Getting someone help?

Jequ0n

Does anyone here have experience in convincing another person to seek professional help?

My girlfriend is struggling with something but seems unwilling to do anything about it. She told me that she is feeling low, and it is obvious that something is off. I was finally given a few reasons for this, but they frankly make no sense to me. I am, however, aware that I often miss cues and that this might be a case where I just don't get it.

I suspect that I am the only person she has told about this for now, and I know that I am no help because I can't understand it. I am sure that she has a history of this that she does not want to get into, and I won't ask about details.

I suggested talking to someone but it was brushed off, and she likewise made dismissive comments about antidepressants in general. I just can’t see how this is supposed to “magically” disappear without by waiting it out?

I am not sure what arguments might work to make her consider doing something instead of staying passive.

Big Bag of Chips

I am not sure what arguments might work to make her consider doing something instead of staying passive.

I’m sure you don’t mean arguments in the sense of arguing with her but be careful how you talk to her. Nobody likes being told what to do. Nobody likes having it pointed out to them that they’re struggling and need help. So in order to get a good response from her you need to approach her in the correct way.

Aware have supports for family of people suffering from depression. It might be worth giving them a call for some guidance. You could even approach her telling her you have looked into ways you can support her and help her. If she feels you are reaching out for help, it might make her more inclined to reach out too.

At the end of the day, as an adult, it is up to her to seek out and engage in support. You can’t actually make her want to. But you can encourage her (without dictating or instructing!). Look for supports for yourself. It will then help you to support her.

TheadoreT

I think you're looking at this entirely the wrong way. You almost see her telling you as a burden and you're trying to fix something you state you don't even understand.

The greatest help can often be a non judgmental listening ear. So you don't necessarily have to do anything but be there and support her. This may eventually give her the strength to seek help herself.

Don't be a fixer, don't offer advice out of turn, just tell her you're there for her.

Jequ0n

Just to clarify. I actually did tell her that she can talk to me if she wants to, and she confirmed that she knew that. I did not say a lot when she gave me her reasons, and she seemed reluctant to get into details so I didn't press it.

The reasons she gave me would probably make sense to someone else, so I could not comment a lot. Maybe you are right and she will say more going forward, it's just been a few weeks. I did notice an empty bottle of booze that she must have finished during the week as it wasn't there last week, but I didn't mention it yesterday because I thought she'd clamp down then. I have actually said anything about her "coping mechanism" choices in the past, but all of them seem to be sticking plasters which made me think she'd be better off talking to someone.

OK, I will check aware and see if there is stuff that might work for her, thanks.

Big Bag of Chips

It's a difficult position to be in, the partner of a sufferer. Because very often moods and frustrations are taken out on those closest. And you, as the partner, are expected to accept this and understand and support while often the person is making it clear they don't want your support!

All you can really do is look after your own mental health too. Your partner may well follow your lead, or might never actually reach out for that help. But if you have your own support, your own sounding board, it makes life easier.

Jequ0n

Well, it seems to be a mix of anxiety and embarrassment, but since she doesn't want to address it I got her a diary for now. She said she had one before, so maybe it will do good. I tried. Please close the thread as I don't think it can give me more insight. Thanks everyone.

Big Bag of Chips

Well done JequOn.

It can be a difficult place to be, being the partner of someone suffering with mental health. The focus is almost always on them, and you can bear the brunt when things aren’t going smoothly.

I think you’re doing the best you can for now. Don’t forget about yourself in all this and find your own supports and outlets.

Thread locked at your request.