More than friends

deadinsidebutstillhorny

I need some thoughts, basically myself and person X have had a relationship in the past, still kept always in touch and talking since we were also good friends. After a long long time being just "friends" I have come to the conclusion that unless there's some sort of physical intimacy, it's not worth continuing being friends. I'm not expecting anything serious, but the efforts put into being just friends is too much. I'm talking about time, and attention, and support (as friends, not to be confused with acquaintances). Should I tell this person, and how?

Before you judge me, I just think that if one gives much more than they get back, with time it becomes unsustainable.

Thanks

YellowLead

So basically it’s a friend you have and the other person is putting nothing into the friendship? I don’t necessarily think you need to spell out you don’t want to be friends anymore, just be less available and reach out less.

if you feel you need to cut off contact totally for some reason then you just need to say you aren’t getting anything out of the friendship.

Big Bag of Chips

What sort of physical intimacy are you talking about? The only person I am physically intimate with is my husband. Most people aren't physically intimate with their friends.

I take it that you want more than just friendship. You want a friends with benefits situation. That's fine. But there's no guarantee this friend wants that with you.

All you can do is ask. I know I'd prefer to know my "friend" wasn't actually interested in being a friend unless I was offering something extra. It'll give you both a chance to decide whether or not to continue as friends or just leave it.

Jequ0n

Why would you not tell this person? They either agree and go along with a fwb relationship or they don't. No point maintaining a friendship if you know you aren't getting anything from it.

You are unlikely to get anywhere if you give an ultimatum, so think about how you phrase it.

YellowLead

OP, so you are pursuing the friendship in the hope it turns into something physical? So it’s not really a friendship you are after, it’s fwb as the others have said. Just ask as there is nothing to lose - though I imagine if they wanted that too you would already know.

Dial Hard

Tbh, the OP's username would suggest he's interested in the benefits and couldn't really care less about the friendship part.

If that's the case, OP, I'd suggest that your "friendship" with this girl is a bit of a sham, from your side anyway. Do her a favour and cut her loose, and find yourself a fcuk-buddy who knows exactly where she stands, not someone who thinks they're your friend when all you're interested in is sex.

TheadoreT

Who ended the relationship initially? How long was it? Sounds like you're still in love with them.

Many people can't do the just friends part with an ex as there's usually residual feelings there on one side and can often be just a coping mechanism for someone who can't fully let go.

Its sounds like it's taken it toll on you, just tell her how you feel and in the likely scenario its not mutual be willing to just move on with your life.

jmlad2020

Never be friends with someone who doesn't want something with you, when you do with them. They will take liberties and keep you on the back burner, whilst at the same time go out and see other people (100% likely they already have). This is especially true when its your ex..

You've done too much, be less available let them reach out and start moving on for your own sake. It's probable they don't want anything other than friends.