns etc.

Im going to start going to Yoga classes with a friend to get me out of the house in the evenings and did a good bit of retail therapy today. Just hoping this feeling passes soon.

YellowLead

Sorry to hear that OP it’s tough when you get on so well and like somebody when the end is sudden like that.

But you met him and you’ll meet others, he just wasn’t right for you. Enjoy the retail therapy, actually therapy, and yoga.

PressRun

Very sorry to hear this. It's probably no help to hear now, but it does get easier and you will move on from it.

And you should know you aren't the only one to go through this. I don't know how old you or this man are, but this is a common occurrence among the late 20s demographic. As a poster above said, there are unfortunately plenty of lads at that age who are still hanging onto the sesh and will allow their friend group to influence many of their decisions, and I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the opinions of his friends have had some hand in this - whether that be they didn't like you for whatever reason, they made fun of him for liking you, or they encouraged him to keep his options open/stay on the sesh with them. These men don't know what they want or they are too afraid to admit to their sesh-head friends that they want something serious and stable, so they quickly drop new relationships before they can really go somewhere serious. It's very childish and cowardly behaviour, as is essentially ghosting you after 5 months. And you have to ask yourself if those are the types of traits you're really looking for in a partner.

You talk about wanting children etc. Is it not better to do all of that with a man who is ready to be serious with you in a mature way, knows what he wants, and isn't terrified of vulnerability and his own emotions?

It can be hard to move on when you feel you don't have closure and it's only natural to seek answers, but you already have all your closure and answers in how he chose to handle this situation. He already showed you who he is.

B.A._Baracus

Hey op, time will heal all. As for how long? Sadly no one knows. Just allow yourself it tho.

As for him? To f**k with him. Rather than focusing on missing him or the relationship, realise how he ended it and how he was an as*hole.

No one wakes up and randomly decides to break up with their partner. While it was out of the blue and shocking for you, it was something he was gearing up to for ages behind your back. Which I absolutely hate.