How do you tell a fully grown adult to wash their hands

fun loving criminal

I house share with a few others and my bedroom is right beside the bathroom and I can hear everything that goes on in the bathroom. I mean everything.

There's one housemate who doesn't wash their hands. At all. Will take a dump, flush the toilet and walk straight out of the bathroom. Thing is they buy toilet paper, so they can clean their ass, so they at least understand why you might want a clean ass. But just not wash their hands.

I thought maybe, they might be someone who washes their hands and then flush. But they went to the toilet and flushed. Then went to blow their nose and walked straight out of the bathroom then. So no handwashing there as well.

I also saw them sneeze right into their hands and they didn't wash their hands after that as well.

This is really gross from a man in his 40s. How do I tell someone that should have been thought this as a toddler?

mickdw

I'd be wanting to move out if I thought another housemate was actively listening to my toilet use handwash or not.

Hannibal_Smith

How about after he sneezes 'do you mind washing your hands there we're not out of the woods yet with covid. Hand washing after you sneeze should be as important as hand washing after you go to the loo'

SVI40

Simple, just say "wash your hands, ya dirty bastid".

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117838863#Comment_117838863

I don't actively listen to them. It's hard not to notice when there are thin walls in the house.

It's disgusting and they also go off and empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher, with crap particles on their hands.

It's an awkward topic and I honestly have no idea how to address the issue with them. I thought their mother should have this job done.

TheadoreT

Firstly stop using they and them when you then call him a man at the end. Futile ambiguity.

Then put on your big boy pants and talk to him about it. Or move out. Tbh sleeping beside a bathroom where you can hear everything sounds grim regardless of his habits so moving out would probably be high on my priorities in your position if at all possible.

mrslancaster

Get some of those signs "Now wash your hands please" and stick one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen. They have them in office & school suppliers and amazon or maybe in places like woodies. Feel for you OP, it's not nice living with manky folk.

Tork

Do you honestly think sticking up some signs will make somebody like this change their ways? Not a bloody chance? When it comes to awkward conversations about things like personal hygiene, dropping hints and sticking up signs never work. Somebody always has to take the offender aside for a an awkward chat. I've mentioned before in another thread that I used to annoy my housemates by making too much noise at night. It was only when somebody had a word that it all started to make sense. I had heard the hints but it never occurred to me that they were for my benefit. I don't think I'm a stupid person but I made no connection at the time.

I've seen it suggested here many a time that people should start gifting stinky colleagues with cans of deodorant. Or better still, strike up a conversation that goes along the lines of "Hello Joe, I've just bought the latest version of Sure in the supermarket. Have you tried it? It's really good you know. Not a bead of sweat has formed under my arms since I bought a can last week". Seriously.....

If somebody's a filthy bastard like this man is, he's not going to change his ways drastically. He might wash his hands when you're in the house so that you don't have another awkward conversation about it but what when you're not there? I've met or worked with a few people whose mothers don't seem to have gotten around to explaining the basics of personal hygiene to. They're in a minority but they exist.

PeteEd

How about having a fully grown adult conversation with said housemate about your concerns?

"George Carlin - Germs, Immune System" may also offer you some reassuring 3rd party perspective to the matter in hand (Pun not intended)

You wonder how the human race got to where it is today. No wonder our immune systems are shagged when the world is full of germaphobes...

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117874708#Comment_117874708

I don't think the people that came into contact with typhoid Mary got very far either. She too was someone who never washed her hands.

notAMember

I love how at least three posters blame this guys mother, as if an adult is not responsible for knowing to wash hands. If you think he is equivalent to a child, maybe treat him like a child.

OP, is there a bar of soap in the bathroom?

Here’s what I do with my children. I put solid soap in the bathroom, a bar of it. No liquid soap. It is blindingly obvious when someone has washed their hands with a bar, because it is wet.

I personally bollock the kids out of it until they wash, and the evidence is right there. You could do that, be his parent.

Or, You go to use bathroom after the revolting guy. Come out and say, Hey John, I see you don’t use the soap to wash your hands , do you want a different brand?

Jequ0n

Disgusting behaviour. I’d just say it outright and let them deal with the embarrassment. If covid didn’t teach adults to wash their **** hands only shaming them can work.

Redjacketboy

I agree with other posters, there isn't a chance there'll be a change if you leave hints and next to none of have the conversation.

I also think you need toove house or rooms, it sounds awful listening to the bathroom.

Also on another note blaming a parent for a forty year old hygiene is a bit mad. Also blaming just the Mum a bit 1970's??

Quantum Erasure

blaming just the Mum a bit 1970's??

man in his 40's,

sounds about right

bucketybuck

Whats worse, a man who doesn't wash his hands or a pet running around the house?

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117880536#Comment_117880536

Well a pet doesn't empty clean dishes from the dishwasher with sh!t on their paws.

^ My granny lived to 117 and she smoked six pags of fags a day, had a bottle of whiskey for breakfast and had a pet chimpanzee that did all the cooking but never washed its hands.

OP, in these situations name-calling often works well. Brainstorm with the other housemates, but you need a revealing nickname to drop casually into a conversation; e.g. 'Oh hai, Edward Samonellafingers, how was work?' or 'How's things Soapy?' (Obviously these are just suggestions and you are free to pick your own nickname after consulting with Boards.)

