Options for dealing with an uncooperative ex

El Gato De Negocios

Hi folks, not looking for legal advice, more to see if there are any avenues that can be explored.

Long story short, my sister married a guy around 15 years ago and built a house. He turned out to be a scumbag and among his litany of scumbaggery includes getting fired from his job for stealing, pawning her engagement ring, hiding bills from her until the ESB got cut off and cheating on her at least twice that we are aware of. I believe he has a gambling problem because he burns through money, owes thousands to various family members and has spent all of his elderly fathers savings. He also approached me and one of my brothers for loans of literally thousands while they were still married yet for all this money, he has nothing to show for it. If it was a hardcore drug addiction then that would be easily identifiable so there is no other logical explanation. Thankfully they did not have any children.

About 6.5 years ago they separated. She ended up having a brain hemorrhage 6 months after that. After recovering, they began couples counselling but he was long gone and they eventually parted ways. She ended up moving back in with my parents and he remained in the house they built, the house was on his parents land.

Fast forward to today, he is shacked up in the house with a new bird, she has two kids and they have one together. His father is also living with them I believe.

The mortgage on the property is in joint names. When he was fired from his job for thievery she took over paying for everything, mortgage, living expenses etc. Obviously when they marriage ended, she ceased making payments and no payments have been made on the mortgage for over 5 years.

The loan was taken over by a vulture fund and a couple of years ago they made contact with my sister. She has cooperated with them fully since day 1, provided bank statements and had numerous conversations with them to keep them up to speed.

Fcuko on the other hand, has not engaged in any way, shape or form. He changes his phone regularly, has ignored all calls and letters from the bank and has ignored solicitors letters that were sent.

At this point she just wants a divorce finalised, does not want any financial support from him, does not want one iota from him other than to have the marriage formally ended but apparently unless he cooperates, this cant be done, is that true?

I would have thought that where a couple have separated, once a certain period of time had passed, that a divorce could be granted "in absentia" where one of the parties was proving to be unresponsive?

She has met someone that seems to be a good guy. She told him from the get-go of her predicament and he was completely understanding however it is still obviously a massive albatross around her neck.

Can anyone recommend avenues or areas she can explore or is it simply a case that because he is living up to his cnutish behaviour to date, there is nothing she can do?

Mrs OBumble

She needs to find someone who he will listen to, and get that person to tell him to co-operate.

In the "olden days" someone like the parish priest may have been suitable.

These days , she probably needs to look a bit more broadly to find someone with an effective level of influence.

El Gato De Negocios

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

She needs to find someone who he will listen to, and get that person to tell him to co-operate.

In the "olden days" someone like the parish priest may have been suitable.

These days , she probably needs to look a bit more broadly to find someone with an effective level of influence.

There is nobody, he has burned his bridges with all his friends by borrowing money and not repaying it, he has no siblings and no relatives that he is close to. My sister spoke to an aunt of his and apparently he has told everyone that my sister is trying to get money out of him and trying to get his father to sell land so she can get a cut from it. He is a master manipulator and a pathological liar. He used to tell her that he was driving around with a rope in the boot of his car and she was the only reason he hadn't hung himself. A bastard of the highest calibre is all he is.

Repo101

Considering there is a mortgage outstanding, accruing interest, and kids involved, the only recommendation I could make is to get your sister to a solicitor ASAP. Considering he is refusing to engage, it is likely this will end up in a contested court hearing.

To ensure the best outcome from your sister she needs legal advice as there are several issues that need to be resolved, particularly the mortgage!

Mrs OBumble

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

There is nobody, he has burned his bridges with all his friends by borrowing money and not repaying it, he has no siblings and no relatives that he is close to.

You need to think far more widely about the people in the community.

Think about who a man like this would respect, or perhaps fear.

GerardKeating

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

About 6.5 years ago they separated. She ended up having a brain hemorrhage 6 months after that. After recovering, they began couples counselling but he was long gone and they eventually parted ways. She ended up moving back in with my parents and he remained in the house they built, the house was on his parents land.

Did they actually legally seperate, or just move to different houses?

El Gato De Negocios wrote: »

The loan was taken over by a vulture fund and a couple of years ago they made contact with my sister. She has cooperated with them fully since day 1, provided bank statements and had numerous conversations with them to keep them up to speed.

Is there any equity in the house she want to "recover", why not ask the Bank reprocess the house and be done with it.

But above all, she need to engage a solicitor to start formal seperation and.or divorce proceedings, and to document every interaction with her ex.

FishOnABike

Once she has been living separately from her ex for two years she can apply for divorce. It seems she could do this now.

Once her ex is served with the civil bill for divorce he might begin to engage with the process. If he doesn't, it will still happen the process might just take a little longer.

She might want to take advice on whether she should seek to have her share in the family home bought out by her ex or any property or pension adjustment orders made in the course of the divorce proceedings.

Ultimately the courts will decide with or without her ex's cooperation.

Ash.J.Williams

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

She needs to find someone who he will listen to, and get that person to tell him to co-operate.

In the "olden days" someone like the parish priest may have been suitable.

These days , she probably needs to look a bit more broadly to find someone with an effective level of influence.

The viper?

con___manx1

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

The viper?

Yea his debt collection buisness is really good. I have heard some mad stories.

Mrs OBumble

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

The viper?

Communities are made up of people from widely different backgrounds, political and otherwise. Different people respond to different levers.

jimmycrackcorm

El Gato De Negocios wrote:

At this point she just wants a divorce finalised, does not want any financial support from him, does not want one iota from him other than to have the marriage formally ended but apparently unless he cooperates, this cant be done, is that true?

If he isn't working and she is, it's possible the divorce could stipulate that she has to pay him maintenance.
Do their kids live with him in the family home?

theteal

They have no kids according to the op

refusetolose

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

If he isn't working and she is, it's possible the divorce could stipulate that she has to pay him maintenance.
Do their kids live with him in the family home?

they don't have kids?

jimmycrackcorm

theteal wrote:

They have no kids according to the op

It wasn't clear from what the OP said...
(Being pedantic) OP refers to his sister as she.

El Gato De Negocios wrote:

Fast forward to today, he is shacked up in the house with a new bird, she has two kids and they have one together. His father is also living with them I believe.

kaymin

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

It wasn't clear from what the OP said...
(Being pedantic) OP refers to his sister as she.

The OP said 'Thankfully they did not have any children.'