I don’t want to leave but I don’t know what there is to stay for?

usera01

edited: ty for the replies. clearing my post now, first time making a thread and I hate having my issues online.

Thank you though!

[Deleted User]

Your post reads like you just feel ye should be getting engaged because you have been together a certain amount of time.

I'm not sure why that would matter.

You didn't say that you want to marry him, or live with him, or be with him.

If you do want to be with him, to be together, then I would be asking about moving in together, seriously.

If he is not interested in that I would think about moving on.

YellowLead

Why don’t you move out from home and live with other 20 somethings? You could still date him but experience that. Or you could still take a summer working abroad (if your career allows for that which I assume it does as you proposed it to him) while keeping in contact?

I know you love him, but you haven’t really experienced anyone or anything else and there is always a risk that he will never want to commit any further if he hasn’t after 7 years.

Now I am biased because I was in a relationship from 17 for 18 years and don’t feel it’s a good idea based on person experience - so my mindset is firmly don’t settle too young - experience life and lots of people first.

As others have cautioned- buying a house when you have never lived together, and marriage isn’t sorted could be risky. I don’t know why he doesn’t want to live with you after so long. I get he doesn’t want to settle into long term married life so young - but why not move in or else end things? It’s an odd limbo.

PS - you are only 25, you haven’t missed out on your twenties yet!

Hannibal_Smith

If you wanted to move out yourself, you could have done it. You didn't need to move out with your boyfriend. Myself and my husband are together since we were 18 and our 20s our lives were at different paces. He decided to go back to college and rather than wait for him to be ready to move in with me, I moved out and house shared for years. It was slightly different though, in that we both agreed we would settle down in our 30s and do our own thing in our 20s. Settling down was going to be forever, so we'd need to have no regrets before we did it! 😂

Our way is not for everybody, but certainly if you love each other it's not worth throwing it away because of an expectation that things should be done within a certain time. That said, you shouldn't have to compromise if waiting isn't agreeable to you.

So, find out if moving in/getting married is on the cards AT ALL, does he have a vision of how he sees things going and if it doesn't match up with what you would like, then I would move on.

Big Bag of Chips

I know you've been together 7 years but you are still only 25. Why do you want to be engaged? There is so much more to life, living, relationship than getting engaged, just because.

Getting engaged is a commitment to getting married. So in that sense I sort of agree with him. Why bother getting engaged if you have no other plans. Getting engaged isn't going to progress your relationship if you're both still living at home with no plans. You'll still be in exactly the same situation as you are now, except you'll be wearing a ring.

You seem to have put your life on hold waiting for him. Your friends live with others their age. What stopping you? Just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're joined at the hip. It doesn't mean you can only do things together. You seem to have a lot you want to do, and feel like you've wasted your 20s, even though you're only half way through! Why not make your own decisions? You have no responsibilities yet, no mortgage, no children. Live your life a little or you'll forever regret it. Especially if it's something you've always wanted to do, but didn't do because of someone else.

Caranica

"if you want to know me, come live with me" - my grandmother said this to me, not about us but about relationships. I've had a guy move in and kicked him out 2 days later, obviously relationship ended. Another guy I married, we lived together as housemates for over a year before we ever got together. No way should you contemplate a ring without living together. There's no rules about how long you should be together before getting engaged.

qwerty13

To me, it comes across as though you’re pinning a lot of your happiness on your BF. I don’t think that’s fair, or realistic.

At the same time, you’re envious of what your friends are doing - whether that’s moving out of the family home, sharing a house with friends, or travelling.

I think this may be a drawback of getting together with someone at quite a young age: you were coupled up when probably most of your pals were living the single life, and not having to consider a partner in their plans.

I’d urge extreme caution at buying a home without living together first. If you even look at the threads here, there’s a fair number historically about different attitudes to money, housework, cooking, male/female roles, how involved parents are re ‘dropping in’, having ‘couple time’ v games night, separate TV viewing, gaming, wanting to chat a lot v needing separate time. All of those things are potentially points of strife - and you won’t know them until you live with him.

qwerty13

PS: I don’t understand the wanting to be engaged very soon part. Surely the next step in your relationship is living together. Or travelling together. Or anything that didn’t involve you both living with your parents, and getting a good medium-term sense of how you feel being with each other 24/7.

I’d have to say that I’ve never understood long engagements though - you’re either together, or you’re not. What does it matter if people think you’re a couple, or an engaged couple. Do you want a public expression of his commitment, or do you want to see if you’re really truly compatible first.