I found out I have Dyspraxia...in my late 40s.

cailte

I have spent my whole life feeling like the wiring in my brain is faulty and not knowing why. On the surface,I have a good job,I am married and have a good quality of life.But every single thing I do and say is done with a lot of struggle and anxiety and always has been(since very very young). I have never been able to drive and get lost if I have to go somewhere I don't know. And because I have hit menopause and things were getting worse,I paid for a private thorough assessment for possible Dyspraxia.

I got told I most definitely have it,scoring very high in all areas assessed.

Even though I looked for this,I am still very shocked to be told yes,I actually have it. I am dealing so many different emotions now-anger,regret,confusion and upset. I was referred to two different people afterwards to have chats about the diagnois(both very experienced in this area) and they were lovely and did help,but I am just so upset,thinking back over how much of a struggle my whole life has been,in work,with friendships,with food and my general health.

I never felt able to have children because I just knew something was wrong with me and didnt know what.

I think the worst part is the very very limited help for adults with this and newly diagnosed. I suppose I am grieving for the life I could have had if I had been diagnosed much younger and got help then.

I suppose I am asking- how do I deal with this knowledge?

Hannibal_Smith

The other way of looking at it is to say look at all you have achieved,despite how hard it was and having an undiagnosed condition.

I think it's bound to hit you hard, even though you expected it and its a lot to deal with on your own. Can you go back and speak to one of the two you already spoke to about the diagnosis? If not, go back to your GP, discuss it with them and ask them to refer you to a counsellor.

farmerval

The knowledge that this could have been diagnosed much earlier must be incredibly difficult to deal with, it probably leaves you with a whole load of what if's . Our son was diagnosed with ADD late in his educational life and a comment from the professional who completed the diagnosis stayed with me, she said "that while he could now access medication that would have a meaningful effect, the years spent struggling meant that he had missed out on developing many of the strategies that other people his age would have developed for dealing with issues in their lives, so he was still going to be behind the curve for a long time"

Is there any society/association etc that can help? I got type 2 diabetes last year and diabetes.co.uk was a godsend, getting into chatrooms with people who had the same issues was great. Also in both the things above that we have dealt with in the recent past the medical community didn't cover themselves in glory. Accessing the help our son needs is proving extremely difficult. With the medical profession it seems like when you need full cake to address your issue, each medical professional you get to only actually provides one slice, they deal with one narrow section of the issues you need to deal with.

Sorry for the long reply, in a nutshell the only advice I can offer is, try and lean on the wisdom of others who have been on your journey before you. Search for organisations that deal with dypraxia specifically. See if there are occupational therapists who specialise in dyspraxia, and most importantly of all, be really kind to yourself, talk to a counsellor if you can, talk to friends, be conscious of building a support network around yourself. Try build a community of you, a community where this piece on information is that, a piece of information that informs why some things are the way they are, but that piece of information is not everything.

As you have acknowledged, you have achieved a lot. Your situation now regarding not having kids is not going to change now, so you can plan for the future in that light. You will have freedom to explore/follow things that others your age don't simply because much of their lives are tied up in children and their needs etc.

Best of luck with this, RD Laing used to say that to know yourself is the greatest form of aggression, I believe the absolute opposite, if you can accept yourself it is the greatest liberator of all. Knowing that there is a part of you that will make some things in life harder is better than not knowing why you feel that some things in life seem harder for you than others. You have another brick in the wall of self knowledge, hopefully once you can fully accept it, then you can use this knowledge to your benefit.

Flinty997

Sounds like you've done amazing.

I would say the diagnosis gives you a "why" for why some things are hard.

It might also give you ideas for coping strategies and methods that might help you with things you find hard.

Flinty997

Dyspraxia is not always obvious, you might put down something to being bad at it. But it actually due to the Dyspraxia. Also it doesn't mean you can never do something, or might mean you have to do it differently and learn it differently. May also mean it takes longer to learn something.

Having the diagnosis also means those around you will be able to know why you do things a certain way and how best to support you. They will have more patience.

Day Lewin

Cailte, this has been a shock for you to deal with - my sympathies.

I'd like to add, though, that maybe there wasn't awareness of Dyspraxia as a named condition, back in the day. Certainly not among adults!

Many of the things that now have names, Like Dyspraxia, and Aspergers, etc, didn't really exist as such back when we were at school or in our young days

(You don't give your age - but if, like me, you are post-menopause, it can't be very young - ;-) )

And when they were first identified, it was from observation of children; no thought at first of the adults who have been living with this all their life, learning to cope with it, manage the difficulties it presents, and (usually) hide it.

It must be a huge sudden blow - the "if only!" and the "what if?"

It's like having missed out on chances that people can get nowadays because so much more is known about these conditions.

But even so, sounds like you have managed really well, given the awkwardness that you have had to cope with!

Sorry, this is just a ramble to say, I sympathise, I understand (been there) and to wish you the best of luck for the future.

mohawk

At last you have an answer as to what was causing you struggles your entire life. However, even when in our hearts we are expecting a certain answer it’s still a shock when it happens. Time can be a big help. The team that diagnosed my son with ASD told me that he is still the same little boy he was before you got this diagnosis. So other then having a label for your condition, nothing has changed, you are the same person.

Lots of adults are getting late diagnosis so maybe look online for support groups that will get what your going through.

cailte

OP here,thank you all so much for the replies,advice and sympathies. I feel very much on my own with this. I don't want to go into details here but only two people know of my diagnosis,my husband and one family member,and I just don't feel able to say to anyone else.

The main reason I got an assessment is to do with my job,which I can do right now,but may not be able to,in the future and wanted something in writing,in case I have to disclose this.

As for help or groups,its not good. Most things are geared towards children or teenagers. Even in the UK,i found a great site but again,most on it are very young or older but have been diagnosed since young.

I am not inclined to go back to my GP as while very nice and kind,she seemed to be unsure as to how to help,which I understood.

Ill figure something out and lll refer to these replies again,which I really appreciate.

Flinty997

I think thats because most people have managed to find coping mechanisms or habits to deal with (or avoid) any issues by they time they are older.

Also things like dyspraxia, has a lot of variety and wide range of severity with regard to symptoms. So even people who don't have dyspraxia might find they have traits of dyspraxia but very mild and only with certain things.

As such you might find if you post a question, say on a work forum about a certain issue, you might find lots of people have different coping mechanisms, even if its to delegate specific tasks to others. One I was reading recently was driving. Often people with dyspraxia may struggle with manual gears shifts. But can manage a automatic. A small % never learn to drive. Something I'd never considered. Another one is hand coordination, posture, and balance. This might be mitigated, by frequent involvement in a sport, or some physical training. Muscle memory might be able to compensate enough for it not to be a problem.

People without dyspraxia also have these problems. So while the cause might be different.

The solution, (or coping mechanism) might be similar.