In a "situationship" with an alcoholic dependent guy, would like insights into the low key hostility

I am new to the world of alcoholism and in a steep unsuccessful learning curve, having come to be in a "situationship" with a guy since some time after last Christmas. Had no particular intention of dating but came to know him through another general online forum, when he started by offering to bring me food etc when stuck in isolation during Covid isolation. Long story short, a mutual sexual attraction developed and moreover a strong friendship, but one severely compromised by what emerged to be his alcohol dependence which contributed to growing health issues and recently some unpredictable short stay hospital admissions due to neurological complications with injuries.

He disclosed a large amount of personal trauma he had suffered as a child, no fault of his excellent and supportive family. He has had relationship issues, and since Lockdown and home working it seems the issues have overall accelerated. Basically a very good guy, and an extremely physically gentle person, he has nonetheless been recently throwing very cutting jibes my way, particularly following his last hospital admission where I had helped him in a particular way I won't go into and had assisted him to an immense degree over a couple issues. He has expressed very dark thoughts, and this has been immensely stressful for me. His has lashed out equally at his sibling too in similar fashion, and sees us as thorns in his side who have the power to divide him from alcohol.

Last night I reminded him, after another little jibe, that he was trying to undo our friendship, and I ended up being deleted from his contacts as well as deleting himself from mutual contacts on a WhatsApp group after typing that I would be about to say nasty things about him. He should have known that is not my style, but due to the shocked surprise of others I did put something of a sympathetic context on it. He had briefly alluded to the group he may have issues with alcohol and mentioned me as somebody who would give out if I saw him drinking a certain substance. His lovely kind supportive sibling thinks I am a saint and said it is a miracle I have got this close to him the way he is acting now. But we both agree he has really just started to admit to the full extent of his problem, and has made attempts to stop drinking which have provoked health crises. He has been instructed to attend a GP for onward referral to better care, but currently the GP in his small town is full. Family members have died from alcohol related issues, but his sibling believes he is on the verge of seeking real help, and he has told me he will too. Trouble is when he doesn't work he doesn't earn, and taking time out to recover is something he feels he can't afford.

He lives alone bit near enough family members who hope and believe he will pluck up enough courage to seek the help he needs. He cut me off last night when I tried to very seriously set boundaries to his terse insults as my own stress levels were through the roof and impacting my own health. His sibling believes I did the exact right thing to set that boundary no matter what.

I am particularly interested to learn from people who have been some time in recovery from alcohol dependence and can share their experience of having lashed out verbally to those closest to them without even realising they were doing so at the time and simply not having insight into how their alcoholism was affecting others.

Thanking anybody who responds with helpful.insights and wishing you the best in your continued recovery. 🙂

Jequ0n

I can’t contribute a lot to your query, apart from pointing out the obvious: you are already far too entangled in his problems/ family affairs considering you are just a friend.

The way things are going you will be emotionally drained in no time, as you seem to invest a lot here without getting anything in return.

Also, “personal issues” could be a better place for your query as these issues seem to be frequently discussed there.

Mods, feel free to move as above poster suggests. I wasn't sure whether it would be better in health or personal to gain specific insights.

I've posted most of this, as advised by above poster, in Relationship Issues, where it may gain more traction.

Gremlinertia

Closing thread as OP has indeed garnered resposes in RI