Tork

Schoolyard bullying or blunt conversations only have limited value though. If he has made it this far without knowing he should wash his hands, he's unlikely to change his ways. At best, he'll do it while you're around and won't bother when you're not. I'd also be wondering what on earth a man in his 40s is doing still in a house share. What happened there?

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117882440#Comment_117882440

In all fairness, I'm not too off from 40 myself, I hope nobody is looking at me weirdly like that. That said, I'm looking at places to rent by myself.

Big Bag of Chips

fun loving criminal, remember that Personal Issues is an advice forum when replying. Replies are expected to offer advice to the OP rather than simply comment on other posts.

Thanks.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117882495#Comment_117882495

was there much valuable advice contained in the post that was quoted? I might have missed it.

Jequ0n

Was there much valuable advice contained in the post that was quoted? I might have missed it.

OP, I hope you stop the nicely approach and get this person out of the house or move out yourself.

Hector Savage

What about printing a sign and hanging it up on the door ?

*PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS* or similar ?

onlinemathsgr

You could say... I heard on the radio today 28% of adults dont wash their hands after a dump.... and then they spread fecal matter all around the place... dirty feckers.... and stare at him and say... what you think of that?

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117893453#Comment_117893453

I don't think hints like that work. I honestly have no idea what to do and the whole situation makes me feel so sick. I did send him an anonymous message, which could be from anyone really if that's the way he's like and guess what, still no hand washing.

I'm keeping my food and plates and cutlery in my room. I have the space in my room for a mini kitchen, fridge, kettle and toaster, so that's what I've been doing and wiping door handles every time I have to touch them... Otherwise I don't know what else I can do. I'm also making plans to move out and I hope I get away from house sharing.

the_pen_turner

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117882495#Comment_117882495

fun loving criminal is the OP

SAMTALK

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117893497#Comment_117893497

It is unbelievable in this day and age that people don't practice the most basic of hygiene

Where I work lads come out of office toilet and walk straight past the sink, proceed to kitchen and put on kettle. !

I thought when Covid started they would get the message as there are signs stuck up on every wall space there is, extra soap left out , hand dryer and kitchen rolls supplied, along with hand sanitizer but made no difference at all,

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117893639#Comment_117893639

I know, it absolutely sickens me especially after using the toilet. They must have so much dirt gathered on their hands. I know covid isn't an issue with surface transfer but other bacteria/other viruses/diseases hasn't gone away either. And they're touching clean crockery and cutlery.

SAMTALK

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117893744#Comment_117893744

Surface transfer is the least of it here. Coughing and sneezing all over the place and most times dont bother to cover their mouths, other times staight into hands. I have stopped using kitchen for this reason as my stomach turns when I think of the lack of hygiene

I think you should say something straight out, like when he's emptying the dishwasher maybe say I hope you washed your hands before handling stuff, as I know you dont after using the bathroom, don't forget I can hear everything from my room .

Hopefully he takes the message on board, as this is something you need to nip in the bud as he is handling kitchen utensils etc

cbreeze

As the housemate obviously does not go near the handwashing facilities you only need to sanitize the toilet seat, flush handle and door handle. As you have a dishwasher its probable that he never gets his hands washed at all unless he takes a bath or shower (does he?). Is there only one bathroom in the house? One of those Febreeze bathroom scent diffusers might help, too.

fun loving criminal

Well I ended up sending him an anonymous text message. And that didn't work.

I honestly don't know what to do without catching him coming right out of the bathroom after flushing. I'll then say something.

But how else can I tell him. I think it's disgusting that he can have his hands up his ass, and he will go around touching everything after that. He will empty clean cutlery and plates from the dishwasher with the same unwashed hands.

He has started using our toilet paper in the bathroom as well. I don't understand, we're not going to kill him for using soap as well.

Or is this a case of just saying something and getting over it?

fun loving criminal

This whole issue makes me sick with the thought of it. That I just had to tell him and use the shaming advice I received here. I sent him a message to say that I was awake in the morning when he was getting ready and noticed how he walked out of the bathroom without washing his hands. I told him it was disgusting behaviour and he needs to wash his hands.

Well, I didn't get a reply and he didn't buy soap to use. Since he buys his own toilet paper, i thought he might buy his own soap. But there's nothing new in the bathroom.

So what now? He might as well rub his ass all over everything in the house. It's gross.

Tork

Well, you couldn't have handled it more badly if you tried. The only way you can broach a sensitive subject like this is face to face. Not using text messages, post-it notes or dropping hints. They do not work. Ever. You blew your chance by avoiding the direct approach. All that's left is a face to face conversation. The slim chances of that going well have evaporated because of what went before.

I was accused earlier in this thread of being unhelpful but I'm being bleakly realistic here. There are people out there who are clueless filthy pigs and nothing you can say will ever fix them. I almost laughed when I got to the bit about him not buying soap. You really don't get it, do you?

At best, he might wash his hands when you're at home, to stop you giving him a hard time. When you're not at home, he probably won't bother. That's the best case scenario.

The only way this can be solved is by one of you ceasing to live in the house. Unless he's planning on moving, it looks like you'll be going. All you can do in the meantime is keep your personal things in your room. Good luck with the house hunting.

fun loving criminal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/117977702#Comment_117977702

Thanks, we've been given notice to leave after Christmas. And I've been looking now because I'd rather be out sooner rather than later. But feel sick to my stomach with the housing crisis and worried I might not get something